Hey peoples, So, basically, I'll cut to the chase: I just came out to my best friend a few hours ago, and right now I am regretting it. :eusa_doh: I told him over note, and told him to tell NO-ONE. He says that it's OK, and I trust him with it. His reaction was mixed, as far as I know, since I left him to think about it. He make a noise of suprise and shock (as in "I did not see that coming!" kind of shock) I felt kind of crappy and out of it, like I was going to throw up, since it was quite hard. :dead: (You know what I meen by that) I'm not entirely sure how he took it, but I'll keep you guys updated! Will these feelings go away? Did I do the right thing? I need answers quick! :help: Feel free to ask any questions!
Only time will tell, it's bound to be a shock at first, but he may surprise you, he didn't say anything bad & he did say it was Ok, a best friend should stick with you through the thick & thin, that's the difference with a friend & a best friend :icon_bigg
So the best thing is that it's a Monday! I came out to someone (one of the first people I came out to) on a Friday, and I went the whole weekend not knowing what he thought or how he was going to handle it. It was awful. I came out to one of my best friends a few months ago, and he was kind of annoyed and shocked at first. It was unexpected. But what really helped clear it up was when I spoke to him on Facebook chat that night. Over chat, he was able to ask loads of awkward questions he wasn't comfortable asking in person, and I was able to answer the kind of questions which are hard to answer in real life. Maybe you could try texting him to ask him if he has any questions? Or trying the same thing over Facebook chat? I could try and make rash judgements about how he's either going to be accepting or difficult in relation to this based on what you've said, but there isn't a lot to go on. Everything so far seems typical of someone who is shocked; it's hard to know what way it will go. But in all likelihood, given that you live in the U.K. and he's your best friend and you're both young, the chances are that he will be accepting. I presume you will see him tomorrow, right? ---------- Post added 11th Mar 2013 at 08:36 PM ---------- EDIT: And to answer the question in your title: I don't think it's ever a bad idea to come out to your best friend. Very quickly, you'll learn if he's a true best friend or not. (There are obviously situations where it may be a bad idea to come out, especially to your parents if you suspect a bad reaction and are overly dependent on them, etc.)
Thanks for the help! I think I'll try facebook. It's a bit easier that way. Oh, and like I said, feel free to ask any questions, I don't mind I'm just a little worried and I just wanted to think about what could happen considering what happened to other people. So therer is probably a lot of threads like this.
I think you did. If you felt like you were ready, then that's all that matters! Good for you for coming out. I know it's not easy, but we must start somewhere. We're all in this together! Keep us posted
UPDATE: Well, that was.... suprising. And annoying. At first he must've thought it was a joke or something, coz he said nothing about it, but then I told him it was true, and asked how he was going to treat me. He didn't say exactly how, and I wasn't going to push him to tell me. But I found out that he is kind of homophobic. (which I did not expect at all) He says that everyones normal and only gay if they kiss someone of the same sex. (which makes no sense at all) He doesn't want to talk about it, which I get. So far there have been no changes at all (that I know of...) Anyway, he seemed pretty worked up and unsure, so to ease the weight I told him that I was bisexual. I "proved" it by reminding him about a girl that I "liked" (a few years ago, for a joke). Now he won't stop trying to ask out the girl for me, and its so annoying! :tantrum: I said "at all" to much. LOL I wonder how this is going to play out... He usually forgets things quickly... ---------- Post added 12th Mar 2013 at 05:43 PM ---------- Oh I almost forgot, He says that to "prevent this from happening", I need to ask the girl out, and that you can change sexuality from gay to straight. He believes that you "can" be born gay, though. I guess this is a start...
I think it was a terrible idea to pretend that you are actually bisexual, because you're not. It doesn't make sense. In that way, you've one foot in the closet and one foot out of it when it comes to your best friend. The reason he'll probably be accepting now is because he's going to think you are bisexual, and will block out the "gay" part of you, hoping that you'll zero in on girls. I don't think you've achieved much, here, if I'm being honest! You should have just left him get worked up about it — that's bound to happen. He probably would have gotten over it. I would properly come out to him, and you just need to give him time to adjust to it. He probably will, and if he doesn't and is really homophobic, then he really wasn't the greatest friend in the first place. My best friend was very homophobic before I came out to him, and comes from a country where gay people are not acceptable in the slightest. But because we were such good friends, he was able to recognise it and come around. You should expect your friend to do the same if he's really your "best" friend.
I agree with TwoMethod - by "retracting" your statement and saying that you're bi, you've gone back in the closet. Eventually, you're going to have a boyfriend, and will have to come out to him completely and authentically. I think he'll eventually come around. You just need to stand firm in that you aren't "broken", there's nothing that you can do to change your orientation (and make sure that you believe that yourself - because it's true!), and that you'll be who you are, with or without him. IMO, a friend that doesn't understand and support you is not the kind of person that you want in your life.
Thanks for the honesty! I guess that it was just the nerves that made me do that... I feel really stupid and angry at myself now. I've got to make things right.
Well I talked to him, and he completly understands why I lied, and says that he would do the same as well. Although, he did say that when I told him, he felt pissed... But oh well! I'm happy now! Nothing has changed, but he doesn't want to talk about it...
That's probably the best that you could hope for at this point from him - I'm glad things are going well! Like I said, I'm pretty sure that he'll eventually come around.
Thanks for appreciating my honesty. Has he flat-out said that he doesn't want to talk about it? Or as in, it just gets really awkward and he changes the topic?
