Okay. So I'm mulling over this coming out question. And the other thread here in Support and Advice about parents and religion made me consider my situation, because it's sort of the opposite. My Reverend (or at least the one I had growing up) would not hand my parents a Homosexuality 101 video. Is there any way to come out to your parents at all if you came from a church like these? jesus camp trailer - YouTube [youtube]6RNfL6IVWCE[/youtube]
Well, what're your parents like? Are they the sort of people who pretty much go insane over the mention of homosexuality? Or just the type to grunt and ignore? If they're type A, then telling them is nearly impossible without some sort of backlash. I suggest you search up any possible attacks they might throw at you. If they're the very religious type, you're going to need to have an argument. Either that or you do it in the non-direct way. If they're type B, tell them that they'll need to accept you for who you are. Give them some biblical verses about tolerance and I doubt they'll hold a grudge or anything. That's how a very dear friend of mine told his parents. Hope it helped.
Well, I think the best I've ever seen in terms of reconciling Christianity with being gay is Mattew Vines: [youtube]ezQjNJUSraY[/youtube] But ultimately, it will come down to whether they can overcome the indoctrination of their religion in order to accept you. How prominent is anti-gay teaching in their particular church? Is it a major point, focused on in sermons and so forth, or something more minor? How central is it to their beliefs? It might go somewhat better because you are already an adult--they may feel less like it is still their responsibility to influence you to live "correctly." You might get the "we don't agree with it, but it's your decision," kind of response (once the shock wears off). How sure are you that they have no idea? You mentioned recently that neither you nor your partner have dated women since college. Is it possible that they suspect something? They know that you and your partner are very close, and also presumably know that you suddenly moved away and weren't speaking to him for some time, kind of mysteriously. What do they think happened? ---------- Post added 2nd Mar 2013 at 06:49 AM ---------- Also, I embedded the YouTube video for you, I hope you don't mind.
My mom is sort of hard to read on it. She usually tells my dad to please change the subject if he says something negative about it (and he never has anything positive to say). But she does the same thing if he says anything racist, or talks about something gory. She's a devout lady, but she's very polite and sort of reserved. Sweet though. She loves me (though my brother is her favorite, she can't lie - you gotta favor the baker over the bartender when you're a Southern lady). My dad runs off at the mouth though, and yeah, he's pretty vocally against it. He always has something to say if it comes up, either in the news, or if a gay person is on TV (or someone he suspects is gay, like Ryan Seacrest XD). Thanks, that sounds like a good plan. It's not a central belief, more like a "symptom of the decay of godless Western society" sort of deal. It's hard to argue against them, because they teach that homosexuality is spread through the movies, through the TV, through the Internet, through contact with homosexuals (GASPNO). Well guess where gays are getting more and more attention? Media. Because they're trying to do that integration thing, and evangelicals are just seeing the rise of a new Sodom and Gomorrah (except their names are New York and Los Angeles). In any case, the consequences aren't as dire as an adult, because I'm financially independent of them. I'm also not a member of that church, so there isn't anything they can do about it, whereas if I was still some little 14 or 16 year-old teenager living in their house they could drag me down there if I came out to them and they decided a pastor needed to "talk to me" about it. Let me put it this way. My parents would not have approved of gay conversion therapy for me as a teenager if they knew what it entailed, because they do love me and they wouldn't want me to be tortured (I don't think, anyway). However, they might have agreed to it anyway if persuaded by their religious leaders though, because they're not that educated about the subject or anything else. Neither one is college taught. Well the longer I went without saying I was dating someone (which I think the last time I actually told my mother I was "seeing a girl" was my junior year of college) the more my mom began to bring it up. She always wants to know if I'm seeing anyone seriously and when I tell her I'm waiting for the right person (not necessarily a lie, right?) she says that I need to go do things socially where I can meet "nice girls". Guess where the nice girls hang out? If your guess is sipping punch with the "righteous judges" on Wednesdays, you get a cookie. I don't mind, I was trying to figure out how to do it myself. ---------- Post added 2nd Mar 2013 at 07:29 AM ---------- Oh, and I told my family I moved for a job. I think my mom was afraid to ask Nick about it. I don't know what my father thinks. We don't talk much. When we do, I'm getting talked at.
