I'm terrible with understanding dudes when it comes to flirtation. Half the time I just assume they're goofing off and try not to get caught up in all of it, but recently my lack of observational skills has sent me spiraling into a pit of no return between three heterosexual dudes, and I'm not into guys. (/Awk.) Furthermore, I am way far back in the closet. This last week, two of the said hetero's asked me out on the same flippin' day. And my panicked response to both of them was a general "Oh, ya know, maybe- gotta think about it." (//shot) Feel like a terrible person... :eusa_doh: I've delt with this before with one other dude, but he was easy to shake off because he was clingy and, quite frankly, a little creepy- and there was no way I was going to mention not liking guys at the time because I was still trying to figure myself out. The problem is that these are all extremely nice, awesome guys. I can't really think of anything to call them out for as not being viable partners in a relationship- it's really just me. I feel terrible because (well, first off, they could be doing WAY better then me) I'm wasting their time and I guess I'm leading them on, but I don't know how to let them down without either making something up or just coming out completely. Damn being closeted. >.< So, what are you supposed to do if a guy asks you out and you're not into guys?
The best way, IMO, would be to politely tell them that you are not interested. You don't have to explain why. Perhaps you can just say that they are not your type and change the subject. There is no shame in turning people down if you don't want to go out with them, but your attitude in turning them down makes all the difference. Don't say that they could be doing better than you, though. It is good to be realistic, but you are insulting yourself in this case.
Feel free to keep it all on you then. All you have to say is "I've decided I'm not going to date anybody at all for the time being, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline." If they want to know why, you can just be vague. "I've just decided I don't want to date at all until I feel more comfortable with the whole idea." Lex
Alright, thanks you guys! ^.^ Now that I think about it, those really are the most logical solutions aren't they... (I swear the SAT fried my brain :/ I can seem to problem solve anything now unless it's written down on paper. (╬≖_≖) ) Kind of worried I'm going to completely screw up- like 461 467 said, it's your attitude in turning them down makes all the difference, and I'm a nervous introvert that has problems approaching people xD/>~< Anyway, both of those suggestions are worth a try. Thanks again! :3 ---------- Post added 10th Mar 2013 at 11:11 AM ---------- Aye, but I'm afraid it's a sad truth >~<
I had a similar experience with a girl at my school. I had noticed she seemed to like me because she was always looking at me. One evening while I was at the computer she came to my apartment and she asked me to sit down on the sofa with her. I did so and I knew from the moment she came home to me to the moment she said she liked me that she was there to tell me so. It was super awkward for me. I just sat there and was like, "I like you as a friend, I just don't have any feelings like that for you". I was so uncomfortable until she left, and when she did I just sat down and was like... Wtf am I gonna do. About an hour later she came back dressed in her night clothes, and I had to open the door. This time it was even more awkward, and she wanted to know exactly why I didn't like her. I told her the same thing and well... really awkward and painful for me. Of course I couldn't tell her I was gay. This was last fall when I was still kinda in denial of me being gay. I knew I was, I just hated myself because of it. So it was really hard for me to talk to her. Anyways. Until you are ready to come out, just do your best to avoid them, or tell them you like someone else, but that you can't tell them who. Unfortunately you will have to lie unless you want to come out of the closet. It sucks, but hey, you will get over it.
