So in December I had the revelation that I think I might be gay. I've come to the conclusion that I am okay with probably being gay, but I'm having a really hard time accepting the fact that the people in my life my might feel otherwise, particularly my friends. So I'm just going to run through some of the things in my head, and see if anyone's got any ideas/advice. My first problem is coming out, like seemingly everyone on EC. I guess my problem is that I don't open up much to my friends or family, and I never get emotional in front of other people. In terms of my friends, or the ones I care about, two of them are very homophobic. I think the other guys (5 or 6 of them) will be okay, but I'm not sure how the other two will take it. I'm afraid of rejection. My family won't really care though, although I think it will disappoint my mom a bit. No one is particularly religious anymore, and I'm not going to get kicked out or anything, so I'm not too worried about it. I have a gay cousin with a boyfriend and nobody cares, so that makes it easier. Also, both of my brothers think I'm gay anyway and won't care at all. They already told me if I am that they'd be cool. I'm also afraid I won't fit in with the LGBT crowd. My college has a queer union, and I'm hoping by September that I'll be comfortable enough to check it out. Although I don't agree that all stereotypes are true, I feel like I'm so much different from the gay people I see around campus. They seem to embrace certain stereotypes, although I guess I won't really know until I check it out. As for me, I'm messy, scruffy and when my friends and I hang out we play sports for hours. Yesterday I played 2-3 hours as a goalie in a street hockey game, and am really sore and bruised today. Friday night was a real long and intense basketball game. I play fantasy football, and never miss my favorite teams play on TV. I just feel like because of who I hang out with and the things I do in my free time might alienate me from meeting gay people. I hate to make generalizations, but honestly I feel like the things I'm interested in won't make it easy. This is how I see it anyway, based off of the gay people I know and have met, especially at college. Also, I constantly wonder if I am actually gay. At the beginning of this post I said I was "okay with probably being gay" but now as I write this just a few minutes later I immediately feel weird about this whole post. Its just annoying how I keep going back and forth from "I think I'm gay, and I'm fine with it" to just feeling so weird and kind of stupid about the whole thing. On a lighter note, yesterday my older brother came into my room and threw the 2013 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition on my bed. He said to me, "I'm heading out. Although I think your gay, here you go. Maybe you'll enjoy it." Just thought that was funny, but maybe you had to be there. Anyway, these are the things that I typically worry about, and it sounds probably very similar to so many other stories. Would appreciate any advice, and thanks in advance.
Lol your brothers sound awesome haha. Thanks for posting here! The first thing that comes to my mind is that I still don't know a whole lot about your feelings! What makes you feel like you're gay? How do you view women? What are your sexual fantasies like? Things of that nature. On the other hand, you sound fun haha. There IS a such thing as a masculine gay guy. You're actually sought after by a lot of gay men. I know I am haha. You just have to get through the acceptance phase and then onto speaking with the people you KNOW will have your back. Like your brothers or your parents. It'll build some courage when you begin to tell others. You'll feel that sense of a support system. Looking to find out more about you! Feel free to message me if you have questions or whatever.
You are lucky as hell to have brothers cool with it. I myself was fortunate enought to have male cousins who dont mind. Honestly, your lucky period. I have two older sisters who don't get it, :roflmao: , go figure right?! Anyways my point was this: Dnt be so quick to stamp "Gay", not that there's anything wrong with that but you could be Bi. For Example: I have a very(x30) strong attraction to men but I see all different types of women and think "You know what, she can definitely get the beef if she desires it." ( :roflmao: ) And if thats not it maybe your issue is also another issue I had once upon a time. Maybe its the idea of seeing so many things that identify as Gay being so "Out there", "Rebellious" and "Non-Conforming" (not that there is anything wrong with the previously mentioned), You feel as if it doesn't add up since you see no representation of you in the mix. And I will recommend this: Just be you. Being gay does not mean you have to be a "Revolutionary." It's all good if you be you. Now being an a**hole(Example: "Those limp-wristed f**ks are an abomination.") is another story. Just do you. Show the people around you that you are still you, you just like dicks instead of chicksicon_wink) and there's a strong chance it will pan out in your favor. If you need help with anything else, dnt be afraid to hmu. I'm here to help :smilewave P.S: For those nights when you get lonely and feel like your the only "your kind of gay" in the world. Just hug your blankets and tell yourself "I'm a Unicorn" in a world full of broke-down ponys. It did wonders for my confidence haha.
