I am going to apologize for the length of this in advance.* Last July I met this girl who is absolutely incredible and began hardcore crushing on her about a month later. Let's call her P for the sake of privacy. We quickly became very good friends and were soon almost inseparable. I was at her house an average of five days a week. By the end of August, I admitted my feelings for her and we began "dating." I call it "dating" because nothing really changed much except that we began kissing more freely. However, she didn't want to tell any of our mutual friends because she said she wasn't ready for a relationship yet. I didn't really care at that point because I was still infatuated with her. In the beginning of September, we were at a friend's birthday party where one of my friends was trying to brag for me to her. Unfortunately, she mentioned that I was 17... P is 22. I saw no problem with this since it is perfectly legal and she had never asked me how old I was so I had (wrongly) assumed that she didn't care either. I was very wrong. During the time that she wouldnt talk to me, I became even better friends with a mutual friend, R. I began to set my sights on trying to get with R because she seemed a bit more stable. However, one day, I met this guy, S, when all of us were hanging out one day. After that day, everyone was acting very oddly. I didn't see *either of until R's going away party about a month later. *At the party, P and I both got really drunk and she was being exta touchy-feely since I had just come out to my mom and gotten kicked out of the house. Things got pretty serious and then, in the middle of things, she freaked out, slapped me, and left.* She wouldn't talk to me again until the end of last month when I apologized for my misconduct. We were having this very fragile and pretty awkward friendship. Then S started spreading rumors about me. One that I heard was that I was sleeping around and had HIV. It was true that I was sleeping around a bit but I get tested every month so I know for certain that I am still clean. She flipped the fuck out and claimed that we were still together and that I was cheating on her. We were together?? When did this happen?? Anyways, I was at a friend's birthday party this last weekend where there were many mutual friends. I was talking to my friend about this and, I guess, S overheard parts of what I was telling my friend, distorted it, and told P. Last night P texted me calling me a manipulative liar and many nasty things. It wasn't like I was sitting there sulking about how she wasn't there all night. I was busy chatting up this girl that people were trying to set me up with.* I have no idea what to do about this because this whole situation with P could cost me most of my friends... I mean, who would believe a "lying, cheating, manipulative 17 year old"?* I would appreciate any thoughts, advice, and opinions! Thank you for reading my plight.:bang:
Hmm, it's a complicated situation. On one hand, I agree with you that it's unfair for P to claim it's "cheating" that you slept around, since she never acknowledged your relationship and seemingly had some issues with it. However, I understand why your actions hurt her. I don't mean to shame you, since sex is sex. Sex and love are separate things in my books. I personally couldn't have sex with someone without a lot of closeness, which is why I've passed up the few opportunities where it might have happened. That's just me though, I'm not trying to be snobby. But it's understandable that she would be hurt, since the fact you slept around suggests that you never really loved her, or at least degrades the feelings she imagined you had. So while it's not her right to demand that of you while you two were split up, it's still understandable that she'd be hurt. I would suggest you re-evaluate your reasons for jumping from relationship to relationship, since to me it suggests some kind of insecurity. It's not that you slept around, since while I wouldn't do it, I don't really consider it "wrong", it's that you went from actually having feelings for P to having them for R in the blink of an eye. It's like you have a need for a relationship; that's actually referred to as "Dependent Personality Disorder" by the psychiatric community. A person with the disorder feels the need to have someone in their life, they feel incomplete without a person. They feel that others are more capable of handling life's difficulties, and hence depend on them for stability. Of course, part of the nature of this disorder is denying it, so I'd ask that you at least give it some thought. Perhaps it doesn't describe you, but if it does, you can get help for it. It's really just a matter of growing self-esteem, as well as realizing that you underestimated yourself.
When I am single, I like to keep my options open until someone seems like they are actually ready to commit. She just so happened to be my number one choice and that is why I was trying so hard to win her over. She made it very clear that we weren't actually together and so I took her for her word. Also, I sleep around a lot when I am single because I really enjoy the intense emotional and physical bond that sex brings. I grew up in a negligent, hostile, and abusive home and so I crave the emotions that sex gives me. The rest of the time I just feel numb unless I am excited (not in a sexual way) or extremely happy. In all honesty, the sex I have with strangers does not satisfy my sexually at all. Oddly enough it only satisfies my emotional and physical desires.... It is highly likely that I could have this disorder. I will just have to add it to my list. I already know that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, abandonment issues where I tend to latch on to people who are close to me.
Well, it's inadvisable in nearly any circumstances to "self-diagnose" yourself, if nothing else beyond the fact that you likely aren't a professional and are likely looking at this with some sort of self-bias. Are you seeing a therapist or someone for those relationship issues you feel you have?
Yes, I have been seeing a therapist for the Borderline, Depression, and abandonment problems. I will have to ask her what she thinks about this because she did say she was worried that the abandonment problems may have more to them. I would never self diagnose things as serious as that! I mean, these are things that can harm the people around me as well as myself and couldn't ever live with myself if harmed an innocent bystander.
