need advice. trying to treat my SERIOUS depression.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know exactly how this feels. You say you're seeing a therapist. Is she a psychologist or a psychiatrist? For someone who is experiencing this amount of depression, developing simple plans of "getting by" isn't going to do the job. Have you been diagnosed with anything other than depression? If not, then you need to see a psychologist. They will prescribe you with the right medication."

I see you said you took Celexa and that it worked for you. How well did it work for you? And why did you stop taking it? (Sorry for all the questions. You'll soon know why I'm asking. )

I was diagnosed with OCD, PTSD, and depression when I was 15. All of this was from a rough childhood and a history of depression in my family. I am currently on Celexa, and I must say, I can barely function without it. I become very anxious and depressed when I don't take it.

 

If you ever feel like the person you're speaking to isn't doing their job, then they probably aren't. I highly recommend that you see someone else. I visited one woman when I was very young, and she made me feel extremely guilty. She made me feel like everything was my fault. I never saw her again. I currently see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with OCD. I only talk to him for 15 minutes every 3 months, and that's only to check up on how things are going. He asks me a few questions, and then writes me another 3 months worth of Celexa. When I take Celexa, I don't feel the need to talk to a psychiatrist. I understand not being able to afford things. I currently owe a lot of doctor bills because of a recent surgery. None of the bills that I owe are for my psychiatrist, though. I find that those are the easiest to pay off. Do you have insurance?

I would never tell you to open up and trust someone. You shouldn't feel that you need to until you feel comfortable doing so. I went years without telling someone about how I am truly feeling because I was always so afraid that I would be locked up in a mental hospital. That thought terrified me. But when I was 15, I hit my breaking point. I felt completely numb and realized that no matter what happened, nothing could feel worse than how I was feeling at that moment. So I told my psychologist. She then referred me to see my psychiatrist. Telling someone was the best decision I ever made. But you should only tell someone how you are feeling when you are ready.

What you said about being promised that prayer was a cure for depression is something I can definitely relate to. I was in a relationship with a woman a few years ago that broke up with me because she started going back to church. She actually told me that I didn't need the medication because getting closer to God would take all of my worries away. So I asked her, "Do you think getting closer to God will take someone's cancer away? What about diabetes? They need medicine right?" Right. People who suffer from depression have a chemical imbalance in their brain. The chemical that people lack is called serotonin. It's also known as "the happy hormone". Serotonin contributes to the feeling of well-being and happiness.

I'm going to say something, and please do not take it the wrong way. I know that Celexa and Lexapro have bad side effects. But what do you think is better? The feeling of well-being, or what you are feeling right now? Weight gain can be controlled. As for dizziness and lack of sleep... Don't you feel this right now? If not, then a doctor should be able to prescribe you with something to take with the medicine to help balance out the effects. They may even decide to try something new.

I would not be giving you this advice if I didn't feel like I knew exactly what I'm talking about. I know how you feel because I've been living with it for years. And even if you can't afford a doctor, I am here for you.

 

Depression ruined college for me; I failed all of my subjects. It doesn't actually matter though, everyone tries to tell you you need to do well in school or whatever but it's not true at all. I think you have just as much chance of getting a good job whether you have good grades or not, it just depends on the job.

Anyways, all you can do is speak to your therapist. I went to see a counsellor when I was feeling down and it felt OK at first, but at some point she and I had a revelation, and I actually found the key to eternal happiness. Since then, I have been happy 24/7!

 

Do you know why they are unsupportive? Is it because they think prayer can cure depression?

I cannot imagine the terror of going to an ex-gay therapy session. That's like someone trying to make you believe you don't have 2 thumbs. And the thought of them using God as a way to "cure" you is beyond me. Did Celexa make you dizzy? I no longer experience side effects. I actually have more negative effects of not being on Celexa. Being able to wake up every morning and not feel anxious and depressed makes life 100 times better.

