Ok.. I hope to get some feedback here because I have no one else to talk to anymore. I managed to screw up 2 relationships within only a few days' time. One was my best friend, and the other was a new potential boyfriend. Its too early to tell how much damage has been done, but right now I can't talk to either of them and none of my other friends are close enough. I feel lonely, ashamed, and stupid for making some easily avoided mistakes when I really should have known better. In my best friend's case, I've been crushing on him for the 2 years that I've known him. When we met I was still in the closet. About a year into our friendship I told him I was gay, because I really needed to tell someone, and probably to test if he was too. Of course... he's not. Not even close. But he was still very accepting and even kept my secret for over a year until I was ready to tell people myself. Now.. I've read a lot of internet threads about people in similar situations and the general consensus is always something like, "don't tell him, just be happy with your friendship." And for a long time, I was. But 2 weeks ago something changed. I finally came out to my friends and family. After all the anxiety disappeared, I started to feel like I could tell anyone anything. So I went against my better judgement and told my friend how much I really liked him. I could sense his discomfort, but amazingly he was still okay with it. He said he appreciated the honesty! At first I was overjoyed at the fact that I could be 100% open and honest around him, then things went downhill fast. Since my feelings hadn't subsided at all (if anything they'd intensified), I started to say things to him that I never would have said in the past. I was getting way too flirty and forward and I couldn't stop myself. He never once complained, but I knew if things continued I was going to lose my friend. I sent him an email saying I would give him some space until I was over this crush, and I apologized for my recent actions. The friendship is way too important for me to keep digging that hole any deeper. He sent me a message saying that he understands, and when I do get over it he'll still be my friend... We haven't talked since. The other guy is nowhere near as close, but I'm still attached enough for it to hurt. I met him on Facebook around the same time that I came out, and there was a spark. We got along well enough online, then a week ago I drove to his workplace to see him in person. That, too, went smoothly. So we scheduled another meeting which happened this last Sunday. We watched some TV, cuddled, and things started to get intimate (but we had to stop when his roommate came home.. :eusa_naug ) After that, we went out for lunch and called it a day. I thought we were getting along, but now I'm having doubts. He hasn't texted me since Sunday evening, and only then to retract a prior invitation. (His female friend refused going to a dance if he were to bring me. I didn't mind.) I keep wondering if I did something wrong. In retrospect, I must have tried to set up another meeting at least 5 times with him between lunch on Sunday and Monday afternoon, and he seemed unresponsive to the idea. I haven't tried to make any further contact after I realized how pushy I was being about it. But now it's probably too late. Now he's either ignoring me completely or.. I'm hoping.. just really busy. I know a lot of people will say that meeting people on the internet is a bad idea because most of them are going to be flakes, but this guy seems genuine. At least, I don't think I'm that naive. Even if I am, I know I'll get over it.. it's just so hard to deal with this right now because I don't have any shoulders left to cry on. :tears:
Ok, lots of things to cover with this o.o First off, your best friend seems from what you say to completely be ok with you. Have you tried to talk to him lately? He may just think you still want personal space, as you said that's what you told him. If you haven't, then try to talk to him. I was in a position similar to this once, except it was a girl, and she needed personal time away from me after finding out I was gay, just to get over her crush. So during that time, I was just waiting for her to call and talk, maybe he's doing the same, as you said the last time you talked was him saying he understands that you want some personal space... I'm not like most people. My mom and younger older sister have met great guys online, not everyone is a psychopath that you meet online, in fact, there's probably statistics somewhere online that compare it to an astronomical thing, like being struck by lightning. I've never had a date, so I'm not quite sure how to help on this one, however, it sounds as though he is avoiding you, possibly because his "female friend", is it possible she asked him not to see you again, probably because you guys met online? He could also just be somewhat confused on how he feels about you after the whole cuddling and getting intimate thing, if that's the case, you may want to give him a week or so without any attempts to contact him, just to let him figure it out. If you don't feel that's the case, I don't know what else I could offer as advice, but other EC members probably will have more.
How long ago did all of this take place? I don't have any suggestions for the second person you met online, but I do have a straight friend I have a crush on. I met mine beginning of college (i'm currently a sophomore), and pretty much crushed on him immediately. I came out to him around halfway through freshman year, hoping he'd do the same. He didn't, and I know for a fact now that he is straight. He has been very supportive ever since I came out to him. Well, about halfway through sophomore year, I was talking to him, and I ended up mentioning that I had a crush on him. The thought had been bugging me for a while, so I decided to just tell him. He said he was flattered, but (obviously) wasn't interested. Luckily for me, he's still as supportive as ever. I have made a conscious decision not to flirt with him (i actually don't have the slightest idea how to flirt, so it's not too hard..), because I do value my friendship with him. I would kind of equate it to, I dislike when girls flirt with me, in general. I would hate it if they did it, knowing that I was gay. I'm still deeply in love with him, but I make sure I control my feelings around him. For your friend, just make sure you give him space. Give him maybe a week or two to think about everything, then try approaching him again. Tell him what you've told us, that you know you were flirting with him, you think it made him uncomfortable, and let him know that you won't do it again (and I would suggest not doing it, if you do want him as a friend). I might also ask him about his feelings of the whole situation. Best of luck with both people!
well- for the first guy- if he says he'll be your friend, he'll be your friend, y'know? he wouldn't lie to you during this time- i don't know him, but still. secondly, i really don't know what to say about the online friend, but you can only wait and see, y'know? (i have a really bad habit of adding "y'know" to the end of most sentences i write- i also say it a lot")
Hi! Welcome to EC. I have to agree... your friend sounds like they are still your friend. Make the effort to reach out to them, but just don't mention the whold crush thing. Just talk about stuff that you would have talked about before and leave it at that. You'll get back to 'normal' with him I'm sure before long. The other guy... well... people aren't always as they seem, and you're really 'new' to this whole 'dating other guys' thing - I'd say that you need to just chalk it up to experience and move on. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong - he just wan't as 'in' to you as you were to him. It might take a while to find that special someone. But you will. Again - welcome to EC.
