I've spent the past few months coming out to my friends and family, but now i feel that my friends are starting to put me back into the closet. Only one of my friends fully accepts that i am gay. The rest either pretend i never said anything or think that i am just confused and need to try being with a girl first. Some people even think that i have this crush on a girl and think that i am just in denial when i say that i don't feel anything towards her. I will admit that while i do fill a little ashamed that i am gay (and i know that people will tell me that i don't need to be and i know that.). So i have trouble correcting people when they say that i should go out with a girl, since it is so much easier to just let them think that than to correct them and risk confrentation. I had my brother and one of my friends out me so i never really got up the courage to do it myself. I know that if i am truely to come out of the closet i am going to have to do it myself, but i feel like such i coward for not being able to stand up for myself and just going along with what my friends think. I hate it and i hate myself for it. I know that people are probably going to tell me that i should just spend some time trying to become comfortable with who i am before i try to come out again, but now i have a girl who has began to become interested in me. All of my friends either think that the whole gay thing was either a joke, confusion, or that now i am trying to change. One of my friends even advised that i just go out with her and try being straight. I know that i am gay and i am sure so i know that it wouldn't work out, but i have trouble saying this to my friends and to her. I know i have to break this off now before she becomes to attached to me and thinks that i relationship could actually work out. I don't think i can take much more of this. I feel torn. Part of me really wants to come out and just be open and honest, but i am afraid because while i thought i was out i now realize i never really was. I know now that my friends won't abandon me because if they would they would have taken what they thought was a joke much more seriously. Yet i can't help but be afraid. I'm sorry it was so long i just needed to vent.
All I can say is if you were to try and force any of your friends in a relationship with a guy I'm sure they'll be telling you they're not interested and they will not go trough with it, if you dont want to just say it that your not interested that you are gay and that they should get over it.
Thats when you reverse it onto him and say "how about you just go out with me and try being gay?" then when he goes "eww thats disgusting" you say "thats exactly how I feel". Its ok when people say stuff like that, don't get too angry, they just don't know how stupid the stuff theyre saying actually is. Some people probably do think its a joke, people jokingly act gay all the time. I'd say when you muster up the courage come out properly so when people say "you should go out with her" you can say with pride "i don't like girls in that way" Good luck.
Off-topic: I love Children of Bodom! Alexi Laiho is an amazing guitar player and singer. On-topic: You have to be proud about who you are, nothing will change you, ever. If I was in your shoes, and they told me I should be straight, I'd tell them one of two things, 1. Maybe you should be gay (already stated, I know.) or 2. Hmm, if you want me to be straight than that obviously means that you are insecure with your sexuality and you have to try and "fix" me. Either way, you're going to make them think twice before telling you to "turn" straight again.
