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Bisexuality Ping-Pong O__o

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Valkyrimon, Feb 20, 2013.

  1. Valkyrimon

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    So, I've put on my profile that I'm bisexual, but I'm finding it really difficult to pin-point my sexuality. I feel as if I keep shifting between two extremes. For example, for a while, I'll be 90% straight, but then I'll somehow shift and become 90% lesbian. It keeps happening and it bugs me as I find it difficult to define myself in this area. It also worries me that I'll start a relationship, but then shift and I won't want to be with the person I'm dating. Has anyone else experienced something like this?
     
  2. Kgirl

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    Yes, and the shift during a relationship. I've now split up with my bf even though we're still great friends but I just stopped feeling attracted to him. I'm hoping this has all calmed down now I'm in my mid twenties!
     
  3. Kyubi

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    same here. It IS extremely annoying and even more confusing. Hope it subsides and doesn't get in the way of long term stuff...
     
  4. Pret Allez

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    Yes, I have experienced this shift. You're not required to have a stable orientation.
     
  5. Kyubi

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    I have not split up with my gf tho...i just ride it out and then freak out on her once I'm leaning more to heterosexual lol.
     
  6. cm81990

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    I think this is the root of my fears dating someone bi. This whole "ping-pong" thing, with constant shifts. Your bi partner wakes up one day and finds him/herself way more attracted to the gender opposite you. Of course there's "hetero privilege," but my viewpoint on that is evolving the more I talk to like-minded people. I know of some bi guys who are relatively stable 50/50. That's something I could understand. But constant shifts all over the spectrum? Truly unusual. I have never heard of sexual fluidity or these "shifts" until I read some of these forums. I knew for a long time people were gay, straight, or bi and based on what I've learned in school and with friends, that it remains relatively fixed and stable throughout life. I'm not sure sexual fluidity is applicable to the majority of the population, but it is obvious some people experience it. IMO, it appears to be a minority within a minority. Nevertheless, it is a real phenomenon.
     
  7. BudderMC

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    Depends on how you define it. My professor defined it in such a way that all people are sexually fluid, just some people hardly ever change and some people change all the time. I personally like that definition.
     
  8. Eatthechildren

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    Fluidity is annoying >.< This time last year I was primarily attracted to women, to the point where I thought I might be gay. Now I'm more balanced, but I'm leaning towards men :s

    Are you attracted to anyone in particular right now? I've found that my sexuality is defined by who I'm attracted to at the time being. For example, when I was considering coming out as gay, I was in a relationship (Of sorts) with a girl. And the truth is, I only had eyes for her. Now I'm in a "relationship" (I wouldn't call it that... It's complicated) with a guy, and whilst I described myself as leaning towards men, the truth is I'm just leaning towards him.

    My advice is to not worry about the gender of who you're attracted to. Just experience attraction :slight_smile:
     
  9. Pret Allez

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    Shifts don't causes us to dump our partners according to our periodicity. Also, as a practical matter, the shifts happen, at least for me, over a long period of time. They are a reality for some people, but not others. It's not really fair to say that people who have shifts like this are not worth dating. They are worth dating to the degree they are faithful.
     
  10. Femme

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    I can only speak for myself but here's my reality. I fall for the person. If that person is female, then I'm in a same sex relationship and the world sees me as lesbian. I've been in a monogamous same sex relationship since 2005. So don't rule out a bisexual since we are not all the same.

    In my 20s, I dated a man for four years. We were exclusive and had a very sexually fulfilling relationship. We considered marriage but it didn't happen for many reasons that had nothing to do with my bisexuality. If I'm with a man, the world will consider me straight.

    I'm not straight and since I had a satisfying long term sexual relationship with a man, I can't see how I could call myself a lesbian. Bisexual seems to work.

    It's about whether a partner is faithful. I'm living with a woman and have been for a few years. I'm not more likely to cheat on her with a man than a woman.

    I also did not know that people fluctuated. Maybe it just because they haven't found the one yet of either gender. Who knows?
     
  11. cm81990

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    If some people never change, then how are ALL people sexually fluid? That doesn't make sense. I acknowledge some people are sexually fluid and some people are sexually rigid. I've been open minded as possible towards the opposite sex... no dice. In these forums, some are obviously fluid and some are very rigid. But there seems to be this bias promoting this idea that we are all sexually fluid or inherently bi or very few are completely gay/straight. Where's the empirical evidence of that? Sure, some are fluid/bi/pan, etc. But it is annoying when people constantly say sexuality isn't black or white or can never be black & white. I'm sorry but it is for a lot of people and lots of people have remained comfortably on one end of the spectrum or the other unchanged their entire lives. That's a fact.
     
  12. Argentwing

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    Eh, you're 18. I swung wildly like that too. My swings have tended towards milder as the years have gone by though, and now I've pretty much hit equilibrium in the middle. I always thought I'd stay gay or straight, but I didn't, and that's awesome. :grin:
     
  13. Valkyrimon

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    THanks for all the advice! :slight_smile: