How to better myself completely

With the body part, what I've been doing is 10 push ups, give a 2 minute break, do 10 again. And do this over the course of the day.

I've been doing it for 3 weeks and I started showing definition a week and a half in.

With procrastination, you just have to force yourself. Not really much you can do.

Also, personalities cannot be changed. You can put on a personality mask, and make people like your mask, but they aren't really your real friends. Plus, if you already have friends who like you, and the 'douche' side of you, then what's the problem?

Hopefully this helped

 

I want to be slightly cautious here, and warn you of perfectionist thinking. I speak from personal experience, as a horrific perfectionist. When I read your post, it's almost like hearing my own thoughts being echoed.

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best, or seeking to engage in self-improvement. It has nothing to do with healthy achievement and growth. It is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance from others. It's based on the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can avoid experiencing negative things such as blame, judgement, and shame. It's like trying to hold up a shield in front of yourself.

It's the difference between asking, "What will they think?" Instead of, "How can I improve?"

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I'll address each issue.

1. Better Body. Get a personal trainer and some other professional help, such as a nutritionist. They can guide you on ways to improve your body through healthy and safe means.

2. Procrastination. Make a list of the top three or four things that MUST get done every day. Write it down. Then focus on those things, and eliminate anything that distracts you from them. Don't forget to come up with rewards for yourself as well. If you like surfing Facebook or something, for example, promise yourself that you can take a break after you complete task X. Then surf Facebook for 20 minutes. If you have trouble backing away, get a timer for your phone. When it goes off you have to shut it down right then and get back to work. Want more time? You have to earn it. Complete another task on the list. Hardest and most time consuming tasks need to be completed first.

3. Personality. This is just a matter of perception on your part, I think. However, if you genuinely want to improve practice compassion both for yourself and other people. In my opinion, negative minds breed negative personalities. I hold myself up as guilty as hell here. So, when you catch yourself beating yourself up - try to be mindful, stop yourself, and turn it around. Question your inner dialog. Is it something you would say to someone you loved deeply? If someone was suffering from the perceived problem that you're having, what would you tell them and how would you say it? When dealing with other people, particularly people you don't like, try to take a step back. Try to put yourself in their shoes, and see the world through their eyes. Try to imagine what would make them feel and act the way that they do. If you get rather good at this, then I think you'll find that you'll be able to forgive and overlook quite a bit. This means less anger, less resentment, and as a consequence less stress.

 

I mean, I think you already know how to physically get a better body and not procrastinate etc. As far as personality goes, your mood will be a lot better AND you will be more confident if you get the other two down, so just worry about the exercise and procrastination.

Both of them really can be described by saying it begins with a single step - but fortunately, that first step is the hardest. Once you start, whether it be exercising or homework, it becomes a lot easier, it's just the STARTING that you have to force yourself to do. If the exercise part seems daunting to you like it did to me, just run! It's the healthiest exercise by far, burns fat, builds muscle, and is probably the easiest. Plus it gives you a chance to clear your head and focus on that homework or whatever else you need to get done.

Remember that there is a triangular relationship between how you think, act, and feel. Improve one and the others benefit.

 

Well Aldrick gave some great advice that I will take. I struggle with this a lot lately too. Not with my body, but definitely with my personality. I don't want to change myself, I just want to be able to BE myself and improve the way I handle things, etc. It's a hard process and I am working on it too man.

Btw, I hate it when my one of my friends is negative all the time, so like Aldrick said, just look at it with a different perspective and who knows what you will see :/

 

See your family doctor, and see what he recommends. Other than that, I recommend hitting Google and looking into some exercise programs. There are plenty of sites out there dedicated to healthy eating and body sculpting. Ultimately, it boils down to the right diet and the right type of exercise. I'd also approach it as a lifestyle; the way you want to live permanently. It's something you really have to be motivated to do, primarily because you enjoy it. Not because you have to, but because you want too. The very act of doing it needs to make you happy. If you attempt to approach it from a 'have to' mindset, then chances are you're going to fail, and then you'll beat yourself up for failing. (Been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt. )

I can't give more specific advice aside from the above, since I don't know exactly what you want to do. I'd recommend hitting Google though. I know there are some places out there for gay men who enjoy living a healthy lifestyle and exercising. Joining one of those communities may be helpful to you, both for support and advice.

People and personalities can and do change. Simply looking at my own life, I'm not the same person that I was when I was a teenager; nor am I the same person I was when I was in my early 20's. Part of it is growing up and becoming mature, and part of it had to do with a process of self-discovery where I looked at what I really valued. (It also involved a lot of forgiveness on my part, letting go of a lot of serious deeply rooted hatred, rage, and resentment.)

It's probably more accurate to say people evolve, rather than people change. It's not something that happens overnight; it's a process that takes years. In fact, you often don't realize you've changed until you look back to the person you used to be. This may be something that is just discovered with time, as we get older. I don't know for certain. I'll let you know in another 30 years whether I'm right on that, or if I'm just one of the odd balls out there.

Maybe I misread you then. If so, I apologize. It's just that when I read things like this:

I read it as: "I'm worried about guys judging me as unattractive, and I want to look better to impress them."

If I was wrong, if so I apologize.

If you do feel that way, though, one helpful thing to keep in mind is that virtually everyone else shares the same exact fear as you. Including guys who might contact you. Those guys who passed you up, you can't just assume it was about your looks. It could be about your hobbies, your age, the fact that you do (or don't) smoke, the fact that you had a weird typo in your profile... it could literally be almost anything. Hell, they could have been opening dating profiles just to see if anyone had posted nudes, and when they see you hadn't they moved on. You don't know what went through their head, and even if they told you that it was because of your looks there is no guarantee that they're telling you the truth. Anyone who would flat out tell you something like that, is almost certainly covering up for some insecurity of their own.

Keeping this in mind, I believe is helpful. (And yes, I fully understand that it is very hard to keep it in mind. )