I'm in a similar situation myself. Well sort of. I'm a completely closeted trans guy who is currently questioning if I even like men. I really think I do, but even if I do at this point any guys who would like me would be straight (or bi) because I'm still passing as a girl. I met a male friend of a friend last week who has a lot of similar interests as me. It was a group of friends hanging out and we pretty much just talked to eachother for 2-3 hours. I gave him my number at some point and as we were leaving he said he would text me later, in a slightly flirty way. I said ok. We've been texting daily since then. He asked me out on what I think was a date the other night and that went ok. I just don't know where this is going. I know I don't really feel anything towards him, at all. But maybe its just him and not men in general. Who knows. Sorry to vent about myself there, I just figured I'd give a little background as to why I can relate. My advice would be to either nicely decline saying he's not your type or you're not interested in a relationship right now. OR, if you really trust him and are comfortable with telling him, you could come out to him privately. That would probably be best considering his feelings, but what's most important here is that YOU are comfortable with what you choose. Good luck
Dude, that's awful D: She could've at least left you alone for a while (at least more then an hour!) after that. Good for you to handle it fairly well though! ^.^ I do already try to avoid these guys (with 2 of them it's easy), but the third is someone I work closely with in a group on school film projects. I'd change groups, but currently mine is one of the better ones in the class and I do a lot of the cinematography and editing for them. I don't think I could get an A in the class without a solid group (which is what I'm part of currently), and considering that film is something I want to study in college, I don't want to risk that grade drop... Guess I'll prepare for an awkward rest of the year then! xD
Just go with your heart-gut! One thing I tried (and I have no idea if this is actually accurate or backed by a theory or conclusion of any sort) was just watching how my eyes dilated in a mirror when I thought about being with a dude or a chick. Supposedly, when your eyes dilate and the pupils become larger when you look at someone, that means you're interested in them (sexually or otherwise). Flipside: when you don't like someone and find them unattractive, pupils constrict. I don't know how valid this test is. When I tried it, (Well, I played around with it for a bit because it's fun to watch x3) there was a little change, but it was hard to tell. I'm pretty sure my pupils were constricting the more I thought about men, but with girls it was all over the place. xD Just to test it out, I thought about this girl I knew I had feelings for and had been crushing on for a few years now- I didn't even know pupils could GET that large O.O / xD I think there's something to it, but again, I don't know how much ^.^ Anyway, I completely understand where you're coming from! :3 And thanks for the advice! I agree that coming out to him (or either, or all three of them) privately would be the best option if feelings were kept in mind, but I don't quite trust any of them enough. Plus, I don't really want to have the first people I come out to be guys I'm letting down, ya know? I don't think it would be right to tell them first and not my closest friends.
Yeah, kinda was a bit selfish of her to demand a reason as to why I couldn't be with her. Even worse though, was that she wrote about me in her diary, which one of my guy friends got his hands on. He of course saw my name in the diary and had to be on me about it all the time, saying I should totally go for it. Didn't exactly make things better. Anyways, that's completely right. Don't put your grades in jeopardy. Just do your best to stay neutral with him as long as you are working together. Best of luck :icon_wink
I have the same thing happening with me. I started at my current job back in October of last year and everything was going pretty well but then this girl started working there 1 month later. I didnt realize, until one of my coworkers brought it to my attention, she was flirting with me. Apparently she would make her way to where I worked (electronics section FTW) to bring me items and ONLY me. Literally she would want to walk the item from the otherside of the store just to see me (I still hadnt noticed until coworker said something) and then I realized oh shit. So close to the end of Nov she found me on facebook ( more like looked at my name on schedule) and then proceeded to get my number (from Facebook) and start chatting me up. She is still not letting up and wants to hang out ALL THE TIME. Great news is that she is leaving this job soon. Also while im at it, she one day asked if I was gay because she was confused about me and I told her "What do you think I am?" She then says "Yea I dont think you are gay" She is also grabbed my ass a couple of times.
this happens all the time ... i say "im not ready for a committed relationship at this stage" i feel bad but then i get over it...
Aw man- well at least she'll be leaving soon, so no more ass-grabbing. ;D Hopefully you two will hopefully just 'casually drop out of touch' and she won't pester/stalk you more out of work. Dang- I actually wish people would ask me about my orientation because I can't get the confidence to tell them myself xD If I'd been in your shoes, I probably would've told her right then and there that I was gay! ---------- Post added 16th Mar 2013 at 12:21 PM ---------- Actually, the other day in my video class we had groups pitching ideas for the next project (a choice of a comedy or horror), and one group was creating a gay comedy (and at first I was seriously unamused by the whole thing, but the writer for their script must either know a lot of LBGTQ people or have come out himself, because even I ended up finding it pretty funny xD). One of the heterosexual guys that had asked me out previously was standing right next to me and after the group had finished pitching their ideas, the teacher was asking if we thought it would be offensive to any homosexual people, and I piped up and said that I wasn't offended. xD Most of the class laughed and I wasn't exactly questioned about it, but if that doesn't get the message across to the guy (I've heavily implied around him that I wasn't strait before- hence why I think no one in my class questioned me xD) I don't know what will. :/