I'm in the same boat. Grew up in a Evangelical community. That alone screwed me up. I even went to Bible camp. Sang onward Christian soldiers. I was put into a Baptist schools until college. It took a very long time for me to come to terms with my sexuality. Now my parents are not harsh toward gays. They simply are not part of their world. They would think gays are less than 1% of the population living a sinful lifestyle in some gay part of the country. And they don't think much about them. They are completely unaware of what's happening in the world because they only get their news from their church, church friends or pat Robertson. Circumstances finally lead to me coming out to them. I watched "For the Bible tells me so" video with them which helped a lot. They are okay with it after that, but still live in their world. So things have got a bit awkward. I'm the only gay person they know (or so they think). My mom refers to PFLAG as "my group" and she almost whispers it as if it a bad thing. I don't feel comfortable talking to them about it because they are so uncomfortable. They promised not to tell my brothers or sister. They remain completely unaware of the changes happening in the world outside of their church. So I don't see any possibility things could change. I guess I've become envious of the families of my PFLAG group who are gay activists in support for their family member. I never expected my family to be like that. My only wish was that they could see being gay no big deal as if they don't care. See it as normal...just not average. So I struggle with the same kind of things.
When I saw the title, I immediately thought of this sketch.[YOUTUBE]Public Restrooms, Jesus Camp, & How to Save a Lesbian from Hell - YouTube[/YOUTUBE]
Since you're from the South, there may be more pressure to have a girlfriend or start planning for marriage. Up here in the northeast, the vast majority of my friends are not dating. Everyone just hooks up. From time to time, I might mention a "girl" to my parents. Maybe I'm lucky in that my parents recognize we are all individuals and go at our own pace. Some get married right away, some wait years. Speaking of religion, I was raised in a "Mainline Protestant" denomination which includes Methodists, Episcopalians, Presbyterians, etc. They tend to be more liberal than the "Evangelical Protestants" and allow for one's own personal interpretation about what the Bible means. We did, however, have a young priest who was vocally against homosexuality and abortion. When the Anglican community received its first gay bishop, our priest's sermons were ardently opposed to him. He spoke of hell and all of that crap. My parents didn't believe in it and even walked out on some of his sermons.
Oh. My. God. That was hilarious. :lol: And it's true about that "child of God" thing, it's about the evangelical equivalent of "Bless your heart." I think this is true, since my straight single friends back home have told me in the past of similar pressures from their parents to settle down and marry. It's just a cultural thing I guess.
Since you asked, and since TraceElement seems to also have had some trouble with the YouTube embed: A YouTube web address looks like this: www .youtube.com/watch?v=71zzWkMvL4A To embed the video, you wrap the part after the = in youtube tags. [ youtube]71zzWkMvL4A[/youtube]. (without the space in the opening youtube tag--that's so it will show up in the post instead of disappearing.) Not the whole web address, just the part after the "equals" sign. [YOUTUBE]71zzWkMvL4A[/YOUTUBE] (HOW CAN PEOPLE MISTAKE HER FOR A BOY??? THEY ARE BLIND AND CRAZY!!! Just sayin'. It shocks me every time. She's kind of hot, and boys... aren't...:icon_redf How can people not tell the difference? I mean, I hate that she has to put up with that in public restrooms, but I also genuinely don't understand. Blind, blind people...) I'm sorry your dad is vocally homophobic that way, that is really hard to deal with. You could talk to your mom alone about current politics, or something, and see if you can get a read on what she really thinks about the subject. Keep in mind though that her reaction still won't be exactly the same as when it's her son she's talking about. In the meantime, is there anyone else you would consider coming out to? It would be better if you and Nick had a broader emotional support base before coming out to your parents. Most likely, they will react badly at first, and then come around. But it will be hard for you, while they are still reacting badly. You'll want to have supportive friends.
Right now the closest sense I can get of her is that while she isn't comfortable with the subject of homosexuality in the house as dinner conversation, she also isn't comfortable with my dad's tirades against it (or a number of other things) either. Mostly because I think she feels that they're in poor taste and not very Christian (which is true). I know I'm making my dad out to sound like a bad guy, and he's really not. He's mostly always been very kind and generous with me growing up, and we've always been pretty close because we share interest in similar things - sports, camping, fishing, drinking, hunting. Macho shit basically. So yeah, the idea of coming out to him does bother me because it's going to go against everything he's ever believed about me. I was the tough brother, and it'll completely change his perception of me. I was thinking about my older brother. He's a pretty laid-back guy and dismissive of my dad's running off at the mouth. My father gave him a lot of (relatively good-natured) shit about being a sissy when he became a baker, and even bought him a frilly apron as a joke Christmas gift one year. You can't make cupcakes for a living as a heterosexual male without taking no small degree of flack about it. Our friends are a crapshoot. Overall I think the average response might be accepting but worried. Or I could completely be off the mark and they could be shocked at the entire idea. I just can't imagine it hasn't crossed some peoples' minds though, based on the amount of time we spend together (and alone) but other than one incident in high school where I got suspended for fighting and another where I was harassed by some guys in a truck, I've never had homophobic slurs directed at me. I can't imagine what it would be like to have my dad actually say those things to my face.
