Right now I think I'm bisexual. I'm not entirely sure if my attraction to boys is real or not. Maybe a bit of history will help. Hopefully this post isn't too long. When I was in elementary school I got crushes on girls. When I was seven I remember this girl. For some reason I imagined her naked. I liked that thought, but I didn't understand why I enjoyed it. I thought it was a weird thought to have. I remember this one girl who I wanted to be best friends with. I liked her the second I saw her for some reason. When she was mean to me I got upset and ended up chasing her around the playground and teasing her. I was mostly friends with girls because I was a girly girl. When I was ten I learned what gay people were. I knew that there was girls I liked, I just didn't know if I "like liked" them. I was also starting to pay attention to other girls bodies more. I thought that when I went to middle school I would start to like boys. When I was eleven I didn't like anyone. I was aware that other students were talking about having crushes. I thought I was maybe just behind them. When I was twelve I got more attracted to girls. I was upset because I didn't want to be a lesbian. I didn't tell anyone about my feelings. I eventually complained to everyone about not having a boyfriend. I constantly thought about wanting a boyfriend because I hoped that would make me more interested in boys. After that I forced myself to get a crush on a boy. When I was thirteen I managed to avoid thinking about the possibility of being a lesbian. I was still "upset" about not having a boyfriend. I was honestly more upset about my lack of attraction to boys. When I was fourteen I randomly got asked out by a girl. I knew for sure I only liked her as a friend. It was very awkward being asked out because that brought out a lot of repressed thoughts I had. I declined because I was just starting high school and I didn't want risk my reputation by dating a girl I didn't even like. Later that year I got hit on by a guy. I didn't really like him either, but I decided to hang out with home because I didn't have any friends. I eventually went out with him. We became a couple. I enjoyed holding hands with him. I tried to let him kiss me, but I kept feeling reluctant about that. When I got the courage to kiss him on the lips I didn't feel anything. Most of my kissing and physical contact felt forced and a bit off. Everyone seemed to be really happy for me. I felt like the relationship was empty. When I was in the relationship I was starting to like a girl. I felt like she was my soul mate and she was perfect. She made me look forward to going to class and I got disappointed whenever she was absent. She happened to be a lesbian, but I found out she liked another girl. This was disappointing. My boyfriend broke up with me because I didn't like him enough. I wasn't upset and I felt a bit relieved. After those events I identified as gay for a bit. I finally got enough courage to tell my mom, but she just thought it was a phase. I was upset about that. After that I kept more quiet. I decided to test my sexual orientation with porn. I watched lesbian porn, but it didn't really turn me on. I tried watching gay porn and it turned me on. I thought this was weird. After I watched gay porn I got more attracted to boys. I eventually just called myself bisexual instead. When I was fifteen my sexuality fluctuated a lot. Whenever I liked boys more it felt weird for some reason. I'm now sixteen. I have a crush on a male teacher. I like him because be is smart and funny. It doesn't feel weird to like him. Sorry for the long post.
You're still growing up and changing which probably explains the sudden changes in your life. I think that you shouldn't worry about this. Not until your older. You still got to experiment and have fun. Its OK being confused because everyone goes through it. You sound bi but that could change. Live life and then one day you'll wake up and say. Hey I'm bla bla! I wish the best of luck to you.
I think you should give it time, there should be no rush to label yourself. In my opinion though, you sound gay and I'll tell you why. You said it best I think you have tried to force yourself to like guys. I used to be/still am upset about my lack of attraction towards men. So, I kinda forced myself to give them a chance and in doing so, I became a heartbreaker. I think you should embrace your feelings, if you're not attracted to boys then it's okay. I used to have a crush on a male teacher when I was in high school and I'm sure it's very common. However, before that I used to from what I can clearly remember having a crush on my 1st/2nd and 4th grade female teachers. They were absolutely beautiful How about you start talking to more girls. I think by hanging around more girls, you'll figure things out. Anywho, take your time and I'm here for you (*hug*)
As Peaceout said, you're still growing up and these fluctuations are normal. Just don't rush yourself to find the label which best fits you. Perhaps you really only like girls and your crush is a bit forced. Perhaps you like both girls and guys but with a strong preference for girls. Perhaps you only like girls in general but some guys, not a lot, will also manage to attract your attention (you wouldn't be the only "lesbian with an exception", I've seen quite a few stories like this). For now, just take time to reflect. You're the only person who can come to a real conclusion about who you like.
I've noticed that my attraction to guys is more "unstable". Sometimes I have boy crazy phases, but they usually only last for a short amount of time. My boy crazy phases are usually intense, but they feel weird and "unnatural". I haven't been having very many boy crazy phases lately despite having a bit of a crush on a male teacher right now. I'm either going through a gay phase or my sexuality is stabilizing.
I had intense almost obsession crushes on guys... But for me I really didn't want to be with them physically or even have a real relationship. But I thought so until I really got the chance. I just was so attracted to their brilliance or success or sexual prowess...so I think I just envied them. Or I was thinking of what it would make me look like or give me to be with them. Girl crushes were more "stable" because I really felt like I wanted to be with them. Like we could be equals or share things.
