therapists

well i did it.
i just had my 1 hr appt with student therapist. I spilled most of my guts to him, telling him all sorts of stuff i have said on here. in the end he said yes getting me a referral to a gender specialist who can answer my questions abt T and top survey is doable! Oh thank you God!

to get that i had to really be brave and willing to tell him i have done serious research, and thought deeply abt my situation...it is not a joke, not taken lightly, not a whim, not new, and i am not moving too fast.

he brought up most will need you to live as a man full time for a year before doing anything. so i told him in May i went to school dressed as a male 1st time, has been nearly a year not much longer...9 months now. I think since i been doing it on my own it counts! and i got documentation, my pix are all dated and well i got on EC where i mentioned my new clothing.

i have read blips abt starting on a low dose of T for maybe 5 months while practicing singing will preserve vocal range even after you go to higher dosages and voice drops (after it breaks), and that top surgery before starting T gets better results. Why, i don't know. I would like to ask questions abt all this and more of both specialist and other transitioned transmen.

I know i will not be happy with my body until it has good results. As i told the therapist, i do NOT HATE my body. If i did i would prob be cutter or suicidal. I LOVE my body, even more since coming to terms of being a boy, I love my face being masculine...and used to be ashamed of it. I see it as self-improvement; eat right, get exercise, add more testosterone, build my body into the man I see in my mind...strong, healthy, happy, successful in school, and a good gentleman.

I hope one day I will post on EC pictures of myself looking as I see me, fully a man outside and in, and can tell you about dating whatever gender the person maybe and be smiling.

 

thank you for kind reply.

Um, as a toddler I thought of myself as a cute kid, I was a cute baby. But when I got abt 7 I thought I was looking more ugly. Puberty makes us all look bad, but I looked ew tits, gross. I had days I felt I could look pretty~ish, but my face began to grow a brow ridge, and teen girls had such pretty high cheekbones like yours. I began to feel really bad abt my looks, I saw too much masculinity in my face, and my body had female shape. It disgusted me. When men and ladies did tell me I was a pretty woman, however, I wanted to puke. I did not feel pretty. I did my best to try to change my appearance to look like girls I found breathtaking, but I only saw a man in drag.

After I found out I am transgender, the most amazing thing happened. I no longer see after cutting my hair a man in drag that disgusted me. To the contrary, I see often a cute boy looking back! It is just like how I saw myself as an infant and toddler, before baby teeth fell out and puberty struck. I like the guy I see, I think I am handsome, I even kissed my biceps! haha! I feel so much better about my looks now, because those very masculine features in my face now make it look correct for my gender...my real gender. I was not a good looking girl cuz I am a great looking boy. I just hope after my male puberty is finished I look okay...I hope I become a handsome man and everybody can see how I feel abt my body is a positive one. If we can love ourselves, then we are more capable of loving others.