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Should I just do it?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Turbo Turtle, Feb 18, 2013.

  1. Turbo Turtle

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    I think both my parents are on to me.

    My mom knows I've been questioning. She was upset by it, visibly. There were damp eyes, but no real crying. It was in public. I don't think she's in love with the idea of having a gay son, but she'll support me. I think.

    My dad... well, the other day, I had brought up an activity we had done in English class recently. We had to pick a handful of people from a list to have as our survivors on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere. One of the people was a gay college student in his third year of med school. We had debated heavily within our group as to whether or not to keep him. We ultimately decided in favor of him because of his skills. In the process, I had discovered just how ignorant to what homosexuality is my classmates are. It was absolutely painful.

    Anyway, as I tell him this story, he flat out says, "Are you trying to tell me you're gay? It's OK if you are."

    I was a bit taken aback, but, as I am used to this by now, I just sort of brushed it off, denying my possible intentions. I honestly wasn't. I was just sharing my thoughts on how pathetic the human race is, but I digress.

    What do you think? Should I just tell them? I'm out to, literally, just you people. I'm not sure what to expect. A lot of awkward questions, I'm sure.
     
  2. Pain

    Pain Guest

    Hi there :slight_smile:

    Your father says it's okay if you're gay already-- I'd say go ahead and tell him. On the other hand, ask him how you could tell your mother, if you expect her reaction to be any worse in the least. He'll certainly come up with something, and it can strengthen your bond with him.

    Either way, are you sure you'd like to come out to them? That's a mindset you'll have to come to and and action you'll have to decide to do or not. Are you ready for that?

    If you'd like to plan for it, set a date for which to do it and hold yourself to it. In the meantime, rehearse a general overview of what you'd like to say. Though it doesn't sound like you'll need it, having a back-up place to stay could be a great thing, just in case.

    Good luck!
     
  3. kylo

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    If your father said that it's okay if you're gay and he didn't overreact then I think that's a pretty good sign. If you personally are ready then I'd tell your dad first and see how it goes and then he can help tell your mom who from what you said may not take the news as easily as your dad. I remember when I first told my mom I was super nervous. Seeing her cry and disappointed broke my heart, but after a few days she had a talk with me and said she still loves me no matter what and everything was fine after that. It was a huge relief. So good luck and just make sure that you are ready and keep us updated! :slight_smile:
     
  4. Mirko

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    Hi there! Sorry to hear that your mom was upset upon hearing that you are questioning. Sometimes, it can take a while for parents to come around to it. Parents have dreams for their child or children and when something happens that they didn't expect or requires them to alter their dreams, they need to find ways to make that dream work again. But over time, most parents come around to it, and become supportive. Have you spoken with your mom about it since then?

    You have the best entry point in coming out to your dad. Given the conversation you had with him, and if he didn't suspect something before, he probably is now. He already gave you the answer.

    If you comfortable, sit down with him on a day when he has time to listen and talk, and let him know that you are questioning. You could even try picking up the conversation where he left off. You could say that you are not sure if you have all the answers at the moment, but you are trying to figure things out.

    If you are not too comfortable with the idea (yet), it's okay. Take a bit more time and then try coming out to him when you feel ready. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Turbo Turtle

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    Thank you all for the responses.

    I think, when I do come out, it will be to my dad, first.

    I always think I'm ready to do it, but then I second guess myself, imagining how life would be afterwards, and I just can't adjust to those thoughts. It's just so awkward, still, even though I don't have any guilt or issues with being gay.

    I think I'm insane, second guessing things I already know and accept. Why must everything be so difficult?
     
  6. Naomilly92

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    It sounds like they're definitely on to you. All you need to do is confirm it, in your own time
     
  7. Turbo Turtle

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    Yeah. I've tried to drop some hints in the past, because, aside from never talking about girls, I don't, at least from the outside, appear gay. I'm not particularly feminine. I break a lot of stereotypes, so, presumably, unless I allow people to know, they won't.

    At least, that's the idea.
     
  8. Mirko

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    Take your time. Coming out isn't about who can reach the finish line the fastest. No matter how much we already know that it will go well, a part of us will second guess, different thoughts cross our mind.

    Maybe give the mirror routine a try. Before you come out to your dad, stand in front of a mirror and while looking at yourself, say out loud "I want to come out to dad," and try to gauge how you feel. If you feel well, and can end it with a smile, I'd say you are ready to speak with your dad.