The letter

I drafted a letter, to be sent to my dad after they all visit me this Sunday, after he leaves on a trip, so he cant be inclined to show up unannounced on campus.

Dear Dad,

I hope work is going well, or at least less stressful, and everything at home is good other than the fish tanks, I think we both knew that they would decline a little bit now that we are both away. I’m emailing you because the email you sent me about not calling you really struck a chord with me. The things I read in it, really bothered me. Now you have to make me a promise, that no matter what I say, you will read this entire letter, and message me back as soon as you can to talk about it. Alright? Good.
First off, you have no idea how much I appreciate what you and mom have done for me and J(younger brother), as much as I may not seem to care, I do. And while that you said that I have decided to avoid talking to you, I really mean it when I said that it was not intentional, I do not have an amazing habit of checking my email on my computer , since it was so readily available on my phone. That being said, I honestly do not look forward to the calls and text messages I get from you guys. The reason is that I feel it’s being a little fake since we were never really all that close to begin with. I really want to fix that, and this next part is going to be really hard for me to type out, its making me nervous right now, and it won’t be at least another 6 days before I even send it, I don’t even want to think about that.
The number one, honest to god, one hundred percent real reason as to why we are not as close as we should be and why I don’t look forward to family time is because I am bisexual. I know this is probably a big blow for you and I get that, I really do, it took me a really long time for me to come to terms with it, and I don’t expect you to be 100% on board with it either all in one day. I really want you to know that absolutely nothing has changed about my personality, I am still the same person, albeit, if you are okay with this, I’m going to be the happiest person in the whole universe and a lot of walls are going to come down and I am going to trust you and mom a lot more and basically everything is going to get better, maybe not a lot at first, but it will. The only thing that won’t change for the better is me telling you about my love life or pointing out who I think looks good, I have a hard enough time with that already with my friends.
And I know they say that this is only a facet of who I am as a person, but if the facets are on a diamond, one dirty, clouded facet, is going to darken the diamond as a whole, and it won’t be able to be at its peak potential. Jewelry references aside, this is true. This is why I would have on and off years grade wise in high school, why I get very nervous during social situations, more than I should. I was always afraid of this part of me coming out (ha) and ruining everyone’s lives, I never realized until now that the one life I am destroying the most was my own. I always thought I had no future because of this, and it was why I was never really interested in growing up and getting my license and looking into colleges. The email you sent me along with a game I played, made me realize this, and made me want to tell you.
Now I’m going to try and address any concerns you may have, and if I miss anything you can ask me, if you are still here. With religion I am not too concerned about, the bible clearly states that there is nothing wrong with this, and I’m still going to go wherever the good people go when they die, I am also not religious, at all. I am not atheist, I still think aliens are out there somewhere, I am more spiritual. I know all the stereotypes and everything about being part of this demographic, and I understand the elevated risk. Lucky for you, I am not as inclined to that behavior as most people. Bisexual being an umbrella term, my closest description would be a pan romantic demi sexual, meaning I love who I want and don’t care what they have in their pants, in fact I don’t really care what’s on them or not, I love a person for being who they are (and a cute face). I have known I was different since 6th grade maybe, I knew something was definitely up by sophomore year, because I would get attracted to both girls and guys. Since college, I’ve kissed a girl and I liked it, she might have had cherry chapstick. I also kissed a boy, and it felt weird at first, but it was okay (he didn’t really know what he was doing.) as far as marriage goes, I really want kids, and lots of pets, and hopefully a large enough house back in California to do that, and I know you said that you don’t like the idea of two guys getting married, but in the end I don’t know who I’ll fall for, and I hope you’re okay with that, or willing to come to terms with it. as for that quite, shy kid you knew as I grew up, I’m not tossing him completely out the window, but if you and mom take this well I am definitely going to be more out there and spontaneous, this has held me back from doing things I’ve always wanted to try, and if you guys are accepting, the rest of the world can go screw itself if they like me or not.
That being said, there is still a large chance that you may not accept me, maybe you are getting really mad right now, I hope not. I am laying my entire being out right now, completely and horribly unprotected and exposed. I know the risks I’m taking by telling this to you while I am in such a vulnerable position, I don’t know if I will be able to get back up if this backfires, this is my one chance, my only hope, if I wait any longer I am going to go insane. I’m telling this to you first because I know mom and I but heads a lot, and she is a lot more volatile than you are. So please, if you do accept me, don’t tell her, I’ll do it myself. I will probably message J myself if you accept me.
As for future contact right now, don’t come visit me anymore until after spring break, I will come home then, best to get all the talking out in a controlled environment. I hope to see you then, preferably with a big hug, and maybe some tears, I have apparently lost the ability to cry of sadness, not joy though.
All the best
-G

 

I just want to be honest, and it wasnt a "hey you havent called in a while"
more of a
"okay fucker since you're not going to respond I'm canceling your credit card and taking all the money in your account along with the car, have a nice day"

while a nice way of getting someones attention, that's no way to talk to someone you 'love'

if i can find a way to embed a link to the thread that discuss this further i would, but isince no one read the last one and im highly doubting this one will be read as well, i will abstain from that until necessary.

