After discussing my gender issues with two therapists, (the first telling me I should go to church and repent myself sigh), and the second one who's helping me with my pre-transitioning and transitioning itself, I've decided that I'm trans* and I want, and need to come out to my friends and family. I've currently been in therapy with my new therapist for about 2 weeks, who is specialized in gender issues among other things which I'm getting help for. During my last visit, she mentioned putting me on hormone blockers.. but I need my parents' consent. And this is where the problem lies. I'm afraid to come out. I'm absolutely, mortifyingly terrified. I know I'm going to need my parents permission to start on hormone blockers and later go on T (if I decide), so there's no way around it. As a bit of backstory, I did have my trans* moments at ages 11/12, and told both of them about how I'm a boy, and told them all about my name change and how I wanted to be addressed. I remember a few weeks after I told my mum about my name change, I borrowed her computer and saw "transgendered boarding schools" in her search history. I didn't know how to feel. My dad just shoved it off as a "stupid phase". There were multiple events throughout my childhood, being referred to as a boy, or people having trouble identifying my gender. My mother was so ashamed of me, that during my middle school years, she forced me to grow my hair out, and toss nearly all of my boy clothing. And one time when we were watching an Oprah special on transgendered children, (I was maybe 13), she made a remark; "You don't want to be a boy anymore, right?" In a really snippy tone. I just muttered, "yeah.." out of fear that if I told the truth, she'd hurt me. Now, back on my question... How do I even possibly come out to my parents, though they'll be so deeply ashamed of me for this? Seeing by my earlier examples from when I was younger, it's obvious that they're not going to be happy. But I've suppressed my gender feelings for years.. and years... and now if I open up the can again, shits going to hit the fan. Hard. (They were ok with me being "gay", but trans* to them is just pushing some imaginary line.) I don't know where to go about this. How do I even possibly come out? What if they don't let me take hormone blockers, or even dare think about transitioning? I really don't want to have to play games and put on a false cover anymore. I don't know what to do. I know as soon as I make a statement, "I'm not your daughter, I'm your son", it's going to cause complete chaos. But it needs to be done. Somebody please help.
Do they even know you are seeing that therapist? This looks like a pretty crappy situation What if you just waited till you are 18? Then you would not need their permission, right?
Alot of people seem to find it easier to write a letter, that way you can put the whole story out there without worrying about nerves or being ignored and interrupted. It sounds like your mother won't be totally shocked at least, but it might help to tell them the real reason you've been in therapy so they can't say it's just a whim. I understand why you're worried about them refusing to help when you do come out, but just be glad that either way you'll be 18 in a few months. I think that's the age you can start hormones without their permission in Australia? Have you talked to your therapist about the benefits of starting right now instead of then? If you think the fallout's going to be bad enough that you might be kicked out of the house or anything like that it might be better to wait. I really hope things go well for you. Hugs. (*hug*)
Ugh that really sucks. I think writing a letter would be your best bet. That way you can word things correctly and say what you want to say. Plus they can't cut you off that way. Then be prepared to answer a lot of their questions. You may be bombarded with them. x_x As for if they don't let you take hormone blockers...well I'd wait till you're 18, so you don't need their permission for it. Another thing you need to look out for, is them kicking you out. :\ I don't want to scare you or anything, but unfortunately it's possible to happen. So waiting till you're able to live on your own is probably better, even though I know how much it sucks to be stuck in the closet.
I am thrilled you have found your truth and overjoyed you want to begin the process of becoming the man you are love you
Thanks. And thanks for everyone's advice.. I was hesitant on replying because I haven't made much progress, but I was able to get on hormone blockers yesterday. So at least I've overcome that hurdle. I'd prefer to wait until I'm 18 to start T, which would probably be ideal. So if anything negative happens, I'll be living on my own. I just hate being in the closet, though I kinda peered out yesterday.. but my parents are being very quiet about it, and haven't asked anything.
