I came out to my parents a few days ago. When it happened, they pretty much ignored me. They'd always seemed nonbigoted before... last night they tried to tell me how confused I am, how I'm too young to know. I know I'm not confused, and I've told them if eighteen is old enough for my sister to know she's straight, it's old enough for me to know I'm gay. They've stopped talking to me completely, and brush me off when I try to talk. My mom's crying all the time, but no one will talk to me. I've told them I'm gay, and my mom just says "no you're not" and clams up. They alternate between saying they're worried for my safety and saying I'm young and confused. I don't know what to do.
It's a difficult situation. You can't force their opinions/feelings to change, so please stay strong, and do what you know is right for you.
Oh my, that must be difficult. Often times, Parents blames themselves when their child comes out as a homosexual. They tend to think that they went wrong somewhere in raising you. Other times, they will go through much denial about their child's sexual orientation. You coming out most likely blind sided them and they don't know how to go about it in any other way besides denial and the silent treatment, hoping if they don't talk about it, it won't be there. Sadly, I don't think there is much of a way to change this, if they do truly believe homosexuality is a bad thing. You just have to remind them that you're still the same child they love and who you love isn't going to change that.
Very sad. Give them some time. Its a shocking thing to hear from your child....I am very very open minded and liberal and non bigoted in every way but I was still just shocked to hear this from my son at age 16! They need to understand you were born this way and it is not a "choice' that you have made. You are the way you are. As my son says "Who the HELL would choose to be like this on purpose mom?" To me he is like a slice of pie with 32 pcs and this is just a teeny pc of who he is. This is about YOU and not about them.
They're just avoiding the subject 24/7 right now. My mom's always sobbing hysterically in her room, but won't even look me in the eye. Every time I try to say "let's clear the air, let's talk," they say "we'll talk when we're ready, be patient," but then go on giving me the cold shoulder. My mom's talking about it to everyone in my family but me: dad, sister, aunt... they're making it about them. I'm not the kind of person who can just not talk about something. There's this huge elephant in the room, but they're acting like thry don't notice it, and they're bad actors. They're trying to make me question myself. I hate this.
Ok, my mom did the same thing, and dad did not speak to me for a good month. Within 30 min, I think every relative knew. Your story sounds so fimiliar! Mom came around pretty quickly, but dad took some time. I was the only boy so it hit him hard. I tried my whole life up till then to tell them that I was really a girl. So I did not understand what the shock was. Yours will come around and do not question yourself. The problem is theirs. Good luck, June
I like this. It may take them some time to remember that you are still the same person as you ever were, and pretty soon they are going to realize that this wasn't confusion or a phase, its just a part of yourself that deserves respect and understanding. Stay strong (*hug*)
Its a preference. Like hating broccoli, choosing to celebrate a holiday, or wearing dresses instead of jeans...driving a Chevy instead of a Ford. A very very personal "preference" that really should not affect their lives. This is who you are. This is not what they had expected or anticipated. It could be much worse. You could be in prison, in a gang, addicted to drugs or you could have a massive brain tumor. That stuff really does happen to parents....so your parents are lucky. They just havent figured it out yet. This is only a teeny slice of the pie. Who you are has not changed. They dont have to like it. Anymore then you have to like "their" personal preferences, sexual or otherwise
It's just that they don't believe me. They say I'm confused, I say I'm not, I know I'm not. In the long run, their approval or disapproval is meaningless. I'm going off to college soon. After that I'm finding a job and an apartment, and my life will be just that: my life. They won't hold power over me anymore. Whether they approve or not, I'm beginning to understand that I know who I am, and they can't change that. They're trying to make me question myself, but I know how certain I am. It's just a matter of keeping a grip on my identity until I leave for college. Either they'll accept me or they won't, but that's their problem and not mine.
You are exactly right! Its got to be frustrating that they dont believe you and they want to just assume you are confused. Let them think whatever they need to. You can't control their reactions. Keep a grip on who you are and be proud of who you are. This is a very small part of "you" and its hard for them to accept it, it takes awhile to sink in!
I applaud and support you for coming out to your parents. Thinking of coming out to my parents is out of the question for me currently makes me even cry with fear of the possible outcomes. Give them some time or try to get someone reliable to talk to them about it so your parents could understand more.
Hi Nurse Shark Congratulations in taking this brave step. I am sure that in time your parents will get over this shock for them, but to help them come to terms with this have you looked at the PFLAG site PFLAG: Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays and the Parent/Family Stages of Grief link to Stages of Grief, they offer some excellent advice. Sale Gay Guy ---------- Post added 17th Mar 2013 at 10:39 AM ---------- Nurse Shark, In case you have not seen this in the "Sticky" portion of the comming out advice forum check it out. Coming Out to Your Parents | 4therapy.com Sale Gay Guy
Hi, You wait. You give them time to process the news. Just relax, be patient, be yourself and let them get through the seven steps of grieving. Their idealized future they had imagined for you just died. Their plan to bounce your children on their knee just died. Let them grieve, they will come around. Stuck
Completely agree with Stuck, you must stay the course and remain true to who you are, but your parents got a tremendous shock and they also need your compassion and understanding, as you expect it of them. Give them time, but stand your ground, it's a matter of respect, your self-respect and respecting your parents.
