I have spend the past few months slowly inching my way out of the closet. I have told my family and told my friends. My highschool and pretty much everyone who knows me knows. And yet for some odd reason i still hide in the closet. By that I mean I worry what people will think when I get a boyfriend I worry about what people will say when I mention a guy is atractive. I was with one of my friends who is really cool with it and has absolutly no problem with it. We were looking at her Top 10 Cute Guys List. She showed me them and while I wanted to tell her that we find the same type of guys attractive I didn't. I don't know why but a little voice in my head just told me don't. I feel like i am keeping myself trapped in another closet. I feel like pressure is building. I can't stand the fact that I am doing this. I tell myself that it is just safer this way, but no the whole point of coming out was so that I could be me and I wouldn't have to hide. I want to be open about what I feel about who I am, but I am afraid. I feel like if i don't do somthing soon i am going to fall apart. It isn't that I can't hide myself and go on living like this. It is really easy for me and much safer. I just can't stand that I am out and yet i am not. I can't be me and I am starting to feel just as misserable as I did before i came out. I'm sorry if I rambled a bit.
Theres nothing wrong about being gay. if people cant understand about gay people, theyve got problems. Not you. Just be yourself since people already know. If there are more and more people like you, the world would be different.
What comes to my mind is that you came out of the closet to the whole society, but you're still in the closet for yourself. Do you feel comfortable when the "gay" topic comes into the conversation? It will take time, granted, but try to be more open. Start by telling to yourself if you're watching TV for example: "Oh that buy is cute" if you really mean it - get used to talk about it. Don't try to be someone else. If after trying you see that you just don't like to talk about it that much or anything, is ok. You are not afreaid to be yourself, maybe YOU are that way. You can change, of course, but only do it if you really mean it, not of other people tells you "Hey buddy, change!" And we'll always be here for you (*hug*) Jean.
Your situation sounds very very similar to what I went through. I know this may sounds silly, but all it took was to just one time do something that I desparately wanted to and not think about it. In my case, I went shopping one day, bought the clothes I wanted to wear and did my hair the way I wanted to. It may sound very superficial, but chaning my appearance to the way I wanted to look forced people to look and me and say "hm...something is different, but that's ok". So just think of that one thing you want to do badly that's something you wouldn't have done while you were in the closet. Maybe it's changing your appearance, going with a bunch of girls to see a chick flick, or maybe just bringing up a guy to a friend that you think is hot. Heck, maybe it's something that's not "gay" in the least, but you still wouldn't have done it otherwise. I think you'll see how good it feels to truly act as yourself and hopefully will prompt you to BE more yourself. Just remember, you're beautiful for WHO YOU ARE!
I think that's awesome advice! :eusa_clap At least that's how I feel too. I'm completely comfortable with myself being gay, I'm out to my closest friends and my mom and still, something's just not right yet! I'll take your advice too, it might seem silly or superficial at first glance but it's not!
Yeah, that's AWESOME advice! That was why I had my hair cut... to try and manifest to the world a little bit of who I really want to be. When the hairdresser mucked it and did something different from what I wanted, it really broke my heart. But I'm having changed again on Thursday, so then I can really be myself a bit more. I think a lot of people have a similar problem to you, Geist. (*hug*)
