OK everyone. I seriously need help with this big problem. I'm 100% gay, out to 3 people in my family.. The reason why I'm here is because I have a crush on my half brother who is straight and who has the same name as me .. I remember back when I was about 12 years old. That is the last time I've seen him. That day I'll always remember because he was so nice to me. I mean like, I was the only one he'd even talk to. I remember him saying that he feels bad for me. I didn't understand him then but now I do. You see, our father gave us both the same name (were named after our dad). My father is a big drunk and a druggie. He's also a little crazy in the head. Well anyways back to my half brother. He knew something was up about me. I think he knew I was confused about my sexual identity. Anyways, he bought me a bike from a friend of his and was fixing it for me but our father trashed it, he tried saving it for me so he could fix it up and give it to me.. He was nicer then my whole brother. I haven't seen him in 7 years. I have him on facebook and we don't talk to each other anymore. I'd love to see my half brother again. We've never done anything sexual before and I don't think anything like that would happen but I just want to see him and thank him for being there. My full blooded brothers and sisters don't like him, I don't know why. He didn't do anything wrong.. I wish me and him were close like we use to be. I know this will sound wrong to others but he was so cute. I have been thinking about him a lot. To me, it feels like a normal thing but I feel that I should die because of this crush I have. I've had it for a long time. Never bothered telling anyone about it because I was and still is scared to. I just don't know what to do.. I'd like to tell him that I'm gay and how I feel but I can't do that. That would ruin him. I feel I should die and go to hell for this. :help:
Welcome to EC! A few thoughts/questions: 1) How old are you? How old is he? 2) Why don't you feel you can come out to him? The only reason I foresee it being really awkward is if you come out to him AND tell him you like him. 3) A friend of mine once described his crush like this "I'd like a brick wall if it paid any attention to me". Now, I'm not saying your feelings are illegitimate, but is it possible part of what you're feeling is because your half-brother seemed to care when nobody else did?
I agree with Budder here. Your feelings might be stemming from your half brother's kindness. I went through something similar when I was really younger, I had a crush on my older cousin. It wasn't until I was older that I realized my fixation and infatuation was because he was the only member of my family who was outside of the drama, outside of the dysfunction. I felt normal around him, like I could breathe. I just internalized those feelings awkwardly. Hope this helps.
