1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

should I tell my best friend or wait till I come out to everyone?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by campervankid, Feb 22, 2013.

  1. campervankid

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2013
    Messages:
    238
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Hi. I was just wondering if anyone could give me their advice on what they think I should do.

    Me and my best friend have been planning to go travelling when we leave school for ages but she doesn't know that i'm a lesbian. I only see her as a friend and she has other friends that are bi but I'm not sure if she'd still want to go travelling with me if I told her. I know I will have to tell her anyway and sometimes I feel like I will explode if I dont come out to even just one person. I know that I'm not ready to come out to eveyone yet but I feel like I'm lying to my best friend so I dont know if I should just tell her now anyway and ask her to keep it a secret. Maybe if I told her now then she would be over it by the time we leave school and there wouldnt be any awkwardness if we did go travelling. I guess I'm just scared that she will react badly and feel like I've been lying to her or that we can be friends but not go travelling together and not be best friends anymore.

    Should I tell her now to give her time to get over the shock or wait until I'm telling everyone else in case someone else finds out????
     
  2. Chloe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2010
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Eastern USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    What you're saying points to telling her first - best friend, not wanting to lie, needing time to adjust, etc. The main reason for not doing it seems to be the possibility of her not wanting to travel with you. IMO, she's not much of a friend if you being a lesbian would make her change the plans. If she has bi friends now, that suggests she can deal with it at some level. She could be insulted if she values your friendship but finds out you told other people first.

    I lost one supposedly close friend by coming out, but losing a closed-minded "friend" really wasn't much of a loss to me at the time.

    You might have to deal with her wondering about your sexual attraction to her - getting stuck between her lack of interest in sexual advances from you and her feelings of rejection if you don't have that interest. Being close non-sexual friends with someone who is the appropriate sex for romance can be tricky, especially when doing something like traveling together.
     
    #2 Chloe, Feb 22, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2013
  3. campervankid

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2013
    Messages:
    238
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Thanks your advice has really helped and I think I will tell her soon. I guess she wouldn't be much of a friend if she wasnt ok with it and I do think she values our friendship. Thanks very much :slight_smile: