I am a college student and I have a 35 year old roommate that outed me to my mom. I am sending my mom a coming out letter. (My mom found the room in the first place and has contact with my roommate.) I brought my boyfriend over for the night because my roommate is never home 95% of the time. My roommate came home while we were in bed (no sex) and I had to lock the room while we put on our clothes. My roommate caught on as he saw hickies on my neck and my boyfriend semi-said hi. We thought he would not be homophobic. Turns out I was wrong... My mom called me the next day. My roommate told her that I broke his TV (which is a lie because I never touched his TV) in order to get to the bigger problem, I had my boyfriend over. My mom asked me "if I was gay"? Right then and there, I hung up and started shaking uncontrollably. I have been staying with my wonderful friends in their dorm for the past two days. Yesterday, I called my mom to continue our conversation. I had wanted to tell her I was gay, but apparently her denial about me was worse than I imagined and I didn't want to hurt her. I denied her suspicion that I was gay. I have been very stressed and sad for the entire week. I worry about my mom more than anything right now. I have decided to write her a coming out letter because I believe this is the most pragmatic approach to such a strange and messy situation such as this. ("Me" is mom in Vietnamese) Me, I will see you once I return from Florida. Me, I am gay. He is my boyfriend. I did not have sex with him. I just want to let you know that I love you, even though we don’t say it very often. You are my inspiration. I thought you have already known I was gay. I would you tell in person, but this situation is very messy. I would have told you over the phone, I was afraid, and I know you were afraid, too. I have known I was gay for a long time. It is funny because I think everyone knew before I did. Brian, Lindsay, friends, people at chua…have at some point told me I was gay. They were just joking around, I was always hurt, but I think we all knew it was true. In the past, I have tried very hard to like girls. I dated Tiffany Lee (the girl studying in Hawaii), but after a short time, I realized I was hurting her more than liking her. She was the first person I told. She is now my best friend. I have accepted myself for who I am. Its unchangeable. But I am now the happiest in my life. I know who I am, and who I want to become and I have a lot of supportive friends. I would like to have supportive parents too. I hope to continue be your son. I have not changed; I don’t want anything to change. I wish I had a better opportunity to tell you that I am gay. I love you. Your son, -Peter. If you have time… PFLAG Phoenix: For Parents of Gay Children -- Can We Understand? Our Families: LGBT Asian and Pacific Islander Stories - YouTube (What Mr. Tin said about me is true. What he said about the TV is not true. He wants to kick me out as soon as possible so that he can save money and live with his girlfriend. This was all a good reason to find a way to make me leave.) Thank you for listening to me empty closet. I will keep yall updated!
hey buddy, i'm sorry to burst your bubbles but this really might not end so hot. i'm vietnamese too, and i'm an immigrant. if your parents still hold onto old vietnamese cultural values, this may not end so well. i was lucky to have in denial parents, who at best, kindly told me that i was a freak. i'm not quite sure how yours will end up, but unless they're very liberal, i can only say from experience that this will not end well. i just wanted to prepare you beforehand.
Haha thanks for the realistic feedback! I have built my support network for the past few days, and if it all ends bad, I will still find a way to be in college!!! (Haha, my dad's side of the family are hardcore Buddhist monks...good god)
well that's good! you seem to be set then. assuming your parents don't end up approving and even disown you, what will you die? most vietnamese people are really close to family, myself included, so what will you do emotionally? i think you should prepare for that as well.
Truthfully, I'm more worried about my only other sibling, my younger brother (who I am confident is also gay)...
sorry this is such a late reply. make sure that he never comes out until he is in a good position is all i can say. i think the older members with more experience on this on EC could give you better advice.
I don't know if I should bother knowing what race your roommate is, but sounds like college drama. does your uni have like, counseling center? lgbt center? you could talk to them too...
That is a scary thought. I, too, am Vietnamese and had only recently started to come out to people. I can't imagine what it would be like if my parents found out. Haha kind of random but how did she react when you hung up on her? Best of luck to you though, and keep us posted on what happens. I would like know how your mother reacts, because I'm in the process of thinking about coming out to my parents, but am really scared.
wow i thought only hawaiians were strict on culture values and being gay etc... i like the letter you wrote your mom though... your room mate needs a good hiding... (excuse me.. i have this thing of beating up people who piss me off..im working on it...) Good Luck
Update guys! My mom responded to my coming out letter through e-mail and IT IS GOOD I love my mom! I sat in the cafeteria and started crying! She wrote it in entirely in Vietnamese to preserve the wholeness and essence of her message which I thought was a very nice touch! I am mostly surprised that my mom already knew about my brother being gay! But she didn't know I was! What a surprise!
I'm glad to hear that she took your letter well! A good ending to a bad situation. I hope that you can get things sorted with your roommate (or find other living arrangements).
Oh, good! Congratulations on coming out to your mom! It sounds like she may have realized that your brother was gay some time ago, and gone through whatever process she needed to in order to accept that--and now she can accept you too. That's really great. It's so wonderful when parents can be supportive of their children.
You are very lucky in having such a good Mum. But what a surprise about your younger brother! I am not certain what you can do about your room mate. Are you able to change rooms with anyone else mid term?
Thank you for all of the support ec! Much appreciated ^_^! I think I will be crashing my friend's dorm for the rest of the semester and I'll pay them some rent for sharing the space!
what did your mom say? or is that too personal? i just want to know how moms react coz id like to tell my old lady one day too....
After reading this thread and seeing your update that your mom was fine with it I just had a breath of relief haha! I'm so glad that everything worked out for you!!