 

There are a few options here. If you don't have acess to health insurance because you have to go through your parents, you can ask to speak to a doctor about payment options. Even if that particular office can't offer you a sliding scale payment plan or other assistance, they should be able to give you phone numbers or point you in the right direction to get in touch with assistance programs for uninsured persons who need health care. I'm not sure exactly what you may be eligible for, but there is even the option of filing for disability and receiving medicaid benefits from the government. You don't need to explain the exact nature of your illness while asking around, but let them know that you are unable to pay for health care that you need.
Many receptionists and doctors will have the resources to help you. But you will have to be persistent, unfortunately, as there is often a lot of jumping through hoops to get proper help.

I feel you on this. Feeling like the room is whooshing around at great speed even while lying down with eyes closed is one of the worst feelings I've had to endure. But there is the option of discussing this side effect with your doctor and seeing if there isn't another medicine you can take at the same time to cut down on these side-effects. I don't know much about this, but if you live in a state where medical marijuana is available, it is supposedly very useful in reducing nausea and restoring appetite. There are plenty of other medicines that can help with the side effects too, if the lexapro helps with the depression.

The worst part about being depressed is that your whole body tells you to ignore your problems, to tough through it, or to withdraw and avoid everyone. But you must focus your energy to keep getting yourself into the hands of doctors who can help. If school is too much of a drain, I suggest dropping some classes or looking into a medical withdrawal. Your health should be your priority, because you can come back to school later- but you can't undo the self-harm that depression can cause.

 

P!NK - 'Ally for Equality' Award - Acceptance Speech [HRC National Dinner] - YouTube

Draw inspiration and comfort from all around, we all love each other one way or another

 

First of all, let me apologize for replying to someone's issues with a story of my own - I hate doing that, but the text I quoted made me think of something that happened to me today. I'm struggling with severe depression as well and I finally managed to made an appointment to see a new psychiatrist. Me and them have something of an on/off relationship going on. Anyway, by sheer luck the psychiatrist I got in this new place happened to be the same I used to see two years ago somewhere else. That made me remember something: that she actually wrote me a recommendation for psychotherapy but I didn't do anything with it because it takes literally months/years of waiting here in Poland unless you can afford private therapy, which I can't. It's just so ironic that here I am visiting the same lady after two years, still with no psychotherapy started... and all that time would be enough to get to see the very best.

The fact that you seem ashamed to see your therapist is perfectly understandable - especially for me. The longer you wait, though, the longer you'll be where you are now. I suppose by now you're really used to shame. Why not go through with it one more time? I find that with depression, we tend to wait when there's something important to do and hurry when we should wait patiently. We want to postpone everything that might help us, but we can't a week to feel better when suicide is on our minds.

I think TIME is the keyword when trying to calm/motivate yourself. I mean, just look at your life expectancy. Even though you and I have struggled with depression for years, we are young. There is still so much time to change everything. Were things different eight years ago? If they were, just imagine where you can be in another eight years. I know this seems painfully obvious, but it's true: change always starts with small steps. Seriously, this gets a tranny seal of approval. Please don't get discouraged, you'll be amazed at how far time can take you

Sorry for rambling, I just wanted to be helpful (&&&)

 

Having read ALL the great posts here ... (and been with therapists/ meds for 15 years...) I agree with all the above!!

The key is opening up to someone you can trust .. and not have things all bottled up in your head.

Meds have their uses and it is a question of finding which one works best for you.

 

You definitely need to find someone you can trust. I am really struck by your comment about how your parents aren't supporting your treatment - uhh, didn't you say your family has issues? Denying there is any issue with you just shows they really haven't even gotten their crap figured out.

You need to realize what is best. I know there's stigma with menta illness, and I know it is hard to talk about it. There's been times where I haven't talked about things. But I see what it does to me when I don't talk about it or when I think it's not a big deal.

The counselor you are seeing now needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Definitely not the worst I have ever heard of..... but since it is a cheaper service, it probably comes with the terrority. Also, there's probably a lot of depressed college kids. Does this counselor know of your family struggles? I think you need to open up, or quickly find someone you can open up to. Personally, I think you would benefit from both sides of the road. I think you need medicaiton, but I also think you need a therapist because your struggles are on going.

