this day is probably the best of my life, i went to my therapist today and i felt it, we talked about everything from being underappreciated from those i protect to my dysfunctional family. it started with how i was angry and how i was close to breaking, and how my mom never seems to understand me, and i cant just open up and tell him im gay, last time that happened...it didnt end well. so now fast forward a bit to me and my mom in the car, she tells me to cut my finger nails and i take it in slowly. i let it settle and then she calls me being nasty since i went to that appointment. and finally i let it all come out, how she doesnt fucking care if im happy or sad, how that i find "flaws" in everyone and that i dont like anyone. ok, this next part might need to be censored NO FUCKING SHIT I DONT LIKE PEOPLE AND YOU, LAST TIME I CAME OUT AND OPENED MYSELF UP I WAS BETRAYED AND CRUCIFIED BY YOU! now she wants me to be friendly with other people WHO ARE FUCKING ASS HOLES TO ME. :***: be frinedly? you have to be more accepting an open to other people make friends off the internet? no that all want to hurt you, be more open at school be open? no you cant be too open accept the flaws? im not going to hang with people who hurt me like you say walk away from those who hurt you? no you have to be more friendly i feel like im being forced and pushed to do something i really dont want to do and im starting to go a little insane. and now guess what, i had to apologize to her for HER MAKING ME MISERABLE, now someone please just shoot me and get this the FUCK OVER WITH
Maybe your mom needs to attend a session with you. Sometimes it takes a good mediator to get anywhere.
Well, I'm glad it went well with the therapist. I don't really understand the rest of your post, sorry From what I can understand, I think you should take a step back and try to focus on the people that make you feel better, whoever they may be. Does that help?
the problem is that the people who make me feel better and happy are on here and the internet, to my mom, EVERYONE on the internet is a pedophile
How old is your mum? Does she use the computer much? Sometimes people who don't use the internet don't understand all the things on it, to some extent she's right you have to be carefull but places like EC set up to helppeople are different. I'm not sure if this is the point of your post but people on EC are allways willing to talk. Also perhaps you should just relax and let both of you cool off a bit then try and talk aboutit with less shouting and swear words thatuseually works with my mum.
I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time. I think you need to be where you feel loved and supported, and if that's online right now, then that's OK. At the same time, you should have a couple of 'real' people in your life that you can turn to. Otherwise, the world does seem like a pretty lonely and empty and meaningless place to be. I hope you can find a couple of those people. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like you're going to find them in your own house...
thanks jim, ive cooled down a bit and now im not talking to her and avoiding her. i guess she has this thing in her mind that because she is older makes her smarter and because she reads self help, she knows EXACTLY what to think. for the most part, i asked my therapist who sounded more rational and he said I was. now i would come out and tell him the reason im so detached from most people is because im gay but i only trust him oh so much
