Is social paranoia normal?

I suffer from general paranoia bordering on unhealthy but I can't say I've experienced the things you are. I can, however, compare. It is not normal to be paranoid to the extent we are but there probably is a healthy degree of paranoia. I get where it gets in the way of relationships - mine luckily ONLY gets in the way of love relations. I don't know how to stop this. We should probably see therapists or something and I'm sure they'd get it worked out or maybe give prescriptions lol. I know this is a terrible - excruciating - feeling but I'm usually able to laugh it off when I realise I'm doing it. Try it. I also suggest you see who else posts on here - somebody with more knowledge lol. Good luck and you have my sympathy.

 

I don't know if it's normal, because I feel the same way. It's awful and I hate that, because I keep saying "okay, I might be annoying this person as f***". And sometimes when I'm talking to my mom I'll go like "I'm being annoying, right?!". I'm so paranoid with everyone. Like, if a girl says she likes me I'm like "it's not true. She's lying to you. Control your feelings" and always fear I'll be hurt. It's awful and I get you.

I went to a therapist and I was too afraid to talk to her about that and come out as a drama queen. But I think that we can't get rid of these thoughts, maybe if we just know that it's on our mind that and people don't actually think those things. But I get you that this is pretty hard.

Have you ever asked to anyone those things? If you are annoying them or anything like that?

 

I feel the same way and I've noticed that it's more common than I had originally thought growing up. I used to feel like the white sheep everywhere I'd go. And while people may or may not be talking about you, if you care about what people think of you, this problem will never go away. I think confidence has a lot to do with it because I'm not the most confident person. But I've noticed that when I feel good about myself, I usually do not have this issue. My friend gave me the best advice, "Fake it until you make it!" And it's been proven very successful.

 

Same here. Like 100% the same.
I have Aspergers, so maybe that's what it is?

 

well, some of it could be that you're closeted and it's caused you paranoia to activate because of it. lt can be hard to regulate, personally if l feel one emotion really strongly l have a hard time only applying it to certain scenarios.

lf not, l'd try to work on it. Or work on it either way.

l can't have friendships like that, if a person accused me of talking behind their back and l thought we had a really transparent friendship, l just wouldn't know what to say.

l realize it's because they're insecure but if people feel like l don't like them when l do and try to make it known, l either feel rejected or like the person just doesn't know me very well and then l don't want to carry on the friendship.

l only have interest in maintaning friendships where the connection is real and mutual.

l've had a few very brief friendships with types who thought l was implying something l wasn't, l can't argue with someone about things like that and l can't be held responsible for their fears and be questioned like l've actually done something wrong @_@

 

I'm the complete same dw, I never believe that anyone actually really likes me and at work I'm always on edge because I'm SURE my colleagues are talking about me when I see them whispering. I think it all comes down to a low self-esteem, which I have suffered from since early childhood. In your head you can't understand how anyone can see past all the bad qualities that you see in yourself. I know it's bad to have to deal with it, especially when sometimes as single casual comment or joke can send you spiralling, but one benefit I've found is that, as you are generally watching how you act a bit more than most people, in all honestly most of the people you encounter probably actually like you more than you might believe.

 

Hey Monty93. I have the same exact problem, and it's resulting consequences as you do. I'm currently in therapy trying to work on it, and since it's also interfering with your ability to maintain relationships with other people I would recommend the same to you as well.

I understand your reluctance to take drugs. I'm the same way. I've been seeing my therapist for over a year, and he's never once suggested that I take a single pill. I've taken them in the past though, they didn't really help me a lot, at least that I could remember. Keep in mind that different types of therapists practice differently, the guy I'm going to practices Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

Also, you'd likely be seeing someone who is a social worker and not a psychologist. Social workers can't prescribe medications, at least to my knowledge. They'd need either your family doctor or a psychologist to write the prescription.

Additionally, keep in mind that you're in control of your own health. You're paying them, and they work for you. If you're upfront and state that you're not interested in taking any medication, and they don't respect that - then you have the right to fire them and seek help elsewhere. This is much easier if you live in a city. You can even find mental health professionals who specialize in LGBT issues.

So, I encourage you not to close it off as a potential option for you out of concerns over medication. It's not like they're going to hold you down and try and force pills down your throat, and if they do - then good news - find a lawyer, and you'll be rich because you have a lawsuit on your hands. :icon_razz

Anyway, back to the problem at hand. I understand what you're going through. The absolute worst part of it, is that when we know it's irrational, but can't seem to stop anyway. It feels like you should just be able to flip a switch and turn it off, but you can't and of course it sucks to feel yourself getting worked up and anxious even when you know you're being completely nuts.

The good news (well to a degree at least), is that the underlying process is normal. It's just that our brains have taken the normal process that most people experience and then turn it up to eleven.

