So far I've only told two friends, my brothers, and my cousin. So far my coming out experience has been good, even with one of my friend who is extremely religious, I thought she would feel weird about it, but instead she was extremely supportive. But anyways, one of my brother told me that I should come out to our mom soon, especially since he thinks it will be better I tell them sooner when I still live at home so they can have time to think about it and hopefully accept me, rather than later when I move out and probably have a strained relationship with them. It's weird though because so far, everything has turned out just fine for me, so I feel like I want to tell my parents pretty soon. The only thing that scares me is whether my parents will accept me or not. My mom is not too conservative, she's very adaptive, but she still hold certain views on things. I have a feeling she will eventually come to terms with me being gay, because she is really loving, but at the same time I'm really scared that I might be wrong. She has suspected that I was gay for quite sometime now, but I think she is in denial right now. A few years ago, she would always tell me not to like boys because it's weird and not natural. And whenever she saw me, she would always tell me being gay is wrong and scary. But I think it's because she doesn't understand the whole thing about being gay, especially because she grew up in Vietnam. I feel that if I explain to her that I didn't choose to be gay and educate her than she will eventually accept it. I feel this way because my brother and I have done a lot of stuff that causes them trouble in the past, but in the end they still love us and support us when we need them, and I feel like this will be no different. So would it be a good idea to let them know now while I still live with them? Or should I wait until I move out? What has been your experiences in coming out to your parents? Good or bad?
If you think there`s a chance that they`ll react so badly that they`ll make your life hard, cut you off from financial aid, or throw you out of the house, then I would wait until you are no longer dependent on them. However, if you feel your mother would never actually "punish" you for coming out to her in any of these ways, then I would do it now, while you are still close and can work through it together. Having a good conversation about it would definitely help. If you do choose to tell her now, try to be a bit gentle, but honest. Don`t get upset if her reaction isn`t positive straight away, because a lot of parents need time to work through and adjust to it. She might need time before she`s able to accept it. What you could do is write a letter to her, there are some good examples to look at here Empty Closets - Coming Out Letters where you explain to her that you have finally come to terms with this, and you understand it if she needs time, but that if you get her acceptance and love it would mean the world to you. In such a letter you can also sneak in small bits of information, like it never having been a choice for you. You could also put in some resource links PFLAG: Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays at the back of the letter, or add a note to put next to it. Then she has a choice to look it up and get some more information. A letter like that will most likely make her come to you to talk about it, and she might have some negative things to say, like not believing that it is not a choice. Then you can try to calmly ask her if she ever choose to be straight, and tell her that if you could choose, you probably would have chosen to be straight because that sure is easier. Tell her you understand that she`s upset, and that you love her. If we meet people with empathy and understanding, we are more likely to get it back. Now after all of this, chances are your mother will deal with it in her own way, and manage just fine. We have a tendency of imagining things worse than they actually turn out, so don`t let your fear stop you from being honest with your family. You have already come quite far by coming out to your siblings, so be proud of that! *big hug* Let us know how it goes. We`re here for you!
If you'd like to do it in person, you might consider asking your brother to be there with you to "have your back". It might be helpful to have somebody supportive in the room with you at the time. A letter is also a good way, as it gives you a chance to say everything you want to say. Lex
