I'm feeling really hopeless and depressed these days... Actually I've been suffering from depression for a whole year. No interest in life anymore, and sometimes I feel really suicidal and want to cut myself. (I'm just saying something about my mood, and I'll try my best not to do it) :S Being awake is so bad :bang: I don't feel like doing anything... I lost most of my interests. So my life is bored... It's just bored :/ No one around me knows that feeling. They never take it seriously and just say things like 'You look totally normal and nothing is wrong with you' or 'Look at the positive things in life' And some of them consider me just lazy not to go to school. I've tried expressing my feelings but none of them understand. I've tried various ways thinking about positive things in life, but none of them really worked. Does it mean there's a chemical imbalance in my brain and I need to take some medical therapies? I'm planning to counsel a doctor for that. Thank you for listening to me Nowhere can be better than EC I think... :dry: ---------- Post added 24th Feb 2013 at 06:49 PM ---------- Well I don't know how to deal with this hopeless situation... I'm always driven to suicide thoughts by the negative mood... Only thinking about suicide or cutting myself can bring me relief... I'm trying my best to get rid of those thoughts... I don't want to make you worried for me. But for now, just keep wandering on EC
Totally get you! I've been feeling the same way lately. And, my friends generally have that same reaction. They don't think that I'm upset because I'm always smiling and laughing, but that really doesn't mean anything. That's probably the worst thing when you have genuine emotions, but nobody wants to take them seriously. I get you though. It's not always that easy to look at the better things when everything seems bad. The only thing to really do is to just push those kind of thoughts aside, all the negativity has to get pushed aside, and you have to keep on going. It's not an easy thing, easier said than done, but it's definitely possible.
Hi, What is the basis of your numbness? Is it because you are closeted, is it because you are lonely? To help you we need to know what all your sadness flows from. I would suggest you get out of the closet. Scary as hell, right? Coming out will not be as bad as you think. Ask most anyone here. Most of us made a mountain out of a mole hill over sexuality. The people who love you will love you regardless of your sexuality. Think about it... The people who love you, if they had a choice if you; a) were gay, b) you commit suicide what would they pick? Easy choice right? People who love you won't think about that choice at all, they will pick the gay you. Same question... People who love you. If they had a choice if you; a) were gay, b) you are miserably depressed endlessly, what would they pick? Easy choice right? The first few days coming out may (may) be intense. But ask people who love you the above questions to put both your emotions and theirs into perspective. I suspect when you bust out of the closet of your despair your life will change. Stuck
Those feelings should be taken seriously and mainly as a sign you need to make some changes / take some action. Can you discuss your feelings with - a counsellor at school ? - Any gay friends - Straight friends you can trust - Family you can trust ... or continue discussing/asking on EC, you deserve to find a way forward ... and away from those horrible feelings
Thanks for your replies! It's very kind of you all. My mind was messed up these days :S Oh there's one thing more, I'm from China (And I'll put that to my profile). I dared not tell you about that before, simply because I was afraid that you will look at me 'wearing colored glasses', please do not follow the stereotype :| And pardon me for my not-good English Well the reason must be complicated, but I think it's mainly because I'm lonely... I'm very shy and inferior indeed. Due to this I am not willing to stay and talk with others. As for the 'closet' issue, I absolutely agree with Stuck. However, most people around me is very conservative and traditional. I know they will definitely choose 'the gay me', but there will be a huge trouble and mess. Most people here cannot accept that. Well what my consideration is, I don't feel too much bad on the issue 'I'm gay', and I'd better not do that. Really grateful to receive your helps! Feeling much better chatting with you guys Chris ---------- Post added 24th Feb 2013 at 10:42 PM ---------- Oh the difference of time zone is interesting I'm going to bed in an hour and you guys are getting up or enjoying sunshine? (Am I right? ) And I think it's challenging enough for me to mark my location, it's like a 'closet' too. Haha I'm really inferior, isn't it? Hope you enjoy your happy Sunday!
Hi to Chris in China!! (*hug*) I expect you are in a difficult position. Especially with a conservative culture. You are quite young so there is time to explore your thoughts and ideas. This forum can be one of the ways you can get support and help. It would be good if you could have support network of REAL people where you live too. Even one person - you can really trust and share with - would make you feel much better. Also please use EC too. There are beautiful people here and all happy to talk to you.. Best wishes
Chris, There are no stereotypes on EC, we take you as you are. You are simply a young, gay man who wants to learn how to get by in society. China is no different than any other place we all face the same battles. Do you plan to go to university in another country? That would offer you a safe haven to explore your sexuality if you choose a university in a gay friendly area. Coming out of the closet is hard for most people. Nothing wrong with Asian men either to to gay community so you have no worries there. Very little discrimination of any kind amongst gays. We know what it feels like and don 't do it. You must have some options? Stuck ---------- Post added 24th Feb 2013 at 10:45 AM ---------- Chris, I want to correct your English. This is not negative just a correction. You may be shy, you may be lonely, you may feel trapped by society but you are NOT inferior. Inferior indicates you are bad, broken, damaged, or below standard. You are none of those things. You are gay, that is simply a difference you were born with. You cannot help that you are smarter, better looking, and gaydr than other guys in your area. They will just have to be jealous of you. You are superior not inferior. Get "inferior" out of your head. Stuck
Maybe I'm kinda sensitive sometimes ... Aha Well I'll try to get back to my life, and really thank you all for caring for me! BTW I'll try getting out for some exercise, it may help -- advice seen from another thread
Hi Chris in China.. I sympathise with you and can understand why you want to be careful with 'coming out' after my holiday In China, getting to know the country a little bit. But as others have said , you can always get support here on EC; And in terms of time zone,well I am in the UK, so that's yet another opportunity for you to talk when others in the US are goind to bed...