I have been struggling with accepting my sexuality, since I turned 18. It was like a light came on. Years later , I'm still repressing it with religion or the fear of not being accepted. I've tried to find my way in the community but there's always something that keeps me from making that next step. Now , I'm in college and still not open. A part of me is saying be free but, for some reason I can't. I refuse to be, one of those people who end up getting married just for the hell of looking normal to society. A part of knows I will disappoint my mom and I will lose her which I hate thinking about. But, I also believe she knows alittle but refuses to believe and wants it left unsaid. I'm not sure what to do, I was bought up to see lgbt as wrong and I have faked to my friends that I'm something I can never be. I'm tired of repressing who I am and tried of thinking God some how will straightening me out. Any advice on steps or how I can just stop going back in the closet.
I think you should just think that... oh well, it's who you are, you know? It's not easy to accept yourself, since you are religious and stuff. But you have to know that your life will still be "normal". You'll study, you'll get a job. I think that when you fall really bad for a girl you'll start accepting yourself better. I mean, we all think about that "I shouldn't be gay, I should just pretend to be normal". Now that I'm out to my friends I feel kind of weird when it's just the girls hanging out. I mean, they will talk about boys, I won't. But I'll sure tell them "oh, what the hell, just have sex already", but I won't say "yeah, he is pretty hot". And I really feel weird. And we are all afraid of losing our parents if we tell them. But you'll have to be comfortable with yourself prior coming out. And chances are that your mom will be kind of sad and stuff, but I'm sure it'll get better, when the time comes for you to come out. Nothing lasts forever. I bet your mom won't stop loving you, especially if you are a good daughter. You just have to realize that you are normal. Look at how many people there are here who are gay and they are happy. Really. You can be happy being a lesbian, it's not a big deal at all. But just start accepting yourself, really. Just start saying "yeah, i'm really gay and I can't change that". Don't try to do things all at once. Do it step by step, you know, first you have to be comfortable, and then come out to your friends, then you can start coming out to your family.
