Hi all, please be gentle with me. I am 30 years old, married and have a 5 year old son. I am seriously questioning my sexuality. I've never really been that bothered about men and sex with men/my husband I find boring, bordering on nauseating. My husband is caring and supportive and a great man, so I feel terrible that I'm experiencing all these feelings. I can't tell him at the moment, I don't think he would be too impressed, and that's putting it mildly, and I'm not in a position to make a break. :help:For a while now, I have been very attracted to women. I've suspected myself for years, but I'm the kind of person who has to be hit in the face with something before I deal with it, which is unhelpful in the extreme. Any road, I am at the point now where I need to talk about my situation, because It's screwing me up. I haven't slept properly in ages and it's stressing me out on a grand scale. I do however feel a lot better now I am aknowledging my feelings, I feel more open and caring towards people, especially women. I used to struggle with talking to women, maybe now I know why. Any advice, or just a friendly chat would be most welcome. Cheers xx
Hello, and welcome to EC! You'll find that quite a few women on this forum are experiencing the same thing you are. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. But congratulations on seeking advice, because you have definitely come to the right place! (*hug*) I know it must be hard to imagine telling your husband how you are feeling, especially since you have a young child. Why do you feel like now is a bad time to tell him? I don't think you should tell him until you are ready.
Well, I do not know much of you so please do not take this as a direct insult. Personally, I find that couples often get married too young or too hasty without immersing completely into each others feelings and understanding each other thoroughly in order to know whether you really want to commit your life to that person. Thus it is difficult for you to really understand whether you should continue to force a marriage because it has gone too far or do something about it so the pain comes now and you can overcome it asap. But I am not suggesting you should terminate your marriage immediately, but it is up to you. Are you willing to try harder to love your husband? Perhaps your lifestyle has become dull, you have exhausted all your energies. Work and responsibilities can really drain a person, there are ways to find that innocent and free love again. Do you believe there is something worthwhile between you two? As Mraz suggests, "I had to learn what I got and what I'm not and who I am", Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up [Official Music Video] - YouTube Also, it is obviously easier said that done and thus this community exists to provide comfort and advice in the most peaceful way possible . So it is really up to you, just try to calm down, and listen to your heart. What does it say, let go? Or try harder. Yours Sincerely, Lily.
Thanks for your responses. I definitely think I married too young, there's no doubt about that. I love my husband as a companion, but as a lover, no, no, not for a long time. I can't go on feeling unfulfilled, either emotionally or sexually, and I'm pretty convinced that I will only find what I need with a woman. Quite a part from the fact that I'm just not in any way attracted to blokes. I started an English degree a couple of years ago, and as I have become more open minded, and engaged with my creative side, these feelings have come to the forefront. Since I have given in to my feelings about women, I have felt more like myself than I have in years, certainly since before I was married. I know what you're getting at though, people can go looking for things in themselves because they need some excitement in their lives. I understand that this is possible, but it's not like me to come up with something this outragious-and I don't mean that in a derogatory way, it's just unlike me. I think I am going to have to wait and see. If a woman comes along who I like, and I can have, then I will get the chance to explore a bit. Until then I suppose I will feel in limbo. I was considdering just going out and getting laid, but that probably wouldn't be very helpful, so I'll have to sit tight I guess. V x
Just remember that we only get the lives we create ourselves. Your Princess Charming won`t come climbing in through your window, you are at some point going to have to take a few chances. However, those chances are well worth taking! It`s great that you`ve been able to get more in touch with that part of you that has been missing, and you shouldn`t feel like you are doing anything wrong. It`s not easy to get thing right at the first try, and even though marrying your husband was a mistake, you both still have good chances of getting it right for the both of you. Being married to someone who can`t give him what he needs isn`t good for him either, although he might not see it like that straight away, he`ll discover that finding out now is a lot better than if you had waited another decade. New chances for you, means new chances for him, and you might end up both finding happiness somewhere else. So I would advice against sitting tight. Get out there, explore the world and people in it :icon_wink Take a few chances, meet new people and be open to said new people, and you can win so much (*hug*) We all deserve to be as happy as we can be, that goes for both you and your husband. And being honest and true to yourself, is the best choice. Sometimes we have to hunt down the happiness to get it :icon_wink
Yeah, I see what you're getting at. I'm trying, as far as I can, to meet as many new people as I can. It's not that easy for other reasons I won't bore you with. Ok, I will: Basically, I have very bad eyesight and my vision is terrible. I find it difficult to get around new places on my own and I'm completely f**ked when it's dark. I'm dooing what I can though. As for telling himself, I'd better hold upp a bit until I actually have something to tell him, then I will. I don't want to mess his life up anymore than waste my own...and god knows I pissed away enough of it already.
Ah, I see. Yeah, I get that it makes it more difficult. Not impossible though, even people who are completely blind find arena`s where they can be social and meet new people. I think you`re being very brave, making changes and doing new things can be hard, regardless of the situation. I get what you`re saying (*hug*) Just remember that hidden mess mucks up the house just as much as the visible mess does. When a relationship is going out of date, both will feel it, even if like in this case, you know more about the reason than he does. But I get that you want to take your time a little (*hug*) It`s a lot to take in and deal with. We`re here for you though!
Ooh, and the fun/games forum and chit chat has some entertaining conversations and humor. Please do join us there I am a bit of a forum addict, it`s nice with more people around *hugs*