 

"Hello you,

I don't know if you remember me, but just in case I am your father, the one that pays your studies and everything else. I am writing to let you know since you have decided to avoid us, I am canceling the credit card and moving the money out of your ATM account tomorrow. I am trying to understand what we have done to you for us to deserve this kind of treatment. If your phone still not working you could have let us know to get it fix since I am paying for the insurance on it. If it is working and you are not taking our calls then you are a worse son that I could have ever imaging. your mother wanted to go see you this weekend and you didn't answer her if today or tomorrow was a good day. I will be back next weekend and I am coming to take the car back home, I am tire of delay with your crap.

Anyway hope you are doing good and that you at least are getting good grades this semester.

Your Father"

there's the email he sent me, that way i don't put a bias on it or anything, Ill take out the part you said about the extended label, i was iffy on it so i wrote it just in case.

 

Thank you for your response newgirl, I know the risks of doing this so early than i had planned, but this is literally killing me. I know that if things go sour they will cut me off, it isn't the emotional support i get from them, like my letter says, we aren't close at all. what im worried about is if he takes all the money away, im left broke and will have to drop out next year, with no cell phone or car or money.
my overall emotional support is not where i want it to be either, i tried contacting my friends, letting them know the situation, as of now it looks like I'm on my own.

my parents do tend to exaggerate, but the line blurs every so often, usually involving unnecessary violence and threats.

i would like to be able to just say sorry and keep going, but i can't its getting to the point of hurting and being to depressed to do stuff i need to do. my grades will be worse off if i don't do this as soon as i am willing, and this is the first time i have been weighing this option.

that's something i can hear my dad saying, which is why im asking for help here, this is my one shot, or it feels like it is. and i need to do it as perfect as i can get it.

if you can, point out the hostile parts in my letter and see what options come up

i have the feeling i am not destined to have a happy, stable social life. people completely ignore me way too often for it to be a coincidence.

i know for certain that if things turn for the worse, its not going to be a happy ending. if somehow my dad goes into denial or refuses to discuss the letter, its a halfway point. if my dad is accepting, everything in theory should be fine and things will improve.

 

thanks again, and dont worry about quality advice, I think you're giving some pretty good advice to me right now, and i thank you for that.

my one question is why you highlighted to take out the diamond reference?

ill submit a revision tonight or tomorrow, probably tonight.

 

Dear Dad,

I hope work is going well, or at least less stressful, and everything at home is good other than the fish tanks, I think we both knew that they would decline a little bit now that we are both away. I’m emailing you because the email you sent me about not calling you really struck a chord with me. The things I read in it, really bothered me. Now you have to make me a promise, that no matter what I say, you will read this entire letter, and message me back as soon as you can to talk about it. Alright? Good.
First off, you have no idea how much I appreciate what you and mom have done for me and J, as much as I may not seem to care, I do. And while that you said that I have decided to avoid talking to you, I really mean it when I said that it was not intentional, I do not have an amazing habit of checking my email on my computer , since it was so readily available on my phone. That being said, and among other things, there is something I need to tell you.
The number one, honest to god, one hundred percent real reason as to why we are not as close as we should be is because I am bisexual. I know this is probably a big blow for you and I get that, I really do, it took me a really long time for me to come to terms with it, and I don’t expect you to be 100% on board with it either all in one day. I really want you to know that absolutely nothing has changed about my personality, I am still the same person, albeit, if you are okay with this, I’m going to be the happiest person in the whole universe and a lot of walls are going to come down and I am going to trust you and mom a lot more and basically everything is going to get better, maybe not a lot at first, but it will. The only thing that won’t change for the better is me telling you about my love life or pointing out who I think looks good, I have a hard enough time with that already with my friends.
This is why I would have on and off years grade wise in high school, why I get very nervous during social situations, more than I should. I was always afraid of this part of me coming out (ha) and ruining everyone’s lives, I never realized until now that the one life I am destroying the most was my own. I always thought I had no future because of this, and it was why I was never really interested in growing up and getting my license and looking into colleges. The email you sent me along with a game I played, made me realize this, and made me want to tell you.
Now I’m going to try and address any concerns you may have, and if I miss anything you can ask me, if you are still here. With religion I am not too concerned about, the bible clearly states that there is nothing wrong with this, and I’m still going to go wherever the good people go when they die, I am also not religious, at all. I am not atheist, I still think aliens are out there somewhere, I am more spiritual. I know all the stereotypes and everything about being part of this demographic, and I understand the elevated risk. Lucky for you, I am not as inclined to that behavior as most people. I have known I was different since 6th grade maybe, I knew something was definitely up by sophomore year, because I would get attracted to both girls and guys.
Now, there is still a large chance that you may not accept me, maybe you are getting really mad right now, I hope not. I am laying my entire being out right now, completely and horribly unprotected and exposed. I know the risks I’m taking by telling this to you while I am in such a vulnerable position, I don’t know if I will be able to get back up if this backfires, this is my one chance, my only hope, if I wait any longer I am going to go insane.
As for future contact right now, I guess I’ll see you during spring break, I have studies and it’s not far away anyway. I hope to see you then, preferably with a big hug, and maybe some tears, I have apparently lost the ability to cry of sadness, not joy though. You have no idea how happy I would be if this turns out for the better. And as for telling anyone else, I really hope you will let me tell (or not tell) others in our family at my own will. And if you were wondering why I’m telling you first, is because back in California when you picked me up and told me mom went on my phone’s internet and saw a gay website (which it really wasn’t my fault my friends back then did it, I was too much of a mess to even look into it) you kept your cool. I hope you do so now.
All the best
-G

