Alright, so I've been in an especially depressed and anxious mood lately, I haven't even posted or messaged on here lately cuz I just don't wanna talk or think or anything. I've been meeting with a counselor at a local LGBT center for a few weeks now though just had to start with a new one. I'm not out to my family and I'm not ready to go through that (not sure if I ever will be), so I haven't been telling them where I am going. When I was going to counselor meetings during the day I would say I was going for a job interview, which I've also been doing other times. But at the LGBT center I met with the mental health coordinator and she told me to come to these group sessions held Thursday nights at 8 invite-only. I was looking forward to hopefully meeting some other people my own age in the area, especially other LGBTQ people (my counselor said there were a lot of cute boys there). However, my parents would not let me leave the house without telling them exactly where I am going. We just had a massive blow-out of an argument with between me, my mother and stepfather. Now I'm not allowed to go anywhere. So at age 22, I am a prisoner in my parents' house. Meanwhile they've been saying I should move out of the house for a while and tonight it's really reached a boiling point with them saying I need to get out of their house along with a lot of hurtful comments that have me in tears right now. They won't let me leave the house, yet they want me to move out. I wish I could move out. I wish I had a job and friends and a boyfriend and my own place and a life. But I will never have any of that. Since graduating college, I've been trapped in this house pretty much isolated from human contact, and now the one bright light I had caught a glimpse of has been snuffed out. Going to the LGBT center was my only hopeful connection to the outside world, but now I have nothing. I had told the group leader and counselor I'd be there today but I just won't be showing up. My depression and social anxiety have really just completely taken over me now, and I don't know how to possibly overcome them, I thought I was taking the first steps to do so, but now I'm just forever trapped in my predicament. It was hard enough getting over my own fears and anxieties to seek out the LGBT center, now I really just can't do anything. So now, another night stuck crying in my room, nothing going on, nobody to talk to, nothing ever changes. I really don't see how I have much of a future. I can't keep living like this, with no end in sight. :help:
You maybe the prisoner but you are the warden too. Along with being the architect who designed th prison knowing its weaknesses, as well as the guy who puts the guards off duty and unlocks the doors. The power is yours. Yup it is scary to exercise power and change the old and comfortable for new and challenging. You can do it though. There must be a loving, supportive gay couple out there to mentor you and get you on your feet. Stuck
Like reading a book, you have briefly escaped your prison by logging onto this site, use this site when you need to escape & converse with the people on here, this can help in the short term, don't lose hope that you will one day have your own job, friends, boyfriend & a place of your own, in essence a life, even the darkest tunnels have a light at the end of them, sending you a hug (*hug*) stay strong my friend :icon_bigg
What power do hey hold over you to stay in the house? Because at age 21 they hold no legal powers of any kind. You are an adult. You shouldn't need to ask them to go out now should you ned to tell them where you're going. If you do feel the need to tell them where you are going, you can give partial information. Tell them that you've been depressed and seeing a counselor about it. They commended to attend this support group. Depression is not something you need to be ashamed of. And you don't need to tell why you are depressed.
He has no job, despite having looked a ton, and they could kick him out of the house, making him homeless. Which is a pretty big deal.
I think you should tell them what's going on with you, especially if they are considering kicking you out. If you don't want them to know, tell them you're going to another job interview. There's no way you should feel like a prisoner, especially at your age. You have to stand up and speak up for yourself. If you don't do it then no one's going to do it for you. You can speak your mind without being disrespectful towards them.
As much as it may be difficult to do, get a job. They can't mess with your finances (Long as you keep it from them) and once you are able to get on your feet and find a career then you'll be the one who controls your relationship with them instead of letting them control you. Even if it's just a junky fast food job, I know people who have worked countless trivial jobs for years (Up into their late 20's and some even beyond that) so it's not impossible, just difficult. It might take some personal sacrifices and some walking on eggshells for a bit, but you'll come out on top in the end. It's not fair but they are just trying to hold onto whatever control they've got over you at the moment; you've got a whole life ahead of yourself so don't give up, if anyone's wasting their time it's your parents who won't face the truth that you are grown and capable. Depressions a nasty thing, try and do your best to get though this time and don't give in it won't be easy; keep active as much as you can, try and ward it off till your independent and you don't have to worry about weather or not you'll have a roof over your head. Defiantly get help if you need it, nothing is worth more than yourself.
