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Real purpose of coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Rebellion, Mar 1, 2013.

  1. Rebellion

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    Hello, I've talked with my therapist today about my come out to my parents last September, I completely misunderstood him as I believed he told me to experiment with both men and women to know what I am when actually he just said that although it's quite certain I'm gay, I should let things just flow and happen naturally and that I should not close myself to anything because I've labelled myself as gay in the unprobable case I'd feel some sexual attraction for a girl, I'm fine with his opinion, though I've accepted finally myself as gay, with your help.

    On the other hand, I've talked to him about coming out in general, to whom should I come out, the purpose, etc... In his opinion, he says I should be careful to whom I come out to, that it's not everybody's bussiness to know what I'm into, and that sometimes it's better just to shut up, or lie if the situation is not safe, and I partly agree with him, as I've experienced it myself at high school, where I would have had a really bad time had I come out then. However, I think it's also a matter of being who you are, his opinion is that I can be whoever I want to without the need of telling the others and that coming out has to do in part with the urge of being accepted by the others, in this matter, I don't feel like he's right about it at all, perhaps it's that he's not experienced the same as us, and therefore I would like to know your thoughts about this matter as I'm planning to come out to my closest friend and my relatives.
     
  2. TestingitOut

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    I think theres a difference between walking down the street and going up to strangers and saying, "Hi, I'm gay!" or walking into a classroom or a job and introducing yourself to everyone like that, versus engaging in a conversation about relationships and love, and feeling comfortable enough to let it be known that you are in a homosexual relationship. I dont think coming out means that everyone you have ever known has to know about who you are attracted to.

    Like with dont ask dont tell... I dont think gays had an issue with that because they werent allowed to sing and dance about being gay or whatever else people think gays in the military might do... its because when you're scared and in another country fighting a war, and your fellow soldiers are talking about their loved ones back home or displaying their pictures, you want to be able to share about yours too.

    I think that its a good idea to come out to good friends and relatives, because these are the people who you want to share the details of your life and your feelings with. You dont want to have to lie to them or avoid having those talks. For people who you dont know so well, coming out to them should be less like IM GAY, and more like, as they ask you questions and get to know you, that part of you will be known as well. Common sense should dictate when and if to tell strangers that youre gay.
     
  3. stumble along

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    Im havign this same issue with my dad in part, he does not want me telling family, I wont unless they bring it up and i happen to be dating a guy, i aggree with him that they dont really need to know, but then again i dont want to outright blindside them.

    as for friends and other people, do what you think is necessary, i think its okay to lie sometimes when its not safe and only bring it up when the situation arises is okay as well. I'm buying a ring and that will kind of work the same way, though slightly more outspoken, and itll help me open up.
     
  4. Gleeko0

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    I second that.

    Coming out, on my view, is not about letting everybody know, but rather feel comfortable about it in general, given the situation is safe of course.
     
  5. Coming out doesn't have to be a problem. Do it on your own terms and when you feel comfortable.
    You will find by then how you view things and how you feel will seem much butter than before.
    Coming out to others and yourself would feel liberating so don't immediately do it if you feel uncertain.
     
  6. Pret Allez

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    The purpose of coming out is

    1) so that you affirm to yourself that you don't have to hide and worry about whether you're hiding successfully. You can just live your life, and it has documented mental and physical health benefits over time, and

    2) so that other people will feel a little bit safe to come out, because at least they know you.

    In my opinion, (2) is more important than (1), and that's why I strive to be as out and visible as I possibly can be.