I appreciate the replies, it helps a lot just hearing someone assure me that it'll be okay. And I realize I'm in a great position with my family even if I'm uncomfortable talking about it. I know I have it great compared to some of the other stories I've read on here. I think you're right too when you say that I don't see myself like the gay people I see where I am. Maybe in my head I have a notion that there is a formula, and you have to be a certain way. I hate stereotypes, like probably everybody on EC, yet all I see are stereotypes. Also, I'm not sure if I'd ever thought I'd say to myself "I'm a unicorn", but I guess I'll try it lol. Not something I would've thought of myself, but if it worked for you then I'll try it. Thanks again!
I read this and didn't realize it til now that it was you who answered my thread. When I think about it my situation is kinda like yours. I do sports and am kinda masculine and I don't feel like I would fit in to the LGBT community. There are no people at my school that I know are out. There is one guy that is kinda feminine and I am pretty sure he is gay, and I couldn't ever see myself with him or anyone like him. So I get exactly what you are saying. There is a gay pride in Stockholm in Sweden every summer, and I just couldn't see myself going there even after I have come out... I just don't feel like I would fit in at all. And I get that you are struggling with your sexuality. I was for a while, and even though it was obvious for myself that I was gay I still told myself I would live a normal straight life and that I was not gay. But I have gotten over that by now and I accept myself now. The next step for me will be to let others know and having others accept me. Your brothers seem really nice. I wish I had brothers that would actually say things like that to let me know that it is okay. All I get to hear from my brothers is how disgusting they think gay people are.... I hate hearing that, because it makes me feel like a failure. So don't worry about them. You are lucky to have such a nice family, I guess I am too in a way since my parents are not religious or against homosexuality in any way. You really shouldn't worry too much. If you think it would help talk to one of your brothers about it in private, since they seem to already know and are fine about it. I myself feel like at least one of my brothers is one of the closest persons to me in my life, and I am pretty sure you feel that same way about your brothers. Another tip is to let time go by. You will eventually feel better about yourself. You don't have to come out at once, let it breathe for a while til you are comfortable with yourself. Good luck.
i'd say to check out your union. you never know, there might be other kids like you. in my LGBT group, we have people that fit stereotypes but many more that don't. who knows? maybe you'll find someone that will help you find yourself. at least make a couple friends. if not, there's always EC.
So, regarding your loving sports and such. There are actually quite a number of LGBT folks who like sports, both to watch and to play. And there are a number of resources for them. There's the National Gay Flag Football League: National Gay Flag Football League| Get in the game Which includes links to various local leagues in a bunch of US cities. There's the International Gay Rugby Association: International Gay Rugby Association and Board - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Which includes links to various leagues around the planet. There's the North American Gay Amateur Athletic Alliance: North American Gay Amateur Athletic Allliance Which seems to be mainly focused on softball but possibly other sports as well. Again the website includes a list of cities and teams around the country Soccer (Football): The International Gay and Lesbian Football Association: IGLFA Ice Hockey: GHI - Gay Hockey International: Gay ice hockey Welcome to Gay Hockey International The National Gay Basketball Association: Home And finally there is the Outsports website which is sort of like Sports Illustrated but for the LGBT community: Gay sports fans and athletes, your place for discussion, stories, and photos - Outsports.com. These are all the result of maybe 10 minutes of googling and almost certainly only represent a fraction of the options available. Not to mention of course that there's no reason that being gay precludes you from continuing to play whatever sport/with whatever group you currently enjoy if your teammates are cool with it. Or spending the weekend yelling, screaming, and cursing at the TV during <insert major sporting event here> with your sports loving friends of whatever orientation Please note, I am in no way affiliated with any of the above organizations and am not seeking to promote them specifically, just looking to point out that you needn't change who you are just because of who you are attracted to That all said, there's also no reason that you can't enjoy a diversity of interests, some of which may be more 'traditional' or 'stereotypical' and some of which may be very much not. At the end of the day you should do what makes you happy and comfortable. Hope this helps, Todd