Rakkaus, I'm sorry all we have are words! (*hug*), but don't cut yourself off from EC. Do whatever you can to at least vent.
Goddamit this shit is happening again...my mother's damn husband is home today, and now I can't even go to my counseling session, today we were going to work on some job applications and to start doing volunteer work at the LGBT center...I can't even leave this room...oh gosh I hate these people, I went out trying to be nice was talking to them and told them I was going to go out in a bit, and suddenly all hell broke loose with them screaming that I'm not going anywhere...I ran to my room and slammed the door but they've been banging on it saying things about how worthless I am and that I need to move out of their house. I'm trying to get my fucking life together and these morons are instead trying to fuck my life up. I hate them. :bang::help: The only happy and productive moments I've had in my life since moving back in here after college were when I actually got out of this house...:tears:
While I have little to no experience with any of the issues you're currently suffering through, I think I can create a pretty good picture of the scenario. My honest suggestion would just be to take the bull by the horns here and just do what you think is best for you. You're a 22 year old male that has no legal obligation to your mother or stepfather. If you want to go to your counseling session and volunteer at the LGBT center, go. They don't have to know where you're going, although you can always announce it (or just that you'll be back later) when you walk out. Just pick up what you need, grab your keys (or bus ticket, or bike- I don't know how you travel x3), and exit stage left. Once you're out that door I highly doubt they'll make a scene. Oh, and when you leave, don't look back. ;3 You can deal with those two later. Your life is priority- and don't you forget that! ((I think this is one of the few situations where yolo is actually an appropriate term. xD))
Unfortunately I don't even have money to buy MetroCards to pay the train fare, and my old stockpile has run out. I feel like I'm going to have to tell them where I am going....and since its an LGBT center that means that would basically force me to come out to them at a time when I'm definitely not feeling ready to. Ugh. Of course there's no guarantee that they would actually let me go if they know. I have no idea how my stepfather would react.
How far is it to walk there? (Or, I guess a better question would be how safe is it to walk there, depending...) I don't think coming out to them at the moment is a good idea, but you could just say you're volunteering! Good samaritan and all that! ;D You do have some moral obligation to them, which is fine- you obviously do care for them more then you may realize. :3 (Even if they are being over-controlling and overbearing people!) But this is your life you're dealing with, and they should be honored to have any part in it at all. I do have a question for you though: Where do you want to go? ((It's a fairly open-ended question- answers range from physical locations to future endeavors ;D))
Can you ask for help at the LGBT center? Perhaps for a place to stay while you get a job and a place of your own. I expect many have ways of supporting people in your situation. (This is assuming you can ever get there, but I suspect you could if you didn't need to rely on a place to return to) Have you considered lying about where you are going? You could tell them anything. That you're going to volunteer to get experience for getting a job. Or that you're going to a job interview. Anything really. Just plan it beforehand, don't just come up with it on the spot. And don't be prepared to give false details, if its even possible for them to check them out, its highly unlikely that they would bother.
I'm really sorry that things are going this way . There is no excuse for how they spoke to you. Even if you're not ready to come out, is there any way you could tell them that you are feeling depressed and anxious and that you need to go see your counselor for that? They don't have to know that its LGBT related. They could even be told that its job search related, which isn't a lie. What could be the possible reactions they would have if you came out?
I secon Hexagon's idea about seeing if you can get immediate support from the Lgbt center. You need to be able to get help from someone there regarding finding a job so you can get out of the house if its hostile there. Keep me posted. (*hug*)
