I could really use some advice because frankly I am stuck. I was a little afraid of joining this site, but I REALLY need some help on this. You see, I was raised in Europe for most of my life, so the whole idea of gay marriages wasn't new to me as I understood what it was from a very young age since people talk about it rather openly. However, my dad's work takes him all across the world, but a while ago he got a job in the Middle-East in Jordan, so we had to move there for a while. The problem is that my father isn't exactly very open-minded towards LGBT rights. He's sort of the type to just grumble and insult the whole thing every now and then, but he would always say that 'They're not harming anyone' in the end. The whole idea of gay relationships was always indifferent to me until a while ago. That was curtsey of my mother who was a very avid supporter of gay relationships, something which she and my father argued about, but since it never really came up in our daily lives it rarely happened. I was sort of person to avoid it, but a while ago I realised that I may be attracted to other men. I've been on dates with girls before, but it was never serious. When I started realising that I'm gay I sort of kept it hidden from everyone since I didn't feel attracted to anyone, so I just thought that there was no real reason to put myself through a horrible situation like that by trying to explain to my slightly homophobic father that I'm not straight. This was just around the time that we moved. Now, if my story stopped at this point, I would've been fine, it wouldn't have been any problem because I would've been perfectly happy keeping it a secret until I turn 18, but the problem when I turned 15 we moved here. It's hell. Jordan is one of the very few Middle-Eastern nations that legalised gay relationships (not gay marriages) however, even though it's legal, the people here take gay relationships as 'an insult to God's glory' and 'it violates the pride of heaven' (I'm not joking, these are actual sentences that I've been responded with after I asked about gay relationships..) It only took me a month to realise that most of these people are complete homophobes. I only found 2 people who are okay with the whole LGBT issue here. I've asked around in between classes about it and got some answers that pretty much gave me chills. One of the students said during history class about Hitler's murder of homosexuals that 'I would do the same thing' After that I got very very afraid of telling anyone or even speaking about this subject. I began avoiding even mentioning this subject because from what I understood it's quite dangerous to publicly proclaim that you're gay here. But wait, there's more. Just as I was about to feel bad enough about hiding who I am, this new English student moved here. I began talking to him and we grew really close in a really short while. After a couple months we were nearly always together. Then I realised that I really REALLY like him. I've never felt like this before, I mean, I'm so happy yet I'm scared like hell. He's perfect in almost every way, he's funny, interesting, cute, and though he sometimes enforces his opinions on others, it's always done in good intentions, on top of that he told me that he's ok with gay relationships when I asked. But I still didn't tell anyone anything. So, does anyone have ANY clue what I should do? I'm really really sick and tired of playing along with the crowd and acting against who I want to be. I've really really had it, I want to ask him out but if I do I'm afraid my father would probably go insane and I'd get some very very negative results from some people here. Plus, I really feel like I'm going to hurt someone if I do say I'm gay. I'm about to explode and just yell this out in school, I really can't handle people making all those homophobic jokes and pretending to laugh, I just can't stand wanting to be with someone so bad yet I can't. I just turned 16 just 2 months ago and I really feel as if I just have to tell someone. Lately I've been founding myself thinking of just blurting out this secret that I've kept to my crush every time I talk to him and end up saying some generally weird things that barely make sense. I just can't help it. Any advice before I go insane? Sorry for that long post, I just really needed to get this off my chest..
If you could possibly get hurt with you coming out publicly then i would keep stay in the closet abit more but, if you can fully trust this crush of yours or your mother even you could perhaps come out to one of them because they seem like they would be great supporters of you. When you come out of the closet you dont have to come out all at once xD take baby steps at which people you choose to tell and then if you honestly believe that you are ready for the after effects of coming out to everyone then you can. I would just take it one person at a time that you can trust to A. Be supportive B. Keep the secret as long as you wish them to keep it. On another note. Its so great that you've found someone like that Best of luck~<3
Thanks so much for the advice. I would've told my mother if I could but she passed away a while ago. The reason I can't tell my crush it because I feel like I'll end up harming him or just causing unneeded trouble to his life. Do you think it's worth it? I really don't want to cause any problems..
Sorry to hear about your mother and hmmm... i think if it was a real friend he wouldnt consider this a problem to him more of just another thing he's learned about you. Your about my age so we're still kinda young. You seem to know exactly what you want however and that is well to date him. I believe love is always worth the risks but always be carefull about how you come out with it. First you need to well come out to him, then depending on his answer ask if he too is gay, then you go from there. Its always worth it to me but be VERY carefull of the risks D: cuz you dont seem to be in a very Gay loving area. Best of luck and hope everything goes well
Thanks so much. That's really helpful advice! I guess I thought coming out would mean completely telling everyone. But I think you don't really understand what I mean by 'causing trouble'. You see, he's the type to be very defensive about people's rights. I have no doubt that he'd be okay with me being gay but the problem is he almost got into a fist fight with another students over gay rights..I mean, I trust him completely, but he's the very vocal type, I don't want him to accidentally get into a problem or for someone to find out something like this. I've been trying to approach him for the past 3 weeks now, but I keep thinking if this is a good idea. Do you think that I should tell him if it could mean problems like these? I'm afraid for his well-being..
Dang if he gets into a fight with people over gay rights i would almost wanna ask him if he is gay first. If your afraid that he will get even more angry with people that are making fun of gays then i would just talk to him about it and try to calm him down more and explain to him that he dosent need to act like that and to try to ignore the haters because your only letting them win when you give into the fighting. Goodluck
Hmm, this is a tricky one. I'm sorry to hear that you are in such an impossible position. Has your school got a counsellor? Or is there a place you can go where you would be able to talk to someone? I don't know how it all works over there but there must be westernised medical practices and services. That really is the only thing I can suggest. Also, have you googled to see if there is an LGBT society where you live? They would deal with your case in a sensative and confidencial way. Good luck with this. You're not the only person in an impossible position, trust me. This sight has been great for me. It has made me much more able to talk about my situation and it gives me a release, a place where I can be myself. I really do wish you luck with this.
Thank you so much! I'm going to try and plan out telling this to him I'm sort of drawing a blank on what I have to say, I don't wanna make it sound like I'm dying or something XD But honestly, I doubt he's gay. I'm not that lucky lol
Psh never say that. You never know untill you ask you could write a letter to him or just say it in person or do like a mix and read the letter to him to make sure you've said what you wanna say. Somewhere on this forum is a post for coming out help advice cant remember where.. anyone got a link for this guy?
Thanks a lot. There is no LGBT society here. The subject of someone gay in this school has never popped up and I'm really afraid of asking. I'm starting to feel really distant from my friends and family because of me hiding something like this, but I really have no choice but to hide this. I'm going to try and tell my crush my secret. I really appreciate your support and sympathy! ---------- Post added 28th Feb 2013 at 01:50 PM ---------- XD I'm going to ask. I searched up some links and decided to set the right mood. I'm gonna invite him over and tell him flat out. That whole letter thing will REALLY be helpful! I forget most of the stuff I have to say when I'm nervous lol. I think there might be a chance that he's bi, or at least, I'm hoping.
