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Parental and personal support

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by darkestknight, Mar 16, 2008.

  1. darkestknight

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    So I have accidentally outed to my parents, with all the mixed feelings they have. My ma still rejected my sexual orientation, and my pa thought that I still could 'change'.

    I clarified these to them:

    1.) Father said that I didn't mix enough of people when I was younger, and that's why I'm bi. Hell yes, to him, I'm almost socially inept! I stumble, and fumble all the time! I couldn't speak well. Whatever that makes me non-social!

    Me: Yes, I admit that I don't mix that MUCH of people during my elementary and high school days. But when I entered college, I noticed myself to be okay - I can mix well with almost anyone. I can chat with many people without problems. I still make a lot of mistakes like not listening much to people, but I did at least try to listen to other opinions. I might be not doing enough, but I'll continue to socialize more people. I can be a good chick magnet (I hate to say that) and I can be a male magnet at the same time too. All the potentials that I realized later in my college.

    2.) Father said that I'm fantasizing and it's a phase only and I'm growing up. He said that these feelings towards men will disappear when I get a girlfriend.

    Me: Yes, I'm fantasizing (everyone did that right?) and I have emotional attraction (for girls) and sexual + emotional attraction (for men) at the same time. I love people without seeing genders. But, I cannot 'experiment' the sexual thing to people just to confirm my sexuality right? Right now I have 2 prospects for females, and 2 male crushes, one in love and another almost in love. Okay, the love part. It's difficult to explain. For the feelings towards men, it's already pretty obvious. One in love and another almost in love with 2 men. Whatever thinks that it'll disappear??

    3.) Father said that I should be looking at the specialist when I was young. Now he said that he's too late.

    Me: Is my liking towards men and women a disease?? Why can't I like people?? Why can't I love people? I don't see the gender, the people I happen to enjoy is men and women, so what?

    4.) Father said that I may be naive and still in growing up phase.

    Me: Yes, I'm damn naive in certain aspects in my behaviour, but is is being Bisexual also means that I'm naive at the same time?? Well, I'm still in growing up phase. I've already through the puberty stage A LONG TIME AGO. I'm already reaching an adult. I know what I love best. :grin:

    Finally, he did accepted that, but I'm pretty sure he is not convinced YET.

    I hope he understands my sexuality. I hope the whole world begin to see "Love" and "Affection" as a whole and not just for the opposites. :grin: (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
     
  2. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    This is a good booklet to print out and give to your parents. It's called Bisexuality 101.
    It might help them to understand you more.

    http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/BisexualityResourcePacket.pdf

    By the way, PFLAG National just updated their website and I realized that the link I had on there was no longer going to the reources page. I've corrected that so if anybody is interested in the booklets PFLAG has to offer, the link is now correct.
     
  3. darkestknight

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    Hi - the strange thing is, they didn't almost believe a thing on the book. He said that I had actually "surrendered" to my thoughts too. I showed to my pa and my ma about these too, but they are not that convinced. :bang:

    Ugh, I wish they could understand all these. :roflmao: Seeeeeeriously! :grin:

    The main thing is, I never "surrendered" anything to my thoughts. I want to tell them I don't suddenly get up in the bed and like both men and women at the same time. I love people. I don't care whether the research or findings are fake or not. I love myself, I am myself, and I love people. I love love. I like like. What the hell are my parents all thinking? :bang:
     
    #3 darkestknight, Mar 16, 2008
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2008
  4. KaraBulut

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    Here's what parents do when they are confronted with their children coming out.

    1. Denial: The initial stage: "It's just a phase. You can't be gay."
    2. Anger: "Why me? It's not fair. It's wrong. It's not the way we raised you!"
    3. Bargaining: "Maybe if you dated women. Have you tried?"
    4. Depression: "Maybe it's my fault. Maybe if I would have been a better parent?"
    5. Acceptance: "We're going to be OK. I love you as you are."

    It's not always in this order and sometimes they go back and forth before they get to acceptance.

    Your parents are going back and forth between denial, anger and bargaining.

    As you get older, sometimes you will feel like you are the parent and that your parents are like children. This is one of those times. When they are through the emotions that they need to get through, you will have to educate them and help them to understand that you are what you are. Hopefully, they will find their way to acceptance. Acceptance is what is needed for you and your parents to have an adult relationship.

