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How do you know if you're ready to come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by FeministFemme97, Mar 10, 2013.

  1. Hi.
    I feel a bit dumb about asking this, but I feel like I have to.
    I'm fifteen years old and have known that I'm a Lesbian for about six months now. Nobody knows yet, but I hate lying to them.
    Here's the weird thing. I know that all my family and friends will be fine with it, none of them are bigoted, but I still get so nervous when I think of coming out. My main issue is that I'm scared people at school will treat me differently (I go to an all girls school-connect the dots)
    What I'm really asking you all is how did you know you were ready?
    Thanks xx
     
  2. LEZmis4

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    I had to in order to breathe again. I felt completely suffocated and boxed in...and I couldn't see any way out. I was tired of lying and hiding, and I needed to just be able to be me. It was scary, and nerve-wrecking...and I"m still struggling with some of it...but I feel better now that people know who I am, and I don't have to hide/lie.
     
  3. Ailurophile

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    Try telling one friend that you trust and know will be supportive. Build a little support group just in case. I know that for me, it has been a lot easier knowing that there are people who love me no matter what. If anyone else has a problem with it, that's their loss.

    I knew I was ready when I started college and just wanted to be myself. I was so sick of keeping everything inside. The process has taken time and it's still ongoing but it feels amazing.
     
  4. Smash14

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    I'm not completely out yet, so I may not be the best person to offer up advice.
    I have however told a few people that I trust (as mentioned in the above post), and even in just doing that it lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders.

    So far everybody's reaction has been positive, which has really helped me come to a point where I feel ready to tell my parents.

    I think you know that you are ready when you can visualize yourself telling the person(s), and not having an uncomfortable/hesitant feeling, but rather a feeling of confidence and hope.
     
  5. Ianthe

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    I think Ailurophile has the right idea. The best thing isn't to worry about coming out completely all at once. Rather, just worry about telling one person at a time at first. It's really unhealthy to have an enormous secret, so if there is one person you can feel safe telling, that would be a good idea.

    It's always scary coming out, even when we know people will be accepting. I don't think it's a good idea to wait until you are "completely comfortable," because I think you are unlikely to be completely comfortable for your first coming out, no matter how long you wait. The only thing that really makes you more comfortable is actually telling someone safe and being accepted.

    So, choose someone trustworthy that you know will accept you, and just start by telling that one person. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Slytherin

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    I'm not completely out yet, but I think you should probably tell one of your parents before they find out some way you don't want them to. My mom went through my phone and found out because she found my texts with my girlfriend. I really wish I had just told her instead of her finding out this way. Nothing bad happened, but i was just really awkward.
     
  7. clockworkfox

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    My friend and her mom suggested I come out to my parents first, because the biggest fight they ever had happened when her mom found out she was the only one that didn't know her daughter was gay.

    I'm still in the process of coming out, though, and I'm just not ready to talk with my parents quite yet. I'm still afraid I'll worry or disappoint them, or they'll just think I'm being difficult (yes, even at 22 this is a legitimate concern - I have nowhere else to go, so).

    When I first came out, it was to my best friend. It was a lot of venting, actually, and she was very supportive. The second person I told because it still felt suffocating. The next day, I told another friend. These two experiences had me convinced that I needed to say something more than what I've been saying. I needed to explain myself, have reasons, evidence to support my claims. They were still supportive, but they were curious. They couldn't connect the dots. How do I explain something like this, though? And how do I do it convincingly? This put me off coming out for a while, but not too long ago I finally came out to my sister. Again, because it felt suffocating. I did it over text, and she was totally cool with it. Didn't ask any deep questions or anything.

    I'm really starting to wish there were a quicker, easier way to come out.