Hi, I am 18 and i haven't ever really questioned my sexuality until now.However i recently had an experience with a guy due to some awkward circumstances, and i really liked it and i am ashamed of how much i actually liked. I mean after this experience happened i haven't even been thinking about girls the same way again... I never had problems with people that where but now that i think i could be bi or gay. I feel really bad about it like i cant even think straight now. I am so worried and confused I never felt this lost in my life and its really making feel depressed because i don't know which way to turn. The thing is i grew up in a real christian family and i was taught that this was wrong and horrible. I don't consider my self religious but it still affects me somewhat. Also My family has shunned people out of the family for being gay or lesbian. And i still live at home with my parents due to me just being 18 and in my last year of high school. And i really don't know what to do. I'm just really have trouble accepting this. Also i have no one i can turn to because my community is not accepting of this at all. Is there anything i can do to figure this out because it really is freaking me out.
First and foremost, think long and hard about this. What I did was stop being emotional about for 20 minutes and thought, "Gosh, do I like Girl A or Guy B?" And I realized that I liked Guy B. If you don't know for sure after that and still feel depressed, you can call the GLBT National Help Center, and they are probably great at this sort of thing. Their # is 1-888-843-4564. If all else fails, sing "Don't Stop Believing" really soulfully.
Hi Matt, Welcome to EC First off, I'd suggest taking a moment to take a deep calming breath. Maybe more than one. Try to relax a bit. Fill your mind with a thought or a picture that you find restful. Maybe waves on the beach. Maybe a quiet night filled with falling snow. Maybe even a big tropical fish tank. Whatever works best for you. Ok, now a couple of important points: a) You have nothing to feel bad about b) You have nothing to feel ashamed of I realize that it may not feel that way right now, but I think you need to hear it from someone just the same. You've actually come to the right place to help you with both finding a community to accept you and helping you figure this out. The folks at EC are a great bunch of people who are here to talk, to listen, and to provide ideas and support to each other (and now to you) about all kinds of things including coming to terms with and acceptance of yourself, possible options when dealing with family, and lots of other stuff. You are not alone. Todd
I understand having a Christian family can be a little daunting! My fathers side are christians and homophobes. EC is a great place to suss over possibilities. Also, have you ever had any affairs like that mentioned with other guys or girls that felt a little odd?
Welcome and glad you found this site! I can relate to how it was always okay for others to be gay but when the idea hit me that I probably was...I realized I had internalized some serious homophobia. That is normal I have found. From day one we are told we are supposed to be hetero. Now I would never get married, have kids, have the white picket fence, etc but the more acceptance I found from people locally and on this site I realized I could still have all those things if I wanted and still be true to myself. And as for parents it sucks I live at home now too and until I am financially independent I am not going to come out...working hard toward it but accepting myself has been fulfilling on its own! As for religion, I am spiritual and not religious but there is this Matthew Vine video on YouTube where he explains passionately yet logically how being gay is not the abomination people has twisted the bible into supposedly saying. Just watching it for my own sake I felt so much better even though I don't consider myself a Christian. I searched posts on "denial" and "questioning" and that helped hen I got on here as well as befriending people I related to and having conversations on their walls (we can't private message until we have been on here awhile and posting).
First off, I think you are in the right place. An online community like this can offer so much support and advice, and is particularly valuable when your own community cannot offer that. Stay connected to this and it will see you through any hurdles you encounter. I was raised Catholic, and I've come to feel that a religion such as that (in my opinion) is essentially based on brainwashing. Whenever you deal with someone who has been raised in that environment, you are dealing with beliefs that are so deeply engrained that people may know no other way, and like you feel something can be so very wrong deep in their core, even though there is another part of them that knows it isn't . So in the same way you are having difficulty shedding these negative feelings about your experiences, the same may be happening in your family. They don't know any other way. Sometimes it is necessary to take people as they are, and not expect them to change their views just because you have surpassed that understanding. Share with them as much of you as will be accepted, but ask the universe to help you bring understanding to their hearts so you can be yourself as much as possible. Get comfortable with yourself for the time being and find a support group you can count on, deal with other peoples feelings when you are strong enough to handle your own with grace.
Welcome to EC (*hug*) Shame is something that is taught, it`s not natural in us. Sometimes we have to "unteach" it, in order to follow what is natural for us. What the two of you did hurts nobody! No part of it was harmful, nor something to be ashamed about. Think about it this way, who you are is unique, what you have to offer the world, is unique. You are not your sexuality. It does not change who you are, or your personality. Being a good person means caring about other people, and trying to do right by them as much as yourself. Because if you do not do right by yourself, then you`ll be unhappy, and unhappy people spread unhappiness. Happy people spread joy and warmth, which is what the world need. "Gay" sex is not going to change the world in any other way than if we are all allowed to love and be with the gender we wish to be with, the world will have more happy and content people. There`s nothing wrong with that. I am glad to hear that you had a positive experience, but I am sorry that you feel ashamed about it. Shame and sex doesn`t belong together, unless the sex is harmful to someone, or without consent. In the case where two people get together, both wanting to get together, both enjoying being together, then there should be no shame connected to it. Sex is natural for all living beings, desire is natural. Our bodies are designed for it. Having sex actually positively affect our health. Orgasms lessen pains, head-aches, etc. It`s good for our blood-pressure, and so on. It is so natural and healthy, that it`s odd that people still buy the "sex is sin, unless this or that" stuff. You are probably bisexual, at least. But that doesn`t change who you are, it doesn`t mark you in any way, it just means that you have more choices as far as partners goes. And if you find out that you really do prefer guys, and not women, then the world will still be spinning in the same speed as before. There won`t be a tornado with your name on it, and nothing bad will happen because of it. You might have to work a little to accept that part of you, but when you do, you can be happy with it. You can find a great guy to have great sex with, and be with, and give to, and possibly love. Love actually often makes us better people, and that`s the point, isn`t it? Being good people? I am sorry to hear that your family might have trouble accepting it. Unfortunately it does happen, that young people get shunned by their family for orientation, gender issues, and other things. But you don`t have to come out to them while still living under their roof. Hell, you don`t have to come out to them anytime soon, as you are still questioning. Until you feel you`ve figured it out, you can just breathe, and work on accepting yourself. They don`t have a right to know. Then, when you are older, you might want to try and help them understand, so that you can be honest and open with them. But that`s in the future. For now, I`d try to just breathe, if I were you. Try not to stress with it, and don`t judge yourself, work through those feelings of shame, because you have nothing to feel ashamed about, any more than I have something to feel ashamed about because I am with a girl, instead of a guy. We are okay, the both of us, our sexuality says nothing about what kind of people we are. It does not deem us immoral. Our actions towards others, how we treat other people and what we do to make other people feel better or worse, that`s what determines how moral or good we are, who we choose to be with does not... (*hug*) You are not alone here.
Matt, This is a GREAT discovery!!!! Would you prefer it happened after you were married and two kids crawling around your legs? Nothing wrong with being gay and nothing right about being straight, it is simply a natural difference. Explore, learn; that is what life is all about. Stuck
Thanks for all these positive comments it really has given me so much more think about. Im still not entirely sure yet but reading these comments have really gotten me to calm down a little.So i may be able to think more clearly
Very good to hear If and as you have questions or concerns or would just like to talk, there are lots of people here happy to do so. Also various resources that you can refer to. Hang in there and take care, Todd
That`s great (*hug*) Just take your time, you have a lot of it to figure things out. In the meantime, feel free to join in on any conversation going on in here, whether it is relevant to your questioning or not. We can learn so much from a mixed group like this, and there`s some pretty funny people around, we have a lot of fun (*hug*)
