Hi everyone. So, this is the thing. I am gay. And I have known for a long time just haven't come to terms with it since around a year ago or so. I like myself, but I have been very depressed lately and missed out a lot on school, and I just feel like this depression could affect my whole future, because my grades are kinda dependent on me being able to focus on schoolwork. So, I have decided that I have to tell someone to lift some weight of my shoulders, only problem is I just don't feel like I want to tell anyone I know. I just don't think any of my "friends" know me well enough, sort of. I just haven't got any really good friends. I mean, I hang out with some people but I just don't feel like anyone is close enough to me. However, there is one girl, who herself has had problems with eating disorders and lost like A LOT of weight the last year (I think she has been depressed, since most of her girlfriends have also told me so and I have noticed myself that she doesn't smile very often, much like me). Anyways, I just have a good feeling about this girl. I don't know if I could tell her though, because I am afraid she will gossip about it to her other friends. I know she isn't the best at keeping secrets and she tells me a lot of personal things about other people. But I guess she does this because she knows I won't tell people. I think she trusts me, and she seems comfortable around me. I just don't know if I feel the same way about her. Then the second option that I have been thinking about is coming out to my brother. I am the youngest of three brothers and me and the middle brother have always been best friends since I was like a baby. I really would like to tell him first because I am pretty sure he would still love me if I came out to him. Only thing is I am afraid he might not, since he has had pretty extreme opinions on like immigration and gay people and stuff like that. He has told me how he thinks gay people are disgusting, but he still has nothing against watching gay people on tv (other than how he things it's a shame that they are gay and that it is dishusting). I mean, he watches shows like QI with Stephen Fry, and The Big Bang Theory with Sheldon (don't know his real name), and How I Met Your Mother with Barney whats his name IRL. You get the point. But can I be sure that he still loves me even after I tell him? I really couldn't stand losing our friendship. One option of course is to come out to my parents. I am pretty sure my mom already knows about me because well... she is my mom. And I know she is accepting since her sister is lesbian. My father is very accepting. I have overheard him several times about people he meet at his working place that he has had no clue was gay until they told him, and he hasn't had any problem with that. Oh, and our family is not religious in any way, in fact we frown upon religion sort of, so I mean that won't be a problem, nothing biblical standing in my way. There's also this other girl at our school that is studying to become a "social something good with people and volunteering in Africa, and stuff like that" (don't know the word in English). Anyways, she keeps dropping me hints, and I am pretty sure she knows. I just don't think I know her well enough and we aren't exactly good friends. We are pretty different, but we enjoy discussing things and yeah, we are kinda opposites of each other in opinion. I feel like she would be good to tell, but I don't know how or when or whatever. I just don't feel like I will ever get a chance to tell her. The one i hang out with the most is a guy actually. I am pretty sure he isn't gay. We share the same interests and we are pretty good friends. I just haven't ever really opened up to him. I don't tell him personal stuff, and he doesn't tell me his personal stuff. Even though we are best friends kind of . Maybe guys don't talk that much about personal stuff in general, when I think about it I don't think I have ever really talked about personal stuff with guys nor girls before I moved from home. I had a really good friend, best friends since first grade(I don't consider him my friend any more since he kinda started ignoring me more and more in ninth grade and now we barely ever talk, that bastard) but anyways, I can't recall we ever talked about personal things. I feel like my friends of the opposite sex tell me more personal stuff tbh. I should probably mention I am 17 almost 18 and I live alone and have for about 1.5 years. I have a far way home and I only go home on summer and winter vacation and for a weekend every now and then, so telling my parents or brother in person would probably be hard. I guess it could work over skype or something. I don't know. I feel like I want to tell someone else first. If you have bothered reading this, please help me. I need some advice. Who should I talk to first? I though about just telling the next person I am alone with and see what happens, just like spill my guts and see how they react. I don't know, i'm confused and lonely :/
Hey man, we're in a pretty similar boat right now. Like you, I'm trying to feel out who I can talk to about this. At the end of the day you must do what you feel is right. If you want to come out but get nervous, then don't do it. Maybe it'll happen spur of the moment in a conversation. Maybe not. Anyway, based off of your post it doesn't seem like you fully trust anyone but your parents. You're unsure about how your brother will take it. You've been a little distant from your guy friend, and even say you don't consider him a friend. One of the girls you say you're not sure if you're close enough, and the other you're not sure if you trust. In the meantime, it seemed to me like your parents would take it pretty well. You said your dad is accepting and you think you're mom knows anyway. The only thing holding you back from telling them is that you don't live at home. Everyone else you have other things holding you back, mainly issues with trust. If I were in your shoes, I would tell my parents first, and then maybe tell the one girl who trusts you. However, I have no idea how things will go, and can only give you my judgement based off of the things you said. If you really want to tell someone else before your parents, it seems like you'll have to take a chance you can trust somebody else. At the end of the day, it is up to you. I'm basing everything on one post, and can't know nearly as much as you do. Only you can know. Coming from someone who is in your position, I can empathize and I wish you the best. Good luck.
