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Mixed views on sex.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by UnderARock, Mar 13, 2008.

  1. UnderARock

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    I have some mixed feelings about sex. I have discussed this with a few peeps in the chat but this is something more complicated that can’t be fully covered in short chat messages. Keeping promises I’m going to provided some more details on the forums.
    So to give you all a perspective, even in the perfect situation and the guy of my dreams wanted to do me, I don’t think I’d say yes.
    I do have a kinda dirty side thats er … looks at nice things and er … relieves myself. I’m worry about turning 20 later this year. I really feel like I should have done something with someone by then.
    I also have another side (probably the more dominate one) that doesn’t think I should have sex, EVER. I guess all of this steams from going to a christian high school. The sexual education there was abstinence only. They made us sign a pledge saying that we would wait until marriage. Of course this was addressing straight sex, they acted as if homosexuality doesn’t exist. Most of you know that I am an atheist and reject christianity however I just can’t seem to reject this part of their moral code no matter how hard I try. I feel that if I see someone bad things will happen, of course bad things happen now but thats not the point. Gah this is so hard to articulate. There’s more to say but I might leave that to later replys.
     
  2. Grantious

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    awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
    i'd give u advice but u already kno what i'd say lol
    :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: msn n all

    Catch
     
  3. SAGUY84

    SAGUY84 Guest

    I think you need to make up your mind 100%.


    Although, most religious people only choose certain parts of their religion to follow, so your not really alone there.



    Just remember, just because your gay, it doesn't mean you HAVE to have sex.
     
  4. Quitex

    Quitex Guest

    My question is, "Did you REALLY felt that signing that abstinence pledge was what YOU wanted to do, or they forced you?"
    It is not fair to force someone to do what they don't want to do.

    Follow your heart but think with your brain. If the situation comes around and you want to do it, then it's your and only your decision. Use protection, of course.

    There is no need to hurry thing up, too. If you feel you're not ready emotinally, then you are not ready and there is no need to push yourself You'll end hurting yourself emotinally if you do something you dont want/not ready for.

    I wish you the best of the lucks.
    Btw, in this world, being virgin should make you proud, since that shows how strong you are and how hard you follow your own convictions. I'm proud of you. And again, it is your decision.
     
  5. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    I wouldn't worry about turning 20. You're still quite young and lots of people are still virgins at 19. I'm sure your future boyfriend won't give a hoot, if he's a good'un. You don't have to do, or not do, anything before you want to. I'm sorry about your lingering feelings influenced by your school... I guess only time can heal this, or a great boyfriend. :slight_smile: I'm sure it will pass eventually though. These mind-blocks suck, but they don't last forever :slight_smile:
     
  6. sexyalex

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    firstly, darling; arn't we all afraid of aging? *scoffs*(wrinkles) :lol:
    secondly, the whole catholic code thing..hummhum. no no.

    if it's ethical within you to keep ur virginity (homosexual or hetrosexual) then u can do so. however the small side of u want to do something before ur 20th birthday? look within urself and decide what u want. just know that people might say sex, everyone is doing it! then if everyone is doing it why arn't you doing it...why am i not doing it?

    a little secret..my mom never had her first sex until she was age 37(so that is my deadline) :grin:
     
  7. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    Morality is not such a fine line. Maybe you can reach some kind of compromise. You signed the petition but you are right, the Catholic church doesn't even recognize gay people. So I think it is null and void. Maybe set a goal for yourself that you shouldn't have sex until you are in love. That sounds like a more reasonable compromise and one that doesn't compromise your morality.
     
  8. Zec24

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    Don't worry about turning 20 and not having done anything. I'm 22 and I've never done anything, with either gender (not that I want to do anything with males).

    I'm a bit confused about what it is you have mixed feelings about. Is it sex before marriage, or sex in general? I have pretty mixed feelings about sex as well. I'm not sure I really want to have sex any time soon. It's just not something I really feel comfortable with right now. Not everyone feels ready in their teens or even in their early twenties. Only do what you are comfortable with and don't worry about feeling like the only one who hasn't done anything. I know for a fact there are plenty of us out there.
     
  9. KaraBulut

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    UnderARock:

    You've said some confusing things.


    I do have a kinda dirty side thats er …

    First of all, sex is not dirty. It is a part of being human and normal part of a loving relationship.


