Hi, So basically I've decided that I want to come out to my friends over the next couple of weeks. I think the main reason I've come to this decision is that my best friend (to which all my closest friends are mutual) came out recently and the reaction he received was way more positive that I would ever have thought. I always assumed the reaction would be more negative as I'm from the South Wales valleys which isn't the most forward of communities. No one knows I'm gay and I'm not overly effeminate so I don't think many people would have guessed. The only thing is I'm worried that coming out so recently after my friend (he only came out over Christmas) would be overpowering to them as even though they reacted positively they are still reeling from the surprise and they haven't stopped talking about it since he came out. The last thing I want to do is come out too soon after my friend and cause a negative reaction because too much is happening at once. I was planning to tell my friend who recently came out when he comes back from uni in a week. Sorry it's so long winded but I was just wondering what people's views would be on the situation. Any thoughts?
Tell the friend who just came out for sure. "What you did was really inspiring and made me realize…blah blah blah…" But wait for everyone else for at least two months, unless you know them well enough to think you can predict their reaction.
Thanks for the advice. Just came out to my gay friend and he was really supportive like I knew he would be. Pretty happy about the whole situation at the moment to be honest. He seemed to think it was a good idea to tell the rest of my friends but I think I'll give it a little longer until they're a bit more settled about his news. I have decided that I'm going to tell my bisexual friend from uni next as I think she will be pretty positive about it too.
Definitely - talk to the friend who came out. Then, see what he's feeling. There's a lot of situations that could happen. I'd wait to tell others - a lot of people will probably think you are an item. So, just give it time!
I don't get why some people question whether they should come out to a friend who is already out of the closet. Why wouldn't they accept it if they're the same or similar, and they experienced similar struggles in the realization that they are not straight? I don't have any gay friends that are out of the closet, so I guess I don't understand the situation, but that's just my opinion.
I had no worries about telling my gay friend, I've told him now and he's fine with it as I knew he would be. The worries I have are about telling my other straight friends. I'm just worried that telling them now would be too much for them seeing as he only came out over Christmas.
I'm kind of in a similar place to you. I have a friend who came out to people in different groupings, and he came out to me and other friends around 6 months ago. I've been thinking about coming out for a long time too but never had the guts. He's the one I've been talking too! Just ask him for advice, because he knows exactly what you are going through! Maybe you can even figure out what to do together! I'm sure he can help you.
Congratulations on coming out to him and it's great that you feel like you're in a good place with the whole situation now. Take it at a pace that feels right for you, if you're not in any hurry to tell people then just take your time with it. At least you now have a better idea of who will and who won't be accepting of you based on the reaction that your friend got. Good luck!
