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Emotional Vampires

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by J9ah, Feb 20, 2013.

  1. J9ah

    Regular Member

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    I don't know if it's the nice guy syndrome or something deeper about me but I seem to be drawn people who just drain out my emotions and don't really reciprocate when I need them too. I find myself bonding with woman strongly only to be utterly rejected when it suits them with the exact same thing being true of men. Even for people I know and trust it seems they never truly reciprocate for eg. I've gladly taken calls at 11pm dealing with somones crisis but often have my own refused or texted back with "sleeping now goodnight at 9"! What the hell is wrong with me and why am I attracting asseholes of every description and gender?
     
    #1 J9ah, Feb 20, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2013
  2. 4AllEternity

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    The kind of relationship you're describing is called "Codependency". You attract narcissists of varying degrees, as you've probably learned to be what's referred to as a "Narcissistic Supply" for them. You unconsciously seek relationships with narcissists as you were conditioned during childhood to be a support for one. One of your parents was likely a narcissist of some form (i.e self-preoccupied, or very controlling, trying to make you in their image of what's "good", very critical, but rarely praising, etc). Essentially, you've grown to provide care and assistance to people whatever the cost to yourself, without expecting any form of reciprocation.

    The best way to get out of that is to cut back on how available and to what lengths you're willing to sacrifice your own time and energy for people that clearly are not your friends. It's great to be a kind person, but you do deserve at least a balanced friendship, and let me assure you, there are plenty of people out there who would want to be your friend, myself included ^_^.

    I would also just stop responding to the truly selfish people who are never there for you, as they are just using you. What you need is to go out and meet people who are more like you, but don't commit yourself from the beginning. Don't start dumping favors on them after meeting them, focus on building a friendship based purely on enjoying each others company.