Hey everyone, First off I'd like to say this is a cool site. Second I'd like to say that my mind is driving me insane. I guess you could say I'm questioning but I might just be freaking out over nothing. Anyways let me tell you my story.By the way I am a male and am 19. All my life I've been interested in girls. Had numerous crushes throughout elementary school and middle school, where I would become infatuated with these ladies. Then one day in 6th grade I saw a music video where something in my mind told me I found the male lead singer attractive. I was hit with severe anxiety for the following week until my mind just forgot about it and moved on with my life. The next year we read a book in class where one of the main characters is gay. My teacher said that people who are gay always knew they were gay, which what do ya know gave me anxiety again that I might be gay. This time it lasted around a month. Fast forward through high school and I had girls I liked on and off, but nothing serious happened until this past summer. I fell in love with one of my best friends who is a girl and lost my virginity to her. When I say love I mean head over heels. She drove me absolutely crazy and still does to this day because we are still kind of together, its complicated but thats a whole other story. Anyways at the beginning of November this past year one of my friends who is Bi told me that I was afraid to have gay thoughts, which once again sent me into a panic. I can't get the idea out of my head that I could become gay. Before he said that to me I never really noticed attractiveness in guys unless someone else were to point it out, but now I do and I don't enjoy it. I wouldn't say its like oh that guy is hot I feel like it's more of he's good looking. Yet, I get depressed when I have these feelings. Also whenever I daydream about a girl a little voice in my head says no you're gay and my daydream vanishes and I feel somewhat depressed. Now I can't tell if I'm suppressing gay thoughts or what..I have never had any interest slash it never crossed my mind that I would want to date guys. Until this year I had never found a guy attractive and only started really noticing attractiveness in guys until I started this questioning phase. I have read about HOCD and for a while I was convinced I had that, but thanks to being open minded I ventured to this site and you guys have disproved that, for the most part. I've just spent the last three and a half months questioning every thing I do, its driving me crazy. For some reason I just can't accept the possibility of being bi either. I only see it as black and white for some reason, which I know is just not true. Let me say again I have scoured through my past memories and have not found one instance of a crush on a guy, but countless ones on girls. Yet, this voice in my head telling me I am gay will not shut up. I do not get it. If any of you have went through this or have any suggestions let me know. Thanks a lot, hope y'all are having a good day
Whats up dude? I'm questioning too, so we're in a similar position. The only difference is you seem very confident in your attraction to girls. You go crazy for this girl, and she took your virginity. Did you like getting with her? Assuming you did, and you would do it again, it doesn't seem like your gay. Maybe bi though... Not to be too personal, but you ever think about being with a guy, or watch two guys on the internet? Ever let the curiosity get the best of you? For me that was sort of the sign when I realized there's a good possibility I'm gay. I think for you to truly find out, you have to be a little more open minded. You seem so worried you might be one way, that I think you aren't giving yourself a chance to really find out. Try not to hard on yourself, or give yourself unnecessary expectations. I'm really new here, and don't know a whole lot, but those are my observations. Hopefully someone else whose been around longer comments, but I tried. Feel free to message me or something if you wanna talk, I'm going through something a little similar right now.
