Fine with coming out as gay or bi; shamed to be trans*

What's the problem with the gender therapist being a psychiatrist?!

Even though I'm not transgender myself, I can definitely at least try to understand what you are saying. It's is without doubt harder to come out as transgender, because there is certainly less acceptance and less exposure and less societal awareness of it — but it will have to get better with time.

 

Hey there, I'm new to these forums but I wanted to pop in because I've had six months now of being fully "aware" of who I am, as a trans*female and first, I want to say, that somebody telling you that you have to "present" as male before you're "allowed" to even consider hormones, is called gate-keeping.

I'm not 100% sure if it's any different for FtM people, but I know there are more options out there. I don't know much about Canada, but there should be informed consent clinics that can help you bypass the "need" to show everyone that you're "broken."

To me, that's just bullcrap. I have a friend who even found a therapist that got her on Estrogen in like a week or two, none of that year-long presentation stuff.

But I know how it is. I didn't even have the courage to go anywhere and talk to anyone. I got what I needed directly, but I know that isn't an option because Testosterone is a controlled substance, which sucks.

Dysphoria is horrible though. It eats away at you. Before I started my *actual* transition, I was near suicide. I would drive home from work every day wondering who would notice and how long it would take should I drive my car off of the highway and into the river that passes the nuclear power plant.

I'm here for you.

 

I am a trans guy and I feel similarly. When I think about it, I am totally okay with being gay and actually feel proud about it (I am married to a bisexual cis man who is totally accepting about everything). But I too am having trouble with the transgender part. It makes me feel super self-conscious and nervous and scared. I also wonder if it has something to do with the way being gay and lesbian has become much more accepted recently, but being trans still comes with so much ridicule and stigma and ignorance. I agree with you also that gender is so visible so it feels like you're always under the microscope.

I am here for you also.

 

I think the problem when I feel nervous or scared, is really that I think other people will think less of me. But other people don't have to experience this first hand. They don't really have a frame of reference. I do. And I'm really the only person that can get me past this no matter how many supportive friends I have.

Anyone can just suffer in silence. I did it for a very long time. It's very easy to just go with the flow and try to be everything people expect of you. That trick doesn't always work well, and it doesn't work forever. But it is easier, and I'm finding out sooner or later you've got that temptation to go back. I know it wouldn't make it better. I know I'd end up right back here. But it's there.

What I tell myself is that I've figured out how to survive in a world that makes no sense to me. I've figured out how to survive as a man. Not every girl could do that. Not every man like yourself could make it through half a day in a woman's role. I think that's something to be proud of.

I find other things that I can be proud of too. On days when my confidence is just gone and I'm terrified and feeling trapped, like going forward is just as hard as going back, like I can't handle being the woman I am inside or the man I am outside. I had a day like that today. And what I do is I play me some Nintendo. Just anything that'll make me feel like I'm good at something, you know? I know it doesn't sound like a lot but it's night and day what a little bit of confidence does.