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Another Strategy For Overcoming Your Bias

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Pret Allez, Feb 19, 2013.

  1. Pret Allez

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    It is truly wonderful to be the sort of person who can admit having bias. Most people who have bias simply don't admit that they do or are unaware of it. When you know you have bias, you rightly think, "I want to correct this."

    To overcome your bias takes work. Whether others educate you or not, it's going to require your mental effort. Therefore, you can get ahead of the game by educating yourself. Open up another tab, get Google up on there, and search for "stereotypes about [insert group I'm biased against here]." I can guarantee that your bias is not exactly new. Many other people have felt it, and those who are the object of that bias have taken the time to write 101s, myths and facts, and etiquette guides addressed to you. By going out to read them, you demonstrate you're seriously interested in overcoming your bias.

    That way, when you create a thread on Empty Closets saying you are working through it, you have something to back it up with. Showing that you've done some homework is a great way to engage other people. One can begin a fruitful discussion with something like "I'm struggling with negative feelings about X, and I've looked here and here, and I understand how most of those things I initially thought aren't really true. But there's this other thing I don't really understand from what I read. Can someone explain what this means?"

    It's very easily to tell when the OP is coming empty-handed. Their threads start with an acknowledgement of bias and a profession of "really" wanting to work through it. They are initially taken seriously by many people. But then the OP continues to trot out stereotypes (the offensiveness they have not researched) or relates personal anecdotes. "I know that not everyone's like that, but that's how it's been in my experience."

    This kind of a comment is setting us up to be irrefutable. Nobody can gainsay my personal experience, and as long as I've made the perfunctory acknowledgement that "not everyone's like that," I can appear not to be generalizing people even though I really am. What's worse, a statement like that shows that I'm not willing to budge. More likely, I'm just looking for validation of my bias. In addition, I know that since I'm creating a thread about it, others who feel the same way I do will probably come and defend me. When those who are the object of my bias are offended or frustrated with my stubbornness, others will be keen to rise to my defense, saying they are being "over-sensitive," and that their communication style just "drives away" people who "sincerely want to learn." In this way, I can abuse the safe space principle and turn it to my advantage. After all, I'm looking for "support" in trying to get over my bias, so everybody better be supportive. It's pretty easy to see through stuff like this.

    So if you want to work on your bias, I suggest an alternative strategy: research.
     
  2. Owen

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    [​IMG]

    I'm willing to overlook your garish font choices because you point is a very important one. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  3. Sinopaa

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    I'm not going to sugar coat this; I have never been a fan of feminists. My experiences with quite a few of them have been very negative. When I was in "boy mode" I was typically rejected from helping their causes. Even if I expressed my dislike of how men did things I was rejected. The typical response I would get is that they did not need a "mans" help. After I came out things changed to treating me like a guy in drag. I have been told by quite a few radicals that no matter how much I alter my physical body I would "never be a complete woman" and that "my physical birth gender is all that matters". Then they go into some irrational argument that only real women have female reproductive organs. Whenever I think of a feminist I get this image of a natural woman being loud and overbearing about equality while poorly justifying discrimination.

    It has gotten to the point that if someone identifies as a feminist I instinctively go into "defense mode" and wait to be attacked over something. I would love to get over this mental image; but sadly I have yet to meet a feminist that has not snubbed their nose at me in some fashion. I've just tried to do research about feminists that are pro-trans; but all I'm finding so far is anti-trans material. :icon_sad:
     
  4. Pret Allez

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    I'm a radical feminist and pro-trans. Defense mode?
     
  5. Sinopaa

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    I'm in it, yes. You sound upset. Now I'm afraid that things will turn into a flame war. I'm sorry... :icon_sad:
     
  6. photoguy93

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    I'm loving this thread because I think it could become a great way for us to all realize we do have some type of bias.

    I was surprised - what type of feminists do you know? Most that I know would be totally into having someone like you in the mix, especially the third wave of feminists.

    I have my own thoughts about certain people and groups.
     
  7. yeah i'm throwing my own personal encounters in too; the feminists i met were pretty chill people who didnt really give a crap about what gender you were. just tryina' contribute!
     
  8. KTWK

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    This
     
  9. Sinopaa

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    The ones I have met were mostly in college. I was in "boy mode" then; but I was very biased towards woman rights over mens. I just naturally felt woman did a better job at a lot of things then guys. When I tried to show support and go to a couple of woman events at the college I was basically treated like crap. Since coming out I've had one older feminist at a restaurant make it a point to come over and ridicule me "for pretending to be a woman". That experience just mortified me. In all honesty I have yet to meet a feminist in person that was just nice to me. I'm too afraid to attend any pro-women events now because of my past experiences. :icon_sad:
     
  10. Pret Allez

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    Yikes, you scare easily. I was just trying to communicate that even though I'm a feminist, and you say you've had really negative experiences with them, we're not all anti-trans. Almost all of the third wavers that I am aware are trans-positive. I have read enough of the radical feminist literature to know who to stay away from, because some of the most dehumanizing and terrible things ever said about trans folks have come from lesbian separatists. I'm not running away from that reality. I want to just acknowledge that pain and say, "hey, we're not like this."

    There have been a lot of crappy feminist advocates out there, but that doesn't make feminism any of the things you say. As a man, I've always felt affirmed and included by feminism.

    And yes, I am upset, which is why this thread exists. But I'm not upset at you. The genesis of this thread is that I am sick and tired of people posting threads on EC where they pretend to want help getting over their bias when what they really want is to have other people validate their stuff.
     
  11. Cthulhu

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    I'm a biased sports fan (and biased politically, of course).

    But yes, I agree, when you present something in a thread, please do your research beforehand.
     
    #11 Cthulhu, Feb 19, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2013
  12. newgirl31

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    Me too! I get where you are coming from Pret Allez. :bang:

    Thanks for trying at least. :eusa_clap
     
  13. Sinopaa

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    Thanks for being nice to me and understanding of my plight. ^_^ I'm...just not used to it is all. I would really like to meet some third wave feminists in person. So far all I have seem to meet are the radicals who want to crucify me. Other women treating me like an actual woman in person rather than a trans or a "pretend woman" would probably help my self esteem. :icon_sad:
     
  14. ZanedaKitty

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    You'd think it'd be a given, but yes research is always good!
     
  15. Deaf Not Blind

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    OMG we are twins.

    ---------- Post added 19th Feb 2013 at 10:31 PM ----------

    Peeps on campus claiming this...they see me and then basically expect me to go to not just feminist stuff but lesbian bars and accept their label of butch when i have never been anything like that. So I still wait to find one in person who can prove to me they are not like Mz. Liz.
     
  16. Atreyu

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