I wish you the best.

 

I was depressed for a long time about being gay before I had told anyone I could see no hope for the future,not having kids if my own ,not living a normal married life,predjudice,rejection and I could not cope at all and when my familly left one Sunday for the day I was at my lowest and had made plans to kill myself that night. By the grace if god my parents arrived home a few hours early and found me hysterically crying in the kitchen ,I did pull myself together and told my parents I think I'm depressed and covered up the rest. Went to the doctor the next day was prescribed lexapro,didn't tell him I'm gay and refused counseling but it's been a few months and I am definitely back from the edge,long was to go though ,have great faith in the anti depressants and things do get better,gradually but they do .

 

Have you considered calling the suicide hotline?

 

Don't be ashamed, it really isn't something you need to be ashamed of.

Depression has a lot to do with a depletion of serotonin levels in your brain. It can be caused by stress, emotional issues, trauma etc. it can also be inherited from parents. When your body can't produce enough serotonin you get depressed... Medication restores your body's ability to produce serotonin and help lift you out of your depression. Look at it as turning on a flash light so that you can find your way out of the dark tunnel you are in at the moment.

Therapy on the other hand helps you deal with the issues that might have caused your body to stop producing serotonin... it's a necessary part of the healing process.

Please go see a doctor as soon as you can and ask for help, you don't have to wait for your therapist. The meds will take 2-4 weeks to start working so the sooner you go get help the sooner you will be able to start functioning again and sort out your grades etc.

I'm sure you could ask your student councillor to help sort out any problems you have at college, they might be willing to assist you to rectify the subjects you've done badly in because of your depression.

Finally, I read an interesting statement today which rings true...

A half a glass of water is not very heavy, you can easily pick it up and hold it in one hand.

If you have to hold that same half a glass of water up for one hour... Well then it's a little heavier and difficult to do.

Try to hold it up for 12 hours and it will feel like you arm wants to break off... 24 hours and you'll be a broken person, you will not be able to carry the weight.

The emotional baggage, stress and worries is a lot like that half a glass of water. It's not a heavy load to carry if you pick it up and put it down... But the longer you hold on to it the heavier it gets... If you think of it all the time it will break you.

So learn not to dwell on them for too long. Think about them and put them down again, you can tackle them again tomorrow and by then they will be easier to carry and handle.

 

I'm not sure how your medical industry work over in the USA. In South Africa your home doctor can prescribe anti depressants if he thinks you are suffering from depression. I'd imagine that it might be the same over there??? I'm not a psychologist but typically suicidal thought, the inability to concentrate, loss of motivation, inability to sleep, constant tiredness etc etc, are all symptoms that are typical of depression. A doctor can ask you a few questions and from that ascertain pretty accurately whether you have depression or not, it doesn't take weeks of therapy to figure it out.

The concerns you have are all valid and I'm sure if you discuss them with your doctor, he or she would be able to address them.

Go see someone today or tomorrow, don't wait.

 

First of all, make sure your counselor knows that you need an appointment asap. Don't be shy in asking.

In terms of meds, in some ways if you know your family history (and you're biologically related), you have a huge advantage -- if you can find out which drugs have helped and which have not, that can really narrow things down for you. Much less trial and error. Do know that if you go on meds, they take a while to work.

And I'll echo what was said above, if your therapist isn't getting you to where you want to be, take a look at yourself -- are you doing the work you need and take a look at your therapist -- are they right for you? A switch may do you good, don't be afraid to broach the subject.

 

What makes you happy? Think about it long and hard and make a list for me.

I'd give advice, but I think our amazing EC family have covered everything. I know how you feel because I've severed from depression all of my life. I'm not on any meds at the moment and it's a struggle. It's worse during my monthly cycle, but I make sure that I'm open and honest with everyone. I've been managing pretty well, but I have been self medicating with alcohol. I finally admitted to myself that I have a problem, so I've asked for help.

Now, about school, when is your graduation date?