Hello. I don't come on here much but I've asked my friends for advice on this and I've been getting mixed advice so I thought I'd ask here as well. I'm openly gay to all my friends, I have a bisexual friend who I'll call Chris. I really fancy him, so much so that I think I'm in love with him. I've liked him since I first saw him nearly 8 months ago, and I think about him all the time. I told him I fancied him and he said he thought I was a wicked guy and attractive but he doesn't feel the same. I then got drunk one night and told him I just want to have sex with him. He said he would as well but because I used to fancy him, he'd feel like a slag. Anyway we became really good friends, and we've gotten a lot closer and stuff, and I'd now consider him one of my best friends. Anyway, what complicates things is that he is in love with my other best friend who is straight. And the other night, he went to a party and got drunk and was about to have sex with a girl, but he couldn't get an erection because he couldn't stop thinking about my friend. Now the reason I'm stuck in the middle is because Chris doesn't realise how much I like him, but he talks to me all the time about the guys he thinks are hot and how much he likes my friend. After the no erection fiasco, he phoned me up, drunk, and started telling me about how much he loves my friend. I, of course, being the good friend that I am, tried to console him, but it's hard for me because I like Chris so much. It's difficult for me to say anything because I'm always going to give a biased opinion whether I want to or now, because I want Chris. I stayed up until about 2am last night talking to my friend that he fancies, and we talked a lot about how nothing will ever happen between them because they're just friends and my friend is straight. But I just don't know what to do because at the risk of sounding cliche, it breaks my heart every time he talks about someone else. I just need advice and need to know what other people make of this situation. Thankyou.
One of these days, I'm going to understand the "I can't have sex with you because you fancy me" argument. I mean, isn't that who you WANT to have sex with? People who want to have sex with you? "No, I'm waiting for a guy who has no interest in having sex with me - THAT's who I want to sleep with." If you want the talk to stop, you're going to have a talk with him yourself. Tell him, "Look, I appreciate what you're going through. More than you know. I also had a guy I really wanted to have sex with, and he turned me down. And the more you talk about it, the more I remember it. I want to be supportive, really. But it's tough hearing you talk like this when I'm not over my own crush, you know?" Say it calmly, in a friendly manner. He should understand. Lex
Ideally, I'd like the talk to continue. I'd like to be able to talk to him about his problems without me feeling jealous or angry. I'm glad you understand me, because I don't understand why he won't have sex with me. We've talked about it enough, he's flirted with me enough, he's told me I'm good looking, we've had moments, I catch him staring at me, I know for definite he means it when he says he's attracted to me, but I think the only reason he won't is because he's hung up on my friend. That little speech you said I should say to him, he knows I fancy/fancied him, so am I supposed to imply that he is the crush I need to get over? I will definitley tell him the first thing you said though because I whole heartedly agree. He finds me attractive, I dig him, what has he got to lose? He did tell me he didn't want to risk getting attatched, but if he does get attatched, I feel the same way so it's not as if either of us has got anything to lose. And I'm not just saying this because I want it to happen, but also because it's true, if he did get attatched to me, it'd help him get over my friend, and it'd help me because I'd have what I want. Everyone wins. Thankyou by the way. I'm one of those annoying people that has to have advice on everything and listens to logic ALL the time. I always have to think about every possible outcome before I ever do anything big, so having advice means the world to me lol. And whats worse is that just as he phoned me the other night, I was just about to come out to my mum haha. Ruined my plans for the night!
>>>And whats worse is that just as he phoned me the other night, I was just about to come out to my mum haha. Ruined my plans for the night! Then he, more than anyone, should understand "I'm about to come out to my Mom. Now's not a good time." His issues don't take precedence over yours. >>>Everyone wins. Not necessarily. Sex has a way of adding a new dynamic to a friendship/relationship that wasn't there before. What if you ended up really REALLY enjoying it...but he didn't? Or vice versa? I don't want to argue against friends boinking, but I do want people to be aware of the potential hazards. I do think you should get your relationship sorted out with him. Tell him yes, you still fancy him, and all signs point to him fancying you. So can you have sex already? Here's the tough part - tell him you're aware that there's a chance he still won't want to have sex with you, for a variety of reasons. And if that's the case - WHATEVER THE REASON - you'll be cool with it. You'll accept it. And you won't keep harrassing him about it. I see a lot of gay guys in the spot. They're in a sort of limbo. "Maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't, but I'd rather not know if it won't ever happen." It seems we'd rather live in a state of "maybe" than know for sure it isn't going to happen. The problem is - it's hard to move on to better prospects when we're waiting around for maybes that never come to pass. So suck it up. Let him know. And whatever his answer, accept it. Lex
So the best thing I can do is just tell him he can't leave me hanging and I need a definitive answer? I guess you're right, and if he says no, I know I'll probably be upset but I agree I do need to just get all my cards on the table, we both need to know where eachother stands and we need to stop messing eachother about. And if he does say no, nobody can predict the future right? He might say no for now but who knows what can happen.
>>>And if he does say no, nobody can predict the future right? He might say no for now but who knows what can happen. Technically, yes, but please please PLEASE don't live your life waiting for that. The entire point of having the talk is to get beyond the stage of playing "what if". If he says no, sure, he may change his mind in the future. But until HE comes to YOU and says so, you have to operate on the assumption that he doesn't want to have sex with you (for whatever reason), and that won't change. At that point, he becomes BFF material, but it's time to stop mooning over him and start moving on. Lex
Well I spoke to him, and he told me he wasn't leading me on, and that he does like me, and he would... Why is nothing happening? I caught him staring at me like 5 times today as well. So I believe him. I've never really been in this situation before so what should I do? He said "We should go to a party soon" implying get drunk and have sex, but to be honest, I don't want it to be a drunken thing. But at the risk of sounding slutty, I don't mind if it is either... Why is he saying he likes me, saying he would have sex with me, knows I feel the same yet not doing anything?
wow, i mean i have seen this is a movie once....YES it's all comming back to me now! lol ok. i say it would be great to have ur best friend who is also ur crush be with u however dear, statisticaly most people who get into a sexual relationship with their friends usually separate after the period; and i doubt that's how u want to end ur friendship. fact that he said "i can't have sex with u because u fancy me" i am getting the sence he waanted casual sex but he knew if he did have sex with u...it would eventually mean more.. ...:dry: i may be wrong. further more. i say keep ebing supportive and advise him. i mean he has a crush on a straihgt guy right? support him while he disapoints himself. he will remember how much u love him and supported him thrugout this frenzi and never gave up on him when he was being pathetic....well if i am allowed to put it that way :lol: trust me. it will work out in the end for the best. and hey, we r young and fresh. lots can happen in a few months time
Ahaha, I suppose you're right. But I've spoken to him about it a few times and I'm worried he's sick of hearing about it or something. I don't want to put him off. And sexyalex, thanks for the advice. I will continue to be supportive and do what you daid
