Hello, I came out to my best friend about a week ago and now I keep feeling like I really want to come out to everyone else. I cant come out to everyone because people would act weird around me at school. I have a friend who doesnt know I'm gay and her friend came out at school and she says everyone tries to avoid her in the changing room before PE and stuff like that. But, I would like to tell my mum because I know she would accept me its just that she would probably tell lots of other people - even if I asked her not to. She would just have to tell someone like my aunty because my mum sees situations like this as "well you would have to come out to them at some point anyway so I just told them for you" or "your aunty wont tell anyone". I really do want to tell my mum its just that sometimes she doesnt understand my feelings. Should I come out to her now or just wait until I tell everyone else?
Honestly, this a question that only you can answer for yourself. A huge part of coming out at first is weighing the pros and cons of telling each person and deciding what you can live with and what you can't. If you decide that you do want to tell your mom, you should try to really explain to her that it would be very detrimental to you at this point in your life if she told anyone else. You should tell her that you will come out to others in your own time when you are ready, but for now you just want her to know.
I agree with the advice from livinglifefree above. You know these people better than any of us, so it comes down to you to make that call. You know how they will handle the situation. However, if you want to come out to more people-go for it. It only gets easier, better, and I believe healthier the more you come out to others. I would stress emphasizing that this is YOUR life, and YOUR moment to the more "gossipy" people in your life. If you are worried about them spreading the word-that is a fair and completely understandable feeling. I've had these feelings too. I wanted to desperately come out to my best friend, who is also dating one of my friends from high school for over 5 years-so they are incredibly close. I was worried about him telling her. However, I trusted him, stressed the importance of me choosing to come out to others and the rate I go about it is my business and my choice. He was very understanding an I came out to him and it is wonderful now. My best advice is be 100% clear on your intentions of coming out and how you would like it to be done. It should be done on your accord-it is your life.
Do whatever will make life easiest and get you through the Rough highschool years as smooth as possible. Sometimes that Does involve keeping your preference under wraps for awhile. Only you know Your school atmosphere, and your family and friends. Sometimes sharing too much Too early can be liberating. Other times it could make You miserable and alone. Be prepared to deal with the Consequences.
Thanks everyone for all your advice. I dont know what I'm going to do but your advice has helped me a lot in thinking about whether to tell my mum or not. I think I'll tell her as soon as I leave secondary school because then I dont think I'll mind who knows. For now I think I'll tell my cousin who I'm really close too and I know she wont tell anyone. Think I'm a bit weird but I just feel like I want to come out to anyone that will accept me right now or I'll explode but there is too many consequences if I do.
