Breaking point.

I'm sorry to hear that you have a bad day. We surely hope for a better tomorrow. Don't worry, as long as you have tried your best, it's okay. No use blaming yourself for that.

I have also bad days too. Things are certainly fu¢ked up for me - as I have all the Numerical Methods classes replaced on 8am every tuesday and it is damn annoying!! Also, that lecturer doesn't know how to convey all his information to his students. He spent ALL his time deriving equations instead of putting all these into work. Worse, his assignment for us is to do these stupid approximations using Matlab and due within 1 week - how the hell should the students use the Matlab when they don't even know where to start - and the lecturer is only giving 'em code fragments??? I feel like destroying my lecturer.

And a week ago, I submitted the ultimately shittiest Biochemistry lab report ever. But I did my best - the lecturer could give me a Zero for it if she could. Okay, never mind. I don't have excuses anyway.

 

Aww (*hug*) It sounds like you're having killer stress to the point where you're being overloaded. You sound like you're trying to give everything 100% but the amount of stuff you're being asked to do is just wearing you out. If it were at all possible for you to take a few days for R&R that could do wonders for you. Other than that, the academic year is almost over in a few months right? You're almost done with this tough year. We're all pulling for you (*hug*)

 

(&&&) I'm sorry you have to go through that but I think is pretty much natural. There are some periods in which it seems that whatever you do, no matter how good you are in it just doesn't seem enough.

Everyone gets those weeks I guess, and I should know about that. There are times in which I fear everyone knows leaps more than I do and that I'm falling behind. I only fall behind because that fear is so big and so consuming that it paralyzed me.
Truth is, it's mostly a moatter of perspective, or just a series of unfortunate events :icon_wink

Think back, haven't you succeeded before? Haven't you been the best at what you do always or at some times? Don't you put your best to it?

I think Derek's right, you're a little overloaded with so many responsibilites. That will hopefully pass, but don't ever let it think you're not good at what you do :icon_bigg

 

Heatqueen... (*hug*) I'm sorry. I feel pretty similarly at the moment, and I was crying today too.

I'm sorry about your competition, and I know how that hurts so much. When I do a duff play performance I feel like death. But try and remember that there'll be other competitions - there'll be other oppurtunities, right? It hasn't affected your place at Wells has it? So you've still got oppurtunities. When you're feeling so stressed and bad in general, it's not suprising that you can't play at your best. When I feel bad, my acting, let alone my piano playing, just goes down the drain. Your performance when you have so many other limiting factors is not representative of your full potential. You will have many more oppurtunities for success and this moment is NOT proof that you can never be good. It's proof that you're under too much strain.

As for there always being people who are better - 1. they don't have all the stress you have. 2. you're only 15, so there's bound to be someone. even if you were Mozart, you wouldn't be perfect at this stage 3. Unless you are Mozart, there's always someone better. At EVERY level. That's a fact of life we have to accept. What matters is that you fulfill yourself and be the best that you can be, not whether you're better than someone else. They don't matter.

Oh, and tell me who invented GCSEs, and I'll kill her for you. I am so worrying about them now. They feel like they're just inexorably approaching, don't they? (*hug*) When I feel bad about them, I try and remember that if I just make thorough revision notes and try my hardest, and go to bed early on the eve of the exams, I'll do my best, and that's all I can do. Then in a few months they'll be over. Then you can concentrate on sorting out your underlying stress and anxiety about various issues, and enjoying your music. If you just keep your chin up for a little while longer, you'll get a chance to rest and recuperate and things will start to look up. (&&&)

 

I'm so so so sorry about the week you've been having.

Everyone here has said great things, so I'll just say one more.

I love you!!!!!!! (*hug*)

 

(*hug*) (*hug*)

 

Well even if you have heard it enough from various people, there must be some truth to it. And I'm sorry you can't stop judging yourself harshly but you'll get through these tough times soon.

 

I'm really sorry that you're having such a hard time at the moment. Sometimes things can just get so overwhelming, and when you have more than one thing to deal with, it can be difficult to know what to deal with first. And when different things build up - work, GCSEs, sexuality - it's very easy to just break.

One thing I suggest is first of all, to cut your losses. I play the piano too, and I know how much work can go into perfecting a piece. The thing about music is that playing is a performance, which needs the correct confluence of everything to go as perfectly as you want. I can see why it's all so annoying and horrible, having practiced so hard, but leave all that alone for the moment and somehow cut your losses. Then write everything else down that's bothering you, and then set some time aside each day to think about these things - although one at a time. I've found that setting a time aside each day to think about one particular problem - eg in your case GCSEs or something - helps when I have several things on at once. Might not work for you, but it might.

(And by the way, I sympathise on the GCSE front. My memories of those are horrific)

But I hope you feel a bit more in control soon, and try not to conflate all of your problems into one big insurmountable mess. This is very easy to do, but try and think about things one at a time, at set intervals. But for now take a break - sounds like you really deserve one!!

 

I'm sorry to hear your having a hard time, if it's any help I'm in exactly the same situation, I completely messed up the sound system for a concert, I'm way behind on my DT coursework, I've got my GCSE's s this year as well and I'm slipping in Chemistry (I want to be a surgeon) so if it helps I'm willing to talk and stuff or just to listen.

I'm sure you were just stressed and nervous at the competition hopefully everything'll sort itself out and I completely agree with the “believe in yourself thing" It's not that necessary to be honest I'm sure your good just for getting to the competition so it was probably just stress, I hope you pull through because I know this is a stressful time of your life particularly if things go wrong, *hugs*(*hug*)

 

Not only are you critical of yourself, you seem to heap a lot of pressure on yourself to perform. A lot of kids that are 15 years old do not play musica instruments in competitions while at the same time working very hard at school and living thousands of miles away from home (becuase you do, don't you?).

And those that do likely don't have the added stress of knowing that they're gay...

 

Hey Heatqueen.
Yeah, Life gets like that sometimes. It all gets so overwhelming that its all you can do to actually let it all out and cry. Having a good cry can really help sometimes, because it helps get most of the negative feelings out of you.

I'm sorry to hear that your music exam went badly, I know how much music means to you. If it makes you feel any better, I have had that happen to me. We all have our totally terrible music days. But yeah, you'll have another music exam and I'm sure you'll be brilliant.

Sometimes sports are crap too. Weather is crap. Everything seems crap. And yeah, people are going to tell you to believe in yourself. That helps, but you shouldn't bother. What you should do, is take some time out for YOURSELF.

By that I mean, have a bath, have some dark chocolate, watch a few chick flicks or listen to some Celine Dion. There is nothing you can do for yourself that will make you feel better then taking some time out just for yourself and doing what you want.

Much love. I hope it all works out for you. (*hug*) (*hug*)

 

Heatqueen. Don't be too hard on yourself. This will pass and you'll be back on track. Deep breathes. Relax for just this second. (*hug*)

 

Hope you go well with your Poetry thing. You'll be great. Just take a deep breath and think about the whole thing rationally, don't freak out over it. okay?
(*hug*)