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Are you always certain about your sexuality?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Laura27, Mar 13, 2013.

  1. Laura27

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    Hello people,

    I hope there are people who can relate to my story or give me some advice. This is a problem that I keep facing whenever I try to accept myself or whenever I want to come out to more people. :help:

    I identify as a lesbian. I am currently dating a girl. I don't experience much attraction towards guys. Of course I feel love for some men (a brother-like-friendship-love), but I never think about them in 'that' way. Sometimes I fantasize about how it would be like if I would be in a relationship with a man, but I just cannot cope with the intimacy.

    Most of the time I am quite comfortable with the idea of being a lesbian. However, sometimes, I start doubting. I am a doubter; always in doubt and worrying. I am afraid that this is a phase that I will look back to when I'm -let's say- in my thirties, and then just shake my head. Or that, as soon as I come out to my friends, I somehow fall in love with a guy. That will just tear apart everything that I have worried about for years!! :dead:

    To put it briefly: I feel very gay. I don't fancy men. But I am afraid that as soon as I come out to everyone, my feelings change and that I have been through all this for nothing. That it was a phase that lasted 10 years or something. Or that I unconsciously have made myself believe that I am queer. It doesn't even make sense!

    Are there people who have experienced/are experiencing the same? And how did you cope/are you coping with that? Or were you comfortable with your sexuality and certain enough to yell it from the roof and to destroy the closet?

    Many thanks for reading this!
     
  2. Kay

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    I think some peoples sexuality can change or they can have attractions which may not seem to fit. You are currently dating a girl. I think this says a lot added with you don't fancy men.
    If you come out as lesbian and at some point end up other than that what difference does it make in the large scheme of things. At the time you made the statement you felt very lesbian. I doubt that you are going to climb the fence to the other side. i would not worry and just be lesbian and see how it fits over time. Hugs dear. I hope this helps. My goodness you have lovely hair hugs.
     
  3. Laura27

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    Thanks for your reaction (and the compliment!). And yes, deep down I know it doesn't make a difference! I just think too much about how society will view me because it's kind of hard too see things in perspective. One step at the time I guess, because I can also see it's the only way to a happy life :slight_smile:
     
  4. Kay

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    I am so so sure society will be any harsher because you find your sexuality different that what you say it is at this moment. I can see how you want to be sure before you really take that step in full. You said it "one step" is the way to a happy life.
    You are welcome for the compliment sweetie.
     
  5. June Cleaver

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    When you FEAR something, just keep this in mind False Evedence Appearing Real is all fear is. It is sad that most of us get heald back by simple fears that never were a real problem and how much life is missed. We only get this life once and before you know it you will be 40 like me. I met Mike at 40 and he is the first man I have been with who is proud to say I am his. It is real nice not to always be on gard and not having everyone tring to fix him or me up with potential wives. Or having a BF who is always hitting on girls in front of me to appear straight still. Basicly not to be living a lie.... You will have to figure out what is best! June
     
  6. Chloe

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    Like the others said, it doesn't have to be a problem if you discover a different sexuality later. Plus, it's unlikely to get sprung upon you suddenly and unwillingly. I found it challenging because I was happy being a lesbian for many years and wouldn't have considered men if I had thought I had a reasonable chance of finding a compatible female partner. I sometimes think I should have been more patient. Other than not wanting to be perceived by others as straight, I'm not concerned about what people think or how I define and feel about myself because I'm with a man now. Whether I was just in a phase or an undiscovered bisexual, or something else doesn't matter.