i think ill try and use something esle for the same analogy, but he might get it, he deals with architects and engineers so ill definitely consider it

 

I do get lengthy when i try to talk about things that mean a lot to me, if that hasnt been noticeable by my history here. so please, i want to get the message across as well as i can with as little junk data as possible. so point out where i can do so.

the letter does not get sent until monday at earliest.

and newgirl, i was thinking the same thing, ill take that out.

 

ill definitely think about it, I want to be as open as i can without ruffling too many feathers.

so my family came to visit today, everything was good, except for when we were at the verizon store trying to fix my phone. there was a possibly gay guy there that I think my mom noticed and called him the offensive slang term in spanish. but im really hoping i just heard something wrong.

If my dad is behind me though she'll just have to deal with it. ill try and make as smooth of a transition as possible but it'll be tough

 

It's still nerve wracking, at least i have till wednesday

 

Dear Dad,

I hope work is going well, or at least less stressful, and everything at home is good other than the fish tanks, I think we both knew that they would decline a little bit now that we are both away. I’m emailing you because the email you sent me about not calling you really struck a chord with me. The things I read in it, really bothered me. Now you have to make me a promise, that no matter what I say, you will read this entire letter, and message me back as soon as you can to talk about it. Alright? Good.
First off, you have no idea how much I appreciate what you and mom have done for me and J, as much as I may not seem to care, I do. And while that you said that I have decided to avoid talking to you, I really mean it when I said that it was not intentional, I do not have an amazing habit of checking my email on my computer , since it was so readily available on my phone. That being said, and among other things, there is something I need to tell you.
The number one, honest to god, one hundred percent real reason as to why we are not as close as we should be is because I am bisexual. I know this is probably a big blow for you and I get that, I really do, it took me a really long time for me to come to terms with it, and I don’t expect you to be 100% on board with it either all in one day. I really want you to know that absolutely nothing has changed about my personality, I am still the same person, albeit, if you are okay with this, I’m going to be the happiest person in the whole universe and a lot of walls are going to come down and I am going to trust you and mom a lot more and basically everything is going to get better, maybe not a lot at first, but it will.
This is why I would have on and off years grade wise in high school, why I get very nervous during social situations, more than I should. I was always afraid of this part of me coming out (ha) and ruining everyone’s lives, I never realized until now that the one life I am destroying the most was my own. I always thought I had no future because of this, and it was why I was never really interested in growing up and getting my license and looking into colleges. The email you sent me along with a game I played, made me realize this, and made me want to tell you.
Now I’m going to try and address any concerns you may have, and if I miss anything you can ask me, if you are still here. Over the years I have done a tremendous amount of research to try and figure this all out, I know all the stereotypes and everything about being part of this demographic, and I understand the elevated risk, threats, concerns, and dangers. Lucky for you, I am not as inclined to extremely risky behavior as most people.as for actually knowing, I have known I was different since 6th grade maybe, and I knew something was definitely up by sophomore year.
Now, there is still a large chance that you may not accept me, maybe you are getting really mad right now, I hope not. I am laying my entire being out right now, completely and horribly unprotected and exposed. I know the risks I’m taking by telling this to you while I am in such a vulnerable position, I don’t know if I will be able to get back up if this backfires, this is my one chance, my only hope, if I wait any longer I am going to go insane.
As for future contact right now, I guess I’ll see you during spring break, I have studies and it’s not far away anyway. I hope to see you then, preferably with a big hug, and maybe some tears.You have no idea how happy I would be if this turns out for the better. And as for telling anyone else, I really hope you will let me tell (or not tell) others in our family at my own will. And if you were wondering why I’m telling you first, is because back in California when you picked me up and told me mom went on my phone’s internet and saw a gay website (which it really wasn’t my fault my friends back then did it, I was too much of a mess to even look into it) you kept your cool. I hope you do so now.
All the best


here is the current revised version