I dont know what to do I am soo upset with my self I have been denying my self I am gay but cover up as bi and its driving me into depression i cry at times for no reason what can I do ?
Hey there. When you say you're covering up as bisexual instead of gay, is there something specific that's prompting you to do that?
I could give examples why I kept denying I was gay and insisted on bi. Maybe these are some of the reasons similar to yours. 1. Gay is a loaded term. The word itself reminds me of a culture and the stereotypical feminine guy. At one time, it reminded me of weakness. There's a huge stigma attached to it. 2. Bi is less loaded and intense. It sounds more masculine. 3. You feel somewhat more "normal" being bi than totally gay. 4. It keeps the door open of that so-called "normal life." (e.g. wife, kids, picket white fence). It takes time to get over those and accept who you are. There is one obvious downside of being gay that has nothing to do with stereotypes or not feeling "normal." * Much much smaller dating pool. Now that's the only REAL downside in my opinion that has nothing to do with society.
I did the same, in my head. I always believed I could have a future with a woman and not have to come out as anything. I knew in my heart of hearts that I was gay and that would never happen, but it gave me some reassurance even just making myself believe it. This isn't to say there aren't bi people out there, because there's many, but it's not something we can just decide to be. Eventually you'll come around to being gay, but if you're not ready to do that yet, don't. Take comfort from wherever and whatever you can, because it's not easy.