I still feel like the hardest ones to tell would be my parents. I've played out the whole situation in my head, and it just feels so weird. I don't know though. I don't think my dad knows, my mother on the other hand as I said probably knows. I guess she knows since when I was in kindergarten I didn't really have any friends, and I was a bit more sensitive than other guys so I would cry more often. I did my best to hide my sensitivity when I got older and understood that crying was for babies, but at some points I just couldn't hold it in, and would start balling my eyes out. I have in a way always known that I was different and felt some kind of pressure on myself. The smallest failures for me would make me feel depressed, and I would often cry alone in my room. I remember many times how I would just became really really sad for no reason and went into my room and just cried for hours. I tried to hide under the bed so that no one would find me, but my mom would anyways. But I wouldn't really know what was bothering me, I just felt like such a failure and just wanted to be alone. When I think back at it it almost makes me cry. My mom was always there for me, which is why she is so important to me. I just couldn't come out to her, it would feel so so weird. Oh and the guy friend I am talking about is not the same as the one I am no longer friends with to say. I might have written a bit sloppy. I think just coming out spontaneously would feel the best when I think about it. I am just not sure who I can trust with it. I was actually out drinking with the first girl I mentioned. We went to a bar and got pretty drunk, and she actually told me a lot of really personal things.... When I think about it, she is one of the few I would actually want to come out too because I know she will accept me. And we could probably become close friends, since she obviously trusts me...
Hi again. That's my bad about your guy friends. I reread it and you phrased it fine. It seems you answered your own question about who to come out first at the end of your second post. You're sure she will accept you, and it could leader to a better friendship. To me it seems like you have nothing to lose with telling her, based off of what you said. You even say, "she is one of the few people I would actually want to tell". As for the parents, I too imagine telling them and it seems really awkward. At least you know that your mom has your back, even though you don't want to tell her. If she was always there for you, she'll be there for you now too. Really sorry to hear about the depression growing up. And I too feel like coming out spontaneously would be the easiest. Still working on it though.
I will find the right moment to tell her and see what happens. I can imagine her reaction. It will feel weird... But then again she probably already know since she never asks me about girls. She did once when we were drunk but I kinda avoided the question. It was really awkward for me as always when someone asks me about girls:icon_redf. She among most others probably already have a feeling about it. Thanks for the help and good luck to you too with your coming out.
A friend you can trust is usually a good choice, and you seem to have one. If you're going to come out to your parents at some point, your mother seem ideal to tell early (maybe not first, before a friend). It might be difficult and weird, but from what you say about your good relationship with her, you'll be telling her soon. You don't have to tell both parents - your mother might help you figure out how to tell your father. I told my father fairly early in the process (I don't remember, but I probably told a friend first) and he told me my mother already knew because she had read my mail. (He was great, btw.) It would have been more awkward if I had waited until my mother confronted me - she had already made me an appointment with a psychologist. My point is that waiting can sometimes make things worse instead of easier.
I really don't think my father will have any problem with it, and I kinda feel like telling him will be easier than telling my mother. My mom will be hard to talk to. It's a weird feeling. I will most probably tell a friend first though and let time pass for a while and get more comfortable before I tell my family. Damn.. Why do LGBT people have to come out? It's not like straight people have to. Thinking about coming out is really gnawing on my mind.
i came out in a really odd pattern. even though i've known my parents to be accepting, they were the last that i told. i started with my friends that i knew were gay. the year after, friends that i knew would be accepting. another year after that, my best friend. 6 months after that, my mom (who then told the rest of my family). after that, i just lived an open life and there were only 2 weeks of school left before i graduated so i didn't care who knew and who didn't anymore. i changed my "interested in" on facebook. it wasn't until november of my first year of college (when i started dating my girlfriend) that some of my high school friends even realized that i'm gay. they texted me or said, "i never knew!" when they saw me again. everyone has been very supportive which is great when i was coming from a small, fairly conservative town. i just surround myself with good people. do whatever feels best for you.
Since it seems like your parents will be accepting, I would recommend telling them before you tell the brother that you worry won't be. They can probably help you with that. Other than that, it seems like you'll be fine coming out in whatever order is the easiest and most comfortable for you. It's normal to be worried about telling your parents, even if there is no reason to be. If it makes sense, go ahead and tell some other people first, so that you will be more confident. Choose one person, and start there.
