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I need reassurance.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LoveMusicPoetry, Feb 25, 2013.

  1. LoveMusicPoetry

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    I am feeling complete lost and alone at the moment. The days are stretching out like elastic and it feels like the nights are just to torment me. I feel like I am in purgatory. I'm living with a man who I care for a lot, but I am not in love with. He keeps coming up to me and wanting to cuddle me and I can barely stand him touching me. I can't leave yet because I have absolutely nowhere to go and I can't just up and take my five jyear old son to live under a bridge. I'm flerting with women and talking to them on these dating web sights, intending to go out and be unfaithful as soon as I find someone I like. I'm having to hide all my texts and e-mails, just in case he should find them and I'm just acting about as low and deceitfully as it's possible to be. I just can't do anything different though, I literally have absolutely no alternative. I feel lower now than I ever have at any point in my life before and I don't know what to do. I have nobody to talk to. I feeling like I'm drowning.
     
  2. sheldoncooper

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    I know this isn't what you want to hear or do and it will be very difficult, but if you care about your husband you have to talk to him about the way you're feeling. I may not be able to relate to your situation but I can say with some confidence that being honest is the only way to rid yourself of this depression. Good luck in all aspects of life and I hope you find resolution and inner peace :slight_smile:
     
  3. LoveMusicPoetry

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    I can't, not yet. I have nowhere to go, he has nowhere to go and it would just cause him hurt and upset. I know I'm goning to bring his world crashing down around him at some point, but I can't put either of us through it when we have no way out. Also, my most important consideration is my son. What possible sense could there be in destroying his father when he could have a few more months of enjoying being happy with him. This is fucked up, my life is completely fucked up Morality doesn't come into it at the moment, I have to use my common sense. It would be a load off me if I could just come clean, but I can't, not at the moment.
     
  4. sheldoncooper

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    I understand and apologize for being short-sighted. I agree that coming out in your situation will cause a lot of problems and all I can say at this point is that i'll pray for you and that with the amount you clearly care about your son, he will love you no matter what. I also think that if your husband is a good man, he will forgive you but it will take time, probably a lot of it, so definitely don't do anything rash until you are sure of a course of action.
     
  5. LoveMusicPoetry

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    Thanks Sheldon, I appreciate it. It's not about being short sighted, idealy I would tell him, I just can't make things any worse than they need to be at the moment. I'm gonna be the scum of the earth when it does all finally come out as it is. Knowing you are going to wreck somebody's life is not a very happy feeling. This is a burdon I'm gonna have to carry alone for a while yet I fear. I just need a few kind words off people now and again. I have nobody to talk to who actually understands what I'm going through.:icon_sad:
     
  6. June Cleaver

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    I understand, In reality you are wrecking his life by holding him to you. The sooner you let him go, the sooner he will find his true love he deserves. That goes for you to. I see you are looking, but he will be blindsided and you will be selfishly having a smooth transition to your new love and life leaving him to crash and burn. I don't mean to be harsh, but you both could be looking while having a peacefull end to your marrage. Meanwhile you would no longer have to touch him. I assume your home has more than one bedroom or at least a couch. Also you could leave your son with his father for a short time while you set-up your new life if need be. That is what my mother did and came back for us kids 6 months later. I know I don't have all the info to really advise you best, but being dishonest with him is wrong. By doing wrong, karma will hold you back. Being depressed makes it harder for you to attract a mate. You see when you are happy you attract people to you. You want to attract that special lady? Well you must be ready for her. Just something to think about. Good luck! June
     
  7. Sarah1

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    you should talk to him NOW. you say you dont want to hurt him, but wont cheating hurt him more than telling him how you feel? either way it will end your relationship. dont you have relatives or somewhere you can take your 5 yr old if you have to?

    ---------- Post added 25th Feb 2013 at 08:41 AM ----------

    you know, two weeks ago i told my 2 yr old's father i cant be w him anymore.. and we are still living together - just not as a couple - until I can move out. yes it is very hard, but at least I am on the right path now
     
    #7 Sarah1, Feb 25, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2013
  8. LoveMusicPoetry

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    No, I have no family I could stay with, they live over 100 miles away. Smoothe transition? I think not. I'm going to see the counseller at my college this week for advice, I've also contacted an LGBT charity in the area about advice. Doint something rash at this point would be stupid, I need to hold on a bit. Lives will be wrecked, I want to have something to wreck them for. It's not fair to make him live the the sword of Damocles over his head, it is, but he doesn't know that and I can't see how it would help if he did. My situation is quite a bit more complicated than you imagine. Don't judge me and tell me I'm doing wrong, I'm doing what I have to do in the only way open to me. I have no money for a place of my own, the council won't house me if I make myself homeless, wtf do you expect me to do, live at the bus stop? Life's a bastard, I didn't choose this, it's just happened.