Around Christmas time my uncle bought me a new phone and ofcourse I was happy, now having a new phone i left my old one back at my house.( im 14 and I'm pretty sure I'm gay, at the least bi..). Like an idiot i didnt delete ANY of my txts messages at all and my mom went into my phone and read them all. My friend Adam who I texted a lot and who they know is my best friend but didnt know ive had a crush on forawhile. We've kissed and done a few other things that i wont go into detail with(nothing that bad). This is where my life really goes down hill, The only person who I ever can really rely on other than my mother is my grandmother. My mom thinks being gay is a sickness, and that I am going to go to hell and how IM sick and need Help. She is very religious like my grandma is. I dont have my family other than them, and if i state to them there is nothing you can do to change me or anything like that they will send me to therapy like they already threatened. I moved in with my grandmother because she understands a bit more, but I have to tell her that I am 100% NOT gay whatsoever because she says its the devils way "lusting" for others of the same sex. If i were to fight back my life would be ruined completely as they both cannot be convinced that I'm not going to burn in hell and that i am NOT sick. I dont know what to do anymore, I always think about how great it will be to be married to a nice guy who will cares, but will I even have a family to come to that wedding.. After I move out i believe the only thing I can do is never see them again but i Envy a real life.. And I guess now all I am is a lie. And I can't do anything to stop it. Please Help, and i know im skippin around the story alll over so if you have questions ask please. I dont know what to do.. I love god and I would do anything to prevent myself from going to hell even if it takes making this life miserable, but I dont believe being gay is a sin.. Idk. Comment.. Please..
First make sure that your education or your financial situation isn't harmed by you fully coming out. When you are financial secure then it's up to your family to accept you at the end of the day if they can't accept who you are it's their problem but they may eventually come round. I'm not religious or anything but I get the impressions that most religions are suppose to be a least about love and acceptance I don't think Jesus (or who ever is your messiah) would care about you being gay. Don't try to be straight or anything because you think god will hate you ,that would only lead you to waste your life and possibly waste the life of another woman. You can find a new family of friends later (or now?). Try not to let it get you down (if that's possible). Good luck
Right now my Education is extremely being impacted by all this.. Its so hard to block everything out of my mind. Thanks for the answer it did make me feel better...
Hey City, my education has suffered from the negative impacts of being closeted- mainly, I have trouble interacting with strangers due to anxiety and shyness. The thing that helped the most was developing a plan for coming to terms, and coming out. In fact, that's the only reason I'm still in school, because I have hope that everything is going to be alright. On religion, I don't think you should believe everything you're told. How many other parts of your life do you fully accept what you're told without question? Probably none. There shouldn't be any difference in religion. You have to understand that the bible has been translated a hundred times over, and even with its pure content, there is always human bias involved in transcribing God's message. Some religious people find it convenient to fully attest to things the bible says, namely homophobia, because it challenges their own sense of comfort. Develop your own understanding, keep your faith, and help spread acceptance. All very general advice, but that leaves it open to your interpretation .
Thanks Akatosh, I actually am acquiring extreme anxiety from this whole event. Thanks for the GREAT reply.
The waiting game SUCKS, sometimes I feel like I've been playing it my whole life. I would recommend to just keep yourself busy with education. Just make sure you get through high school with a decent GPA and test scores so you can get into college. You'll have to lie to your parents/grandmother about being gay while they put you through high school and college, but really they're the only ones you have to lie to. Keep yourself busy, whether it be hobbies, schoolwork, friends, or even just chilling with a video game you like. Once you get to college and live in dorms and whatnot you can start dating and be completely open if you're ready to be. Try to just stay calm and remember that this too, shall pass. Talking to your friend/crush might help a lot too, often times when all this builds up and you feel overwhelmed just telling someone about all of it can make you feel a lot better.
Thanks, I have been trying to focus as much as possible on school.. I just always think about that never being able to have that real family.. A supportive one, Luckily I have blocked out basically everything from my mind. I almost feel like a ticking time bomb sometimes.. I have so many things locked up, personally I dont really like my old crush anymore, Were still closest of friends but that version of him faded from my mind..
Here is a suggestion. There may be a LGBT friendly church in your area. To find one, get the phone book and look for churches in your area or search online. Call or e-mail them and pointedly ask them about their official stance on LGBT people. You don't (and should not) go into detail about your situation. Don't even bother telling them your age. You just want the information. If they aren't 100% supportive, scratch them off the list and move on. If you find one that is 100% supportive, then find out if you can speak to the pastor / preacher / reverend - whatever title they want to give themselves. Go into some details about your situation, and see if they are willing to council you and lend you some help. If they're willing to be helpful to you, then that can provide you with some cover. Whenever the issue comes up, you can tell them you're being counselled by Pastor X. Next, look online for LGBT friendly therapists in your area. You can do this VIA Google. Look for one who also happens to be gay, if possible. LGBT Friendly therapists will list themselves as such. Call or e-mail them. Gather some details about appointments, how much it'll cost, etc. Make sure you reaffirm with them that they are LGBT Friendly. Next, tell the Pastor supporting you that you found a therapist. Then tell your Grandmother and Mother that the Pastor recommended that you see a specific therapist. That's when you give them the information about the therapist which you claim came from the Pastor. This will help you build a support network outside of your home environment, and will hopefully take the heat off you until you become an adult and can get away to college. Once you have financial independence, you can then approach things a second time, but on firmer ground.
Wow.. I never even thought of any of those ideas.. I would but if my grandma found out about any of this it would end badly. My grandma isnt 2 smart but she takes advantage of my rich uncle and he like basically tracks me. Its hard to get around them. But I really will take what you said into Consideration...thanks Aldrick
No problem. Have they installed any spyware or monitoring devices on your computer or phone? Do you know how they are tracking you? Do you have any friends that you can trust, and would you be allowed to visit their home? If so, you can always use their computer and phone instead. Alternatively, you could see if you can skip lunch one day and dash off to the school library. (Bring some quick snacks in your book bag or whatever you use to cart stuff around in... something to munch on since you'd be skipping lunch.) Create a temporary free e-mail account, and do things that way from the school computers. You might also be able to privately and secretly e-mail your schools guidance councilor for help. Find out if she / he is LGBT friendly. If so, then you may find a potential ally there as well. This can give you someone to talk to, and who may aid you in getting the help you need.
I am really starting to get depressed about this whole thing, I am almost starting not to love my family anymore, specifically my grandma and my mother. I have been trying to bring myself to forget about it and just hold back till college and all but I almost cant bring myself to stand even giving my Grandmother a hug or saying I love you. Idk what to do, If anyone could reply that would be great :l
1) (*hug*) 2) Aldrick's ideas seem really good. Try them. 3) About your being depressed: find things that help you when you start feeling down, like listening to music, watching videos from the Trevor Project (be careful with this one, as Aldrick said, there might be a spyware on your computer), calling the friend you mentionned,etc. 4) About your feelings toward your family: I have the same problem with my father; I try to notice the little things he does everyday that are actually nice and that he does well (cooking, dancing, sending me texts to check on me - I'm at a sort-of-but-not-quite-boarding school -, repairing the car, etc.). It works for me, though it still feels as an effort, it's better than to feel reluctant each time I give him a hug. 5) (*hug*) again!
