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Should I wait for her?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Rosalay, Feb 21, 2013.

  1. Rosalay

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    Hi!

    3 years ago I fell in love with a very good friend of mine. After a long battle with myself I finally accepted that I could have lesbian feelings for someone. Me and my friend were very close and there has always been a lot of tension between us. At some point it just became too much and I felt I had no other choice than to tell her that I was (am) in love with her.

    My friend took it very well, saying I would always be "an amazing friend". However, she soon afterwards disappeared out my life and moved back to her home country. Apart from a distant email on my birthday I have not heard from her. At all.

    I haven't seen my friend in a year, but I strongly feel that I have touched a nerve. I have heard from others that she is very depressed at the moment.

    She obvioulsy wants me out of her life, maybe because I remind her of a part of her that she doesn't like, but I am not sure of that. And now I don't know what I should do. I want to respect her and wait for her to contact me, but at the same time I want her to know that we can work this out together. My fear is that we will never see each other again if I back off forever.

    All this is very confusing and difficult. I was hoping that you guys would have some insights :dry:
     
    #1 Rosalay, Feb 21, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2013
  2. silverhalo

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    Well when was the last time you were in contact? I don't think writing an email asking how she is and saying you know you haven't been that close recently but if she ever needs you then you'll always be there would hurt. Then just wait and see if she replies
     
  3. Rosalay

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    I have sent her an ecard over Christmas. She read it but never replied :frowning2:
     
  4. Rosalay

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    Hmm I've just sent her an email stating there are no hard feelings from my side and I will always think she is an amazing person. She will probably never reply, but I just wanted to let her know.

    This whole situation is terrible. I feel like I have gone crazy.
     
  5. Ianthe

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    Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets!

    Well, I don't think waiting for her is a good idea. It is unlikely that you will have the relationship you want with her. I realize it can be quite hard to let go, especially of the first person you really develop feelings for that way. But, at least for now, you have to accept that she doesn't seem interested in a relationship with you.

    Have you ever felt similarly for a man? Your "orientation" field says you are questioning. It would probably be a good idea to work that out, so that you know who you should be looking to have relationships with as you move on. Obviously, you sometimes have feelings for women. So, you are either gay or bisexual. The remaining question is, "Can you feel similarly for men?"
     
  6. Rosalay

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    Thanks :slight_smile:

    Yeah, I completely get that she is not interested in a relationship. I would never want to be in a relationship with someone I was not in love with either. However, what I don't understand is that she's also rejecting our friendship. We have not properly talked about this because she didn't give me the chance. Of course things were never gonna be the same between us, but I did not expect her to disappear out of my life completly.

    The only other person I have felt the same way for (though it was much less complicated) was a guy I was with for about 2 years. It is very rarely that I fall in love.
     
    #6 Rosalay, Feb 25, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2013
  7. Rosalay

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    Thanks again for your replies :slight_smile:

    Much to my suprise I received a message from my friend. She says she's been feeling down over a the last year and needed time to think. She also assured me she's not feeling weird or angry about my confession and wants to stay in touch more.

    I almost cried with relief when I read her email :grin:. It seems that she does want to stay friends after all and that makes me really glad.
     
  8. lilbit55

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    you should try sending her an email telling her how you feel and see what happens