Hi guys first of all thank you for all the advice you give, but I really want to ask you all a question how did you realize you were gay. To be honest yes I've read alot about heteronomative society but I've always wanted a gf but as you've read I've done sexual stuff with a cousin and I know how gay how this sounds I always looked for girls sexually when that failed turned to a cousin he always said how good it was or he likes me but I never felt the same then at 15 I was bi curious and gave him oral at 16 but I always felt upset depressed and wanted a girl instead of that life every girl cheated on me wasn't interested in sex. Anyway I had a gf who dumped me and another after that and I was upset for months I've tried accepting im gay but it doesn't ever work it leaves me depressed and hopeless I just know im not gay because im natrually more attracted to girls but when I try to accept im turned on by penis I feel sort of freedom or hoplessness and I get Goosebumps all over and if I do anything gay I can't sleep or anything I feel guilty sad depressed lonely and genuinly want a girl. But if im bi or straight why did I di stuff with a cousin why di I feel that freedom. Anyone ---------- Post added 22nd Feb 2013 at 08:19 PM ---------- Oh and one more thing I have off had since 8 years old. At first if my clothes got a spot wet I had to take it off. Then it was doors I was frightened doors would not be safe and used to check over and over than it was washing cleaning organising repeating stuff magical thinking now its off about gayness although this doesn't mean im defo not gay
I used to think there was something wrong with me - why couldnt i connect with any of my bfs? why did I never want to sleep with them? I cared about them, but they just didnt turn me on. I'm not sure if I was lying to myself or if I just genuinely didn't understand that I was actually gay - I think it was a little bit of both. I'm not new to sex w women, and I always enjoyed it much much more than with any guy. I realize now I cant have a fulfilling intimate relationship with a man. Now that I've accepted this I feel MUCH much better about myself. Even though "coming out" wrecked my whole life I'm actually a lot happier.
Pertaining to when you were younger: it's not unusual to experiment. Alot of people do, but if these thoughts continue to persist you may be gay or bisexual. You may also just be grieving the loss of your girlfriends so give yourself time to heal from that before making any decisions about your sexuality.
Nearly all of us grew up in families, neighborhoods, churches, towns, countries, societies where being straight is what's normal and expected. Like most of us, your brain was wired with that message. That's something your mind is probably dealing with, and based on what your write, I'd say you're struggling with this. You've come to a realization that what you like and want is a guy; penis turns you on. That's cool, it really is. In the meantime, though, you have to process all that stuff that's been shoved into your brain about being straight. And leaving that behind, that is a kind of mourning and loss. Notice how this group on EC think and OVERTHINK just about everything? :smilewave (me, too) That's cause more than any straight person, we have to work this stuff out in our heads. And that takes a lot of emotional, mental, psychic energy. Keep working on it, keep processing. Most of all, listen to and feel what's in your gut -- that's the truth about you. All the sh*t banging around in your mind -- that's you processing. That's not the truth, at least not yet. (&&&)
You shouldn't feel guilty. People experiment and it's perfectly healthy and natural. If you want to be with a woman, the right one will accept the past for what it is... the past... and will focus rather on the present and building the future with you.
But my main question is this, i know porn isn't a strong indicator of sexuality but why do i feel a sense of freedom when i watch gay porn like i feel guilty but free. And if im mostly straight why did i give oral to a guy more than once :/ and i try to accept myself as gay but it doesn't make senseless
Well if you enjoy it it sounds like you're bisexual dear. Are you just attracted to woman romantically or are you attracted to them physically as well? Are you just attracted to men physically or are you attracted to them romantically as well?
Only attracted to women Romantically and physically but only attracted to penis I think but I havnt done much with a girl I just know I really want to.
Well you might be a heteroromantic bisexual or heteroromantic homosexual... However I can't really say for sure that's just what it sounds like. It might also be that you just want to live a normal life and want to settle down with a girl because it's "normal..." I think time can only really tell you.