So, why does it happen? Well, to my understanding it's a way to try and keep ourselves safe, and it's rooted in anxiety. We're essentially emotionally preparing ourselves for a future event. After all, if our fears were really true then we'd be prepared for their inevitable consequences.

Like you, I frequently don't even realize I'm doing it until after the fact. Of course, by then I've already experienced the anxiety and other negative emotions.

The best description I've read on this is in a book called Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, by Kristin Neff Ph. D., a researcher and Associate Professor in Human Development at the University of Texas at Austin. In Part 3: The Benefits of Self-Compassion, Chapter 6: Emotional Resilience, on page 111 (in my Kindle at least) she writes:

"Once our minds latch on to negative thoughts, they tend to repeat over and over again like a broken record. This process is called "rumination" and involves a recurrent, intrusive, and uncontrollable style of thinking that can cause both depression and anxiety. Rumination about negative events in the past leads to depression, while rumination about potentially negative events in the future leads to anxiety. This is why depression and anxiety so often go hand in hand; they both stem from the underlying tendency to ruminate."

I've yet to encounter anyone else who described so clearly what exactly happens. An Ah-ha moment for me was the understanding that these two things were linked. Understanding things in this way was just helpful for some reason; it was like I could finally put a box around what was happening, and since I understood it I felt that I had a bit more control over it. I still have the problem, but understanding it helps reduce some of the self-abuse I heaped on myself for having it. That in turn reduces some of the anxiety I experience.

So, what does she recommend doing about it? Two things, really. The first is to exercise self-compassion. If you're like me, your first reaction is to beat yourself up. It's to say something like this (via internal dialog): "Ugh. Stop being an idiot. Are you stupid? That's ridiculous. You KNOW that isn't going to happen, so knock it off. Maybe I deserve to be treated that way for being such an idiot."

That is the complete opposite of self-compassion. Imagine a friend came to you and said they had the same problem. Unless you're an insanely callous asshole, you'd never say something like that to them. You wouldn't say that to them, because you know it'd make them feel like shit. Well, when we say stuff like this to ourselves we're making ourselves feel like shit.

So, self-compassion is basically trying to change your inner dialog away from abusive asshole, to best friend who loves you. So, instead of trying to invalidate what we're feeling with abusive self-talk, we'd say something like: "It's okay to feel this way. Everybody feels this way sometimes, and it's normal to worry about what people might say behind your back. But you know it's not true, and that he is a good friend. You don't deserve to put yourself through this, what can you do that is more productive at this moment than worry about something like this?"

The key to making this work is the second part, that's mindfulness. It's something that takes a lot of practice - it's catching yourself when you enter into one of those episodes. When you catch yourself, you can immediately engage in self-compassion and put an end to it.

Of course, you'll slip a lot at first. Just don't be like me. When you realize that you've forgotten to be mindful, you abuse yourself for forgetting to be mindful, then you realize that you've abused yourself for forgetting to be mindful, so you abuse yourself for abusing yourself. :eusa_doh: It's totally counter productive. :icon_razz (Yeah, I scored horrifically low on the self-compassion test.)

I'll end with this from the same book mentioned above. It's important to keep this in mind as we engage in self-compassion:

"Self-compassion helps lessen the hold of negative emotions, but it's important to remember that self-compassion does not push negative emotions away in an averse manner either. This point is often confusing, because conventional wisdom tells us that we should accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. The problem, however, is that if you try to eliminate the negative, it's going to backfire. Mental or emotional resistance to pain merely exacerbates suffering (remember, Suffering = Pain x Resistance). Our subconscious registers any attempt at avoidance or suppression, so that what we're trying to avoid ends up being amplified.

Psychologists have conducted a great deal of research on our ability to consciously suppress unwanted thoughts and emotions. Their findings are clear: we have no such ability. Paradoxically, any attempt to consciously suppress unwanted thoughts and emotions appears to only make them stronger.

....

...people with higher levels of self-compassion are significantly less likely to suppress unwanted thoughts and emotions than those who lack self-compassion. They're more willing to experience their difficult feelings and to acknowledge that their emotions are valid and important. This is because of the safety provided by self-compassion. It's not as scary to confront emotional pain when you know that you will be supported throughout the process. Just as it feels easier to open up to a close friend whom you can rely on to be caring and understanding, it's easier to open up to yourself when you can trust that your pain will be held in compassionate awareness."

 

That's good that you don't accuse people of anything.

l'm not sure what to say. l either like people or l don't, l guess. And l'm probably naive but l'm never suspicious of people l like, l haven't been screwed over yet.

Maybe stop associating with the ones you aren't crazy about, some people have a lot of friends that they don't even really connect with and have every right to be suspicious of. l never wanted any of these friends lol. you can't change family.