    I also have another side (probably the more dominate one) that doesn’t think I should have sex, EVER. So to give you all a perspective, even in the perfect situation and the guy of my dreams wanted to do me, I don’t think I’d say yes.

    This is a little more troublesome. If you were saying that you wanted to wait until you were in a committed relationship, this would be a reasonable and healthy choice. But to say part you does not want to have sex- EVER- shows that there are some other issues that you still need to work through.

    There are religions that are more accepting of sex and sexuality. And there are many denominations- Christian and otherwise- that are supportive of gay people and gay relationships.

    I guess my question to you is whether, by being an atheist, are you trying to separate yourself from an unhealthy, negative experience with religion or whether you truly do not believe in a higher being and higher purpose to life.
     
  10. Grantious

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    he he
    i rili like that responce
     
  11. Chris

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    i think they're right!
     
  12. tomfromeds

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    The fact that u r turning 20 should not b a fact that is making u choose 2 go hav sex. i mean if everyone committed suicide by the time u were 20, wud u? Also, i may b wrong and please dont take offence, but is it possible that u still are not 2 sure within urself as to ur sexuality. i mean if the thought of sexual relations with a guy does not seam right, then maybe ur bi/str8. But u cud b full on gay, ahh sexuality is such a biatch. hehe. I think that this mixed with ur religious background could b the course of ur concern. Also, on note to the religion. Is it possible that as you started to think about being gay and such, u realised how against ur religion this was and decided that as a reason to denounce urself? Also, u can hav some of the same beliefs, like abstance, as a religion without being part of the religion. Jst because a religion u dont believe in follows a rule or belief, doesnt mean u cant.
    Hope all goes well and u sort everything out.
    Tom
    XxxxX
     
  13. Tim

    Tim
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    UnderaRock, I know how you feel, about not being into christianity, but still believe you should wait until marriage. However, explaining it is extremely weird. >_< Not much I can really say, just know you aren't Alone =P
     
  14. Jim1454

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    Perhaps this is just an expression and you didn't mean it this way, but I don't think you should let the guy of your dreams 'do you' either.

    Sex is (usually) best when it's experienced with someone you love, and when it is a mutually enjoyable experience. So if you're a virgin and inexperienced I would strongly recommend not simply letting some guy 'do you'. That's not what it's about, and you're not likely going to enjoy it.

    I'm sure I also felt insecure or uncomfortable with the fact that I had not had sex yet when I was 19. It would be another 6 years before I eventually had sex. Now for me - that's because I was clueless as to why I didn't have a real drive to have sex with girls. So I didn't until I was in a serious relationship (my first) with my future wife.

    TV and movies give the impression that everyone else but you is in love and having sex. That's simply not true. So don't let it get you down.

    But I have to agree that I'm not sure why you would suggest you wouldn't EVER have sex. Forever is a pretty long time, you know. :icon_wink Don't feel like you need to justify your position of today (that you're not ready) by saying that you don't ever want to have sex. It's perfectly OK to feel the way you do today, but be open to changing your mind in the future.
     
  15. Lexington

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    First off, don't put a timeline on your sexual experience. I didn't get around to having sex with anyone until I was 25. I kinda wish now I would've started earlier, but I can't say I really regret anything, either. Things worked out really well.

    Secondly, it's easy to reject sex when it's still a hypothetical. In essence, you're turning down sex in a situation that doesn't even exist yet. There's a hypothetical guy, there's a hypothetical relationship, there's a hypothetical chance of having sex, and you're saying "no thanks". No need to jump the gun here. Wait until you DO meet a guy, wait until you DO get to know him, wait until the relationship appears to be heading towards the bedroom. Then, and only then, can you really weigh everything. And at that point, you'll have different feelings about everything than you do now. I have a feeling you'll know when the time is right. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  16. Master Hade

    Master Hade Guest

    i WISH i had the opertunity to sign an abstinence pledge!
    I would sign it
    yvanna humpalot or sumthing!
     
  17. Blaz

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    I feel as though I share many of the same feelings as you do, though I am Theist.

    :frowning2:

    This is why I need to be allowed in chat. . .
     
  18. Jebs

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    ...Really? Did you really try to group sex and suicide together? Sex = pleasure. Suicide = end of pleasure. Probably not the best way of conveying a point. :dry: