How to ask if they are gay, without asking if they are gay?

That's really difficult,was a guy in my school the exact same very feminine and open to being touchey feely ,as in the the extent he hugged me once and grabbed my ass and once even grabbed my balls when he was drunk,for all the signs he ended up being straight and getting a girlfriend!! Basically it's a hard one ,perhaps hug him playfully see go he reacts ? Or when he dosent know your looking look and see in if he's checking other guys out that's a fair indicator usually

 

Literally, that's an impossibility. I've found no way to do this, and I've yet to find anyone with the answer to this problem.

I feel like I've been saying this a lot lately, but the gay gene doesn't decide to only populate certain schools. It's quite likely that at least 4–5% of your year group is gay. In my school, which is very athletic (and Catholic!), more than 10% of the year is openly gay (though this is a strange exception, I think).

The only way to do it is to get a bit friendlier with him and to perfect asking "Are you gay?" in a lighthearted way that won't offend him. I often see the suggestion flying around that if you want to ask if someone is gay, then you have to be prepared to come out first. And you'll have to be able to trust him to do that.

But anyway, the fact is: if he is a bit feminine, and gives off the impression that he may be gay to you, it's likely that he has given this off to other people. So even if he isn't gay, I don't think it would be silly to think that he's probably been asked this before, and thus you probably won't seem weird or odd for asking.

 

I would strongly advise against asking him directly. For all he knows, you could be asking him just to use it against him since you mention this is not a very lgbt-friendly school. He would probably just lie to you anyway if you asked him.

I think a better approach would be to bring up some topic that lets him know that you are an ally. For example, you could mention that you were watching the news the other day and that you heard that the Illinois state Senate had passed a bill legalizing gay marriage and that you hope it also passes the House since the Governor already promised to sign such a bill. You could say it's cool that more and more people in this country can marry the ones they love. Or, you know, something simpler that conveys the same message.

 

"Hi, I think penises are cool, and not just the one attached to me! How about you?"

There's a suggestion, albeit a bad one...

 

Heh, but seriously telling someone that you are gay (or in your case, questioning or whatever you want to say) is a great way to get them to open up about themselves without asking directly. It assures them that you'll be supportive if they are gay, and it's not like you are 'accusing' them of anything.

Very few gay or bisexual people will stay silent if you tell them you are gay, unless they are closeted and weren't going to tell you in any case.