    You're doing the right things. Just be patient and remember that it took you a while for you to accept who you are. It will take your parents a while to get there, too.
     
  5. darkestknight

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    Thanks! Yeah, they have these stages all together. It's like these stages are all happening together, a little bit at a time. They are certainly trying to deny that. I feel it in my gut. :grin:

    It took me a good while to fully figure myself what am I anyway. And I'm damn proud of it. :grin:

    Fortunately my pa said that it's alright. but not sure how 'alright' is it for him. He told me that as long as I have a good and fulfilling life, it doesn't matter to him. But my ma isn't. She begged and begged and begged me to get me a girl. However, I'm not ready for any relationship yet.:roflmao:
     
  6. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    I'm sorry that your parents didn't react that well. :frowning2: But hopefully these phases will pass (theirs, not yours :grin:) and you can feel happy that you're out to them. Congratulations for telling them!!! (*hug*)
     
  7. Louise

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    Sounds like your dad is on the road to acceptation, give him time, be patient he just has to come to terms with it, this is his problem not yours. As he said he just wants you to be happy.

    I wouldn't worry too much about your mum at the moment she is in 100% DENIAL. Once your dad has come round fully he will surely help your mum to a certain level of acceptance even if it takes her several years and she never fully gets there, she will get over the begging for a girlfriend as she sees you grow, develop relationships and are happy.

    Hang on in there, the ride might be bumpy but at least your dad is trying.
     
  8. darkestknight

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    Thanks ladies and gentlemens! :grin:(*hug*)

    It's lovely to receive supports from you people! I'm very grateful!

    My pa is fine and OK with all that, but he's still in his mind, wondering that he could change me (or I would change). I'll tell him that if he intend to repeat his statement which could be very annoying to me:

    "You want to change me, it's fine for you. Try as you may, but you will definitely fail. I enjoy people, and that's all of it. You are now like forcing my straight brother (1000% straight he is!) to enjoy gay videos (or to become gay) while he doesn't WANT any of that.. AT ALL!! Har har har!! :badgrin:"

    Well, that could be really offensive to my pa, but I'm telling the truth. The truth bites. The truth hurts. The truth stings. But he got to learn to respect other's sexual identity. I know I cannot reject/deny myself anymore, and I know I must accept myself. However he kept insisting that it is in the 'wrong path'.

    I don't care what 'wrong path' he told me - it's almost bullshit for him to say that. I believe crimes and wrongdoings are the ACTUALLY the 'wrong path'. I'm sure he would rather ME being a bisexual, than ME becoming some sort of hardened criminal or a serious bank robber. (i don't have cojones to even beat people up, let alone doing all that!!)

    Meanwhile my ma is still in denial. I felt for her. She begs for an opposite partner of me everytime. Eventhough i'm not 100% homosexual, the chances of me getting an opposite partner is likely too. But that'll be another story in the future. Remember Que Sera, Sera? I wanna tell her that: Whatever will be, will be! The future's not ours to tell!! (&&&)
     
  9. darkestknight

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    Hey there.

    Last saturday, I made my ma felt very guilty. She said, "Goodness, please I don't want to hear that anymore!" when I mentioned I'm bi. (i came out a few weeks ago).

    Then, she was totally demoralized. She wanted me to marry a woman and have kids. She wanted to rush me for a girlfriend. All that stuff.

    My pa accepted me as a bi finally in the end, he said something like, "Whatever suits you, let's hope that the days are nice...". Whew!

    However, my ma didn't like the idea or my sexual identity that I like both women and men. She kept on asking, "I understand you are picky of women, but what's in a man that you like anyway??"

    I said, "Like what I'll see in a woman."

    Needless to say, she isn't convinced. I am pretty sure it'll take a hell lot of time for her to accept that.

    If I'm not getting married, I might get celibate forever. Who cares? I love myself too much these days.

    Meanwhile some of my straight chauvinist coursemates sometimes dislike me for being a bi. They could say that I'm purposely exhibiting it to annoy them. To heck with them, I can't hide my bisexuality too long anymore. I came out. That's it. Period.

    For my crush count, now it's 2 women and 3 men altogether. The latest one isn't in love, just a heck of fondness and admiration. I can't resist cute men, I can't resist pleasent women too!

    :roflmao: :roflmao:

    p.s: my ma could have cajole me also to get one girl! What desperate housewife! haha!