Hi there. My now ex boyfriend came out as bi about a week ago. We were both a bit drunk and I said how I supported his sexuality and how I felt it didn't change anything. We then had a bit of a completely unrelated argument and left being fairly upset. I try talking to him and for the next week, he hardly says anything at all. But, a few days ago, he broke up with me. He said that he felt as though the gay side of him is kinda like a third wheel. he said its like you are in a group of friends and two of the people are talking, but you are at the side, wanting to go some place else.. so half of his brain feels it is wrong to be making out with me and things like that. Has anyone else felt like this before, but still been definitely bi? Does it mean he just can't be in a relationship, with anyone? Thanks
I guess it could be that he wants to explore his gay side and thinks he might end up hurting you if he stayed with you and curiosity got the better of him. Alternatively, he may have realised he is gay but couldn't stand the thought of telling you that. Or most likely he doesn't know and wants to find out. If it turns out he is gay, it doesn't mean he was deceiving you... the realisation hit me out of nowhere. I'd barely noticed girls before, I just thought I didn't have many sexual feelings (honestly!). But it was only after I let myself have feelings for girls that I realised the truth. Either way, I'm sorry to hear that you were caught up in this. It's best if you keep a distance from him relationship-wise right now if he doesn't know how he feels.
He said he still wants to be friends and meet up like we always did :L. I just find it a bit strange cause he said before that he was attracted to me and then, 3 months down the line, he says how it feels wrong for him
Many gay guys coming out have difficulties reconciling their formerly "straight" lives/relationships, and so they use the "bisexual" label as a bridge to accepting themselves as gay. So it's possible that's what's going on... that he's really gay but either not completely ready to own that label, or not ready to tell you... or not even sure. Or he could be bi and just wanting to "try out " his gay side. Either way, he needs time and space, and you won't win him back by trying to twist his arm into something he clearly isn't in a space to do at the moment.
He most likely either was attracted to you or thought he was. Even if he is bi, it might be too much right now for him to commit to someone and effectively kill his gay side without even exploring it. It would affect your relationship. In terms of a friendship, I'd only consider that if it isn't going to hurt you. If that's all he wants, it's unlikely going to be a stepping stone to getting back together.
I agree with Chip, that he's probably gay and just isn't ready to come out. It's going to be hard being friends at the moment, so time apart is a good idea. Then again, he could be bisexual and wants to start dating a guy. However, if he feels that being with you has been wrong then he sounds gay to me. I'm sorry for everything, I know it's not an easy thing to accept (*hug*)
Well.... I know you'd like to be there for him right now, but he is at least making the effort to spare your feelings. I feel like he's being pretty selfish right now if he really feels like he's bi sexual. He should be able to embrace you even more now that you know and have accepted the other side of him. Somewhere along the way some bi guys thought liking both genders would give them an excuse to lack monogamy in a relationship. I'm not saying this is totally his deal, but there's not a whole lot you can do if he'd rather be separate from you. Maybe it won't return to the way it was between you, but just keep the avenue for communication open with him if you can do it without having feelings for him again. I know you feel like you can help and want to be with him in this moment, but the best thing to do would be to check on him periodically and see if he makes strides to be back with you. It's a good thing he let you know, drunk or not. He could be feeling like he lost some of his masculinity be divulging that kind of information to a girl he has feelings for. Just give him some time and if it's meant to be, he'll come back to you.
I mean he said that he might possibly come back to me, regretting it and all that. He said that he will give it 3 weeks, then will re review it. But it's entirely possible he said that so I felt better. He wanted to meet up yesturday and said he would text me to arrange to meet up with me. But he didn't. The last time he didn't text for a while it was cause he was thinking about how to break up with me and didn't want to say it over text. So he says he still wants to be friends. But he's just not showing it very well at the moment.
He has shame and acceptance issues that he needs to work through. I'm very sorry that he broke up with you; it wasn't your fault, and I think that you supported him correctly. He just has some dysfunction he has to work through on his own. But I don't think he should date anyone at this time until he